i think i just want to bitch to some strangers about my fucked up relationship. met girl about 2 years ago when we lived right next to eachother in same complex. for the first several months she thought i hated her, but im just not very friendly. we ended hanging out at a party around thanksgiving, had a lot of fun together. she broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years soon after that. then we hooked up. it started to get really serious, and then she "ended it". But i think she ended it because she is in college and i am not. that i am lower than her and she should do better. but we always have an amazing time together, and kept hanging out as friends, but even as friends, we still ended up sleeping together a lot. The she went to study abroady for the fall semester. got a boyfriend over there, and i barley talked to her while she was gone. then she came back and we ended up in the same position as we were in before. I asked her to make the relationship serious, and she said no. but still asked me to sleep over that night. a week later at a party at my house i made out with another girl and was too drunk to even realize that she was there. she was talking to a friend of mine who later told me he had never seen anybody look so jealous. she avoided me for a while, then we hung out and she was a bitch to me. happy to tell me that she went home that night with a guy who i tried to kick out for breaking some stuff. The next time i saw her was 2 days before she left to go to NYC for a summer internship she had there. I get woken up at 5 in the morning because she calls my phone4 times until i answer it. She ahd a shitty night and was upset and needed to talk to me, and tells me i should come visit her in NY. I do, its fun, nothing happens. she comes back and i don't see her for over a month. we make plans and she cancels, i send her a drunk, pissed off e-mail. some angry exchanges bewteen us. Then she calls me last week and asks if i want to get some food and go shopping with her. I found out her roomate thinks im a prick, but she defends me. I have never felt so much pleasure or pain from anybody as i have from her. I try and push her away, but i see her at a party and talk the whole time im there to her. Or she will try and meet up with me for something. im young and stupid, and she's 3 years younger, and just as stupid. I try to move on, but im frustrated, because i think she likes me as much as i like her, she just won't allow herself to be with me for some reason.