LOVE GF just broke up with me :wtc:

TopGun113

Well-Known Member
Aug 7, 2001
74,848
Totally didn't see this coming.

We were both invited along with several other people to a friend's lake house for the long holiday weekend. I wasn't sure if I was going, she had been begging me to go, and I finally agreed to go last night. This morning I called to finalize plans, she was upset, and we ended up breaking up.

She says it had nothing to do with the weekend trip, just several "small" things that added up and made her think we aren't right for each other. She's liberal, I'm conservative, she thinks I drink too much, stuff like that.

None of this makes sense to me whatsoever. She'd been loving towards me, our sex life was great, she'd been begging me to go on this trip. Always texted that she loved me. When we were breaking up, she was the one sobbing, said she loves me and cares about me but doesn't see us together in 2-3 years and doesn't think I'm "the one." Said she didn't want to wait and see what happens because it wouldn't be fair to waste my time if it doesn't work out, even though I'm so good to her and she's happy when she's with me (her words).

I know the typical OT response is "there's someone else" - I guess that's possible but I don't think it's the case. If anything she's been clingy, we spend most of our weekends together and she always calls on her way home from work and again at night when she goes to bed. She made me wait a month and get tested before we ever had sex.

For the record I'll be 30 in a couple months and she's 26. This whole situation is beyond fucked up. The worst part is that she ended up going on the lake trip, and literally any of my friends whom I'd hang out with this weekend in Chicago are going. So I'm sitting here by myself with nothing to do. When we left each other earlier today, she was planning on going home to her visit her parents for the weekend and said I should go on the trip so I'd be around friends for the weekend. About an hour later I was getting ready to go and heard from someone else that she was actually going.

Contrary to my normal self-destructive tendencies, I'm avoiding alcohol and drugs, simply because I'm scared of what I might do to myself if I start drinking. I might take a Lorazepam later just so I can sleep, then tomorrow morning I guess I'm going to drive 7 hours to my hometown and stay with my parents for a few days, and hang out with my best friends.

Already deleted her number (never had it memorized as I never had to dial her manually) so I won't be tempted to contact her.

I just have no idea what to do now. It's been a couple years since I went through this, and I'm scared because my last 2 or 3 failed relationships sent me into a deep depression for several months.

:wtc: hold me OT
 
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TopGun113

TopGun113

Well-Known Member
Aug 7, 2001
74,848
oh yeah, she kept saying that her heart and her head disagree, because on paper i'm perfect for her but she just doesn't "feel" that magical feeling like when we first started dating (ie, the spark). i tried to explain that from my perspective, adult relationships take effort and compromise from both sides, and a conscious decision to be with a person despite the little disagreements.

i didn't tell her this, but there have been a few of those little things that bothered me (stupid stuff like her forgetting to brush her teeth before bed), and i just pushed them away because being with her was worth it.

one of the other issues is that she thinks i have OCD - simply because i refuse to leave the house for the day unless i've taken a shower. fuck, i just don't understand it.
 

Tevin

Member
Sep 11, 2010
453
:hug:

This just happened today, way too soon to figure out what happened or take action. And there may be no action to take anyway.

You are doing the right thing by avoiding self destructive behavior; it's about the only positive thing you can do short term. Just chill for the weekend, have what fun you can, and let the dust settle.
 
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TopGun113

TopGun113

Well-Known Member
Aug 7, 2001
74,848
Thanks guys, I appreciate it.

