SRS Good, cost-effective professional help - depression/avoidant personality disorder?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by CrispyGame, Oct 1, 2009.

  1. CrispyGame

    CrispyGame Stop staring at my avatar.

    Jan 8, 2005
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    I'm not going to go into full detail over my sob story that's essentially been the same with only minor revisions, but if you can't look it up, I'll give the synopsis:
    I'm 23, graduated with an accounting degree. Had good grades, but I was basically apathetic toward everything else - hardly any extracurriculars, noteworthy accomplishments, etc. I never even had any management/leadership experience since the only job I worked at for a decent amount of time was only looking for shift leaders to commit to a set full-time schedule (though I was told I would very likely get it, but my school schedule was too weird to accommodate that), and every other job was pretty much temporary, and never offered that possibility to begin with. I wasn't completely passionate about my major in the first place, but I was good enough at the work, and I was in too deep to just quit (which I really felt like doing and I'll explain why briefly). Life consisted of only (and I mean ONLY): class, studying (though a decent amount of those two), eating, sleeping, pissing/shitting, jackassing on forums, Xbox, and the occasional party where I just tended to get bored anyway. Had virtually nothing to talk about in interviews (or at least nothing unique), and was turned down for internships. And prior to those, I was turned down from the business frat, grading papers, and tutoring (though that admittedly was just the result of a very stupid mistake). Ditto for jobs. My whole experience was just one bitter rejection after another, and I started become very depressed (and I pretty much have always been mildly depressed before all that).

    I lost interest in accounting (and to an extent, "professional" careers in general), I lost interest in whatever minor things I had even the slightest interest in in the first place, and although I was never a real social butterfly, I started resenting those who found success where I couldn't. I deleted Facebook friends (even of good long-time friends), even severed real early-stage friendships. Even today, I have a tendency to resent a lot of the "yuppie" culture and the seemingly confident, content people around my age. I even avoided one of my favorite coffee shops because some early-20s female in a new Range Rover was about to enter it - and that's knowing full well that there's a 99% chance it was either her parents' or that they bought it for her - but let's just say I felt so intimidated by her times the 1% probability that she could've bought it that I went way out of the way just to avoid that scene. I even feel miserable when I read a forum (not necessarily here) where someone would tell someone else to "get a real job" or some similar saying where one demonstrates superiority over another, and even though it's not directed toward me, I still feel like the victim from a third-person perspective.
    Fast forward to a couple of months ago, where I did land a job after about 9 even-more-miserable months of living at home, but not really an accounting one, and not really a true "professional"/"yuppie" type job - in other words, I still feel woefully inadequate to those who did, and go out of my way to avoid even being in the presence of those young (sometimes younger) successful (or successful-looking) people, but it pays the bills well, and it's a pretty decent job given the economy. I try my best to hide it at work, but outside, I still feel the sting of depression, and my hermit-crab-like tendencies.

    I had some long thought about it and decided that if I'm to advance or change myself careerwise (and frankly, that'll be an issue of its own), I really ought to work on this problem that's rapidly becoming more and more personal itself. I really think this is the source of my entrapment, and now that I've saved up a decent amount of money, I'd like to know what options to pursue to help me with this - particularly whether I'd probably benefit more from one-on-one sessions, or if I ought to give group therapy a shot (which would certainly help the social anxiety / avoidance issue in a supportive environment). Cost-effectiveness is a minor issue, but I'll splurge a little more if I really feel like the value is worthwhile. I really ought to finally tackle this problem, but I'd like to know the best way how. I do know though that I feel it's severe enough to where I do need professional help.

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