instantly you're thinking it's bad... right... ok well here's the story... she started talking to this guy in like 2005 or 06... he really liked her... but she wasn't interested... he was way to nice and she wasn't used to nice guys... she was intimidated by it.. 07 comes and i start going out with her... she still talked to him on occasion via email... possibly by phone... who knows.. 08 comes by and we're haveing some relationship problems because i never talk to her or communicate because i was haveing issues still from my last relationship of 6 years... I was never able to speak up... so i brought that into this relationship... feb-march she mentions she has a crush on this guy and that it's just that she likes talking to him... i get nervous but figure ok... it happens to everyone once in a while but we usually never say it... finally it clicks that she might like him more than a crush and that he also had liked her at one point... so i start gettting more nervous and i ask her to please not talk to him for a few months just so it calms down... she agrees.... that's may 29th i believe... the next couple weeks pass, i see a phone call to his number... 2 minutes, nothing special... I see an msn chat asking how he's doing... and saying she could probably get him a ticket to africa if he really wanted (her dad is an air traffic controller) July 12th i see an email dating july 10th asking how he is... how he finds the place he's vacationing at... july 13th i see a text message from him come in saying he's arrrived at his vacation spot and it's great... July 14th i ask her how her OTHER friend find the vacation spot. I say OTHER friend... because she has this guy stored under another name... that night i email the OTHER friend and ask him how the vacation spot is... he calls her first and asks her something... she yells at me asking why i don't trust her... I "apologize" lol... and the next day ther OTHER friend emails me and tells me the vacation was great! THUS... her and this OTHER friend lied to me... to cover this secret... a couple days later she removes the number from the phone and INSTEAD stores it under another name as another persons cell... July 18th before coming to see me she txt's him a couple times... nothing special... and finally he replies to the email on the 17th, but she replies back to him yesterday... Yesterday i ask her straight up "are you talking to this guy still" she says NO and she'll tell me when she feels ready to talk to him again... He lives in toronto... we lived in montreal but she just left for toronto about 2 weeks ago for university and to work. She's helping me find a job in T.O and also planning on staying with me... but she says she needs 3 months away from me because i keep asking and talking about him when there's nothing to worry about (she doesn't know i can see/read her emails...). she wants us to both live in toronto and in 3 months after i'm more confident in myself, we can return back to living together in a nice appartment and get on with our lives... Now... no physical cheating is going on... but the key here that pisses me off is that she isn't mentionning him to me... I feel she's emotionally cheating on me by enjoying talking to him and she's fighting an internal battle to not like him... Now because of the fight last night, she created a new hotmail account called <place name here>[email protected] She's transfered all emails related to him, to that account... and is going to keep her main account "clean" Unfortunatly i'm much quicker than she is even though she's fast herself... THIS is where i'm not sure what to do... my good friend tells me he's had a similar experience and to just stop bringing the guy up... just work on myself and make myself a better person and she'll make the right descision... (though physical cheating warrants a breakup). for now, i need to ride this out because she's helping me get to toronto and helping me find work... and i still think she loves me... i think she wants to tell me, but she knows i might spaz out... and even though she no longer is interested in this person, she still wants him around because he's always been a good person... 1) do i email this guy and ask him stuff? 2) do i leave it alone and just monitor it and ride it out 3) wait until i'm in T.O and finally tell her what i read... "accidentally..." 4) ???? I've never had these trust issues before and i just wish she would tell me she's talkking to him... her hiding it is causeing all sorts of issues.... she doesn't know i can login to her account, so i know it's invasion of privacy on my part... but i feel that was shot out the window when my intuition was telling me something was up... oye!