Normally for this sort of thing I'd stay as busy as possible but the timing of this fucking sucks so bad. There's really no one around here for me to hang out with. I'm going for a walk now and I'll probably end up cleaning the fuck out of my place when I get back. :hs:

I can't believe I'm 30 years old and women are still causing this kind of bullshit drama. The trip is pretty much evenly split between her close friends and my close friends - so it's kind of torture to think about them all sitting around discussing this situation without me there. :rofl:
 
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TopGun113

TopGun113

Well-Known Member
Aug 7, 2001
74,848
Maybe you should have shitty political views that are destroying the country.

this is beside the point but the truth is, i'm pretty middle of the road. socially liberal (pro-choice, pro-gun rights etc) and fiscally conservative (anti-tax, anti-spend, anti-social programs) and she's just plain liberal. :rofl: i've pushed her buttons on the political issues though, and said things specifically to get a reaction. still, that's been rare and it hasn't really led to any fights, just the "i don't think that's funny and don't understand why you're laughing" look from time to time. :hs:
 

iwishyouwerebeer

you shut your cunt
Sep 1, 2006
31,941
;) typical liberal chick, no critical thinking skills :rofl: j/k :hs:



:wtc:

:rofl: exactly my point

People always seem to think that they broke up for "little things," but if you think about it the saying is something like "the things you love about someone turn into the things you hate the most." It can be very true, so something that you wouldn't initially think would be a deal can most definitely be things that tear you apart later. Maybe your drinking crosses a line she's comfortable with and she knows it won't ever get better, or maybe your political views only shed light on how different you are in many other ways :dunno:
 

GammaRadiation

Well-Known Member
Feb 15, 2007
29,256
Random Location.FL
this is beside the point but the truth is, i'm pretty middle of the road. socially liberal (pro-choice, pro-gun rights etc) and fiscally conservative (anti-tax, anti-spend, anti-social programs) and she's just plain liberal. :rofl: i've pushed her buttons on the political issues though, and said things specifically to get a reaction. still, that's been rare and it hasn't really led to any fights, just the "i don't think that's funny and don't understand why you're laughing" look from time to time. :hs:
IWYWB has no sense of humor, I hope you got a LOL out of that.

Seriously, though, if she doesn't feel it she doesn't feel it. Nothing you can do will change that. Keep that in your head, move on. I've messed around with girls who were good for me on paper, but I just didnt feel it. Because I've been going through constant psychological development, formatting and re-writing from my previous views, and I had some depression issues from loss of my first true love I've steered clear of hurting others for no reason by letting anyone who I get involved with I probably dont want to actually get involved. I can relate to how she feels. Not to turn the attention to me but now that I am starting to look for a long term I cant find a good long term or they're all already tied up. I guess I can relate that to your first post in that the typical OT response is bullcrap when you're picky and elitist. Sometimes I feel like the Kenny Powers of science.
 
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Diesel66

OT Supporter
Feb 20, 2005
134,471
Kc
How long have you been together?

Nothing wrong with her argument if shes looking for serious
 

ww_Crimson

Active Member
Sep 3, 2007
21,597
Bay Area
Seen a few of your threads in the main, seemed like things were well for you. Sorry to hear things went sour so quickly. Although the little things truly are little in the grand scheme of things, they are issues she's not willing to compromise on, and knows you're not willing to compromise on either.
 

Tevin

Member
Sep 11, 2010
453
All I'm going to say is those "little things" aren't little things.

Oh yeh, I agree.

To the TS: You say the relationship was going well and had no signs of trouble; I bet if you do some thinking back you will find small red flags that you either didn't see or didn't want to see. Any one of them by itself may not have been a deal breaker, but when added up together it's a fail.

I realize hindsight is always 100% accurate and performing an autopsy on a relationship will not change the here and now. Hopefully though, you'll have some wisdom going forward.

Hang in there, bro.
 
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TopGun113

TopGun113

Well-Known Member
Aug 7, 2001
74,848
6 months, so it's not the end of the world, but it was pretty serious. had all kinds of plans for weddings and vacations and stuff down the road. up until 2 days ago, it was going pretty well.

Tevin - thanks. Sure there were little red flags here and there - and I'm sure I gave her the same. Sometimes I'd be difficult or be a dick just to push her buttons or make a point. To be honest there were times I was angry and wanted to break it off but realized overall I was happier with her than not. Every relationship has those little things, and I think that in adult relationships you look past them.

But I really didn't think she'd just snap. If she's waiting on some fairy tale bullshit where everything is wine and roses for the rest of her life, she's in for a rude awakening. :hs:

So far each girlfriend has been older but none of them seem to grow up. By mid-late 20s I didn't realize girls still pull the "I'm confused about my feelings and need some time to sort them out" bullshit.
 

MattThom01

Active Member
Jan 2, 2006
8,506
6 months, so it's not the end of the world, but it was pretty serious. had all kinds of plans for weddings and vacations and stuff down the road. up until 2 days ago, it was going pretty well.

Tevin - thanks. Sure there were little red flags here and there - and I'm sure I gave her the same. Sometimes I'd be difficult or be a dick just to push her buttons or make a point. To be honest there were times I was angry and wanted to break it off but realized overall I was happier with her than not. Every relationship has those little things, and I think that in adult relationships you look past them.

But I really didn't think she'd just snap. If she's waiting on some fairy tale bullshit where everything is wine and roses for the rest of her life, she's in for a rude awakening. :hs:

So far each girlfriend has been older but none of them seem to grow up. By mid-late 20s I didn't realize girls still pull the "I'm confused about my feelings and need some time to sort them out" bullshit.

Since she initiated the breakup, I'd guess that she won't need much time to sort out the feelings. She probably already had. Usually, in a situation like this where one specific event (ie cheating or one night stand or whatever), the person has been thinking it over for awhile. Especially since she said it was over the little things.
 

Diesel66

OT Supporter
Feb 20, 2005
134,471
Kc
How is it fairy tail bs to want more out of a serious relationship?

And like Matt said, shes been thinking about this for awhile. I did the last breakup. Small things kept adding up top the point had no desire to continue. From he point, it was sudden, but she also failed to understand me on multiple occasions
 

k1ko

Active Member
Sep 22, 2002
6,647
ATX
Sorry to hear that. A lot of girls are like light switches when it comes to being in love. One day they can be head over heels with you and then the next, they can't stand you. Probably also why girls are able to move on much easier as well!
 

JohnJohnJohnson

Effetely Sipping My Latte
OT Supporter
Sep 8, 2004
22,789
Manhattan
:hug:

This just happened today, way too soon to figure out what happened or take action. And there may be no action to take anyway.

You are doing the right thing by avoiding self destructive behavior; it's about the only positive thing you can do short term. Just chill for the weekend, have what fun you can, and let the dust settle.
:werd:
 
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TopGun113

TopGun113

Well-Known Member
Aug 7, 2001
74,848
Went to a friends house last night and hung out with people, bought myself a nice new set of expensive golf clubs, played a round with my brother today, going out tonight (to a girls house that I fooled around with last year :rofl:) and going boating on lake Erie tomorrow.... So I'm staying busy and trying to stay positive. :/

But when I start thinking about it, i feel depressed as fuck :hs:
 

m45

Well-Known Member
May 2, 2005
111,482
I really cannot stress enough that you need to NOT CALL HER OR TEXT HER.

If you act pathetic and weak than she will perceive you as that. I know its a very difficult thing to get your head around but you need to not communicate with her at all.

If you were meant to be she will change her mind and get in touch with you in the near future.
 

m45

Well-Known Member
May 2, 2005
111,482
I just realised how much of time has passed since the original post to now. Whats the update on the story?
 

Lazy D.

Well-Known Member
Oct 10, 2000
34,757
Canada
I really cannot stress enough that you need to NOT CALL HER OR TEXT HER.

If you act pathetic and weak than she will perceive you as that. I know its a very difficult thing to get your head around but you need to not communicate with her at all.

If you were meant to be she will change her mind and get in touch with you in the near future.

it doesn't really matter. He might be pathetic and weak but not act on it, people can feel it anyway. And eventually it's going to come out.
 

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