Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Vixxen, Feb 22, 2007.
can you tell when a girl fakes an orgasm? more importantly, does it matter?
Because sometimes the sex just point blank sucks, and you want it to be over with. Not saying I do this alot, just putting it out there..
You're right. This rationale has bitten me in the ass a few times. But it's easier to say "Come on baby, cum for me. I already got mine" and encