I've always wondered what it must be like to be a beautiful person physically. I've suffered from acne which has left spots of discolored skin that are very slowly fading (I give it a few years), and a smile which isn't exactly pretty. My teeth are larger than average and the front two are a bit chipped and unaligned. You may be saying.. gosh other ppl have it faar worse than you.. and thats true, and I truly feel for them. However, it is hard that every single day I have to smile with hesitation. It saddens me, that as joyful and loving of a character I am, I cannot express it fully physically. I suffer from severe acne discoloration and scaring on my shoulders/upper arms... which will not go away for years and years to come. I haven't gone swimming in years, and can't even take my shirt off while other people are around. I imagine this wouldn't be as bad for someone who was older, but as an 18 year old heading to college... this does nothing but sadden me. There have been nights where I have nearly drew tears wondering why I am the few unfortunate people who are limited in their ability to do what they want in society. Because of these issues.. I even have trouble interacting with women in fear of judgement, but I force myself to nonetheless. Sometimes I just wish I can freely take my shirt off and hop in a pool, or throw out a big smile to every person I see without being self conscious. I don't know what else to say asides that I feel very sad right now, and wish that one morning I can wake up... look myself in the mirror and be satisfied. I have never in my life told anyone of the problems and the ache I'm going through within me, so this still feels a little weird to me saying all this... but you guys are the priviledged ones to hear it first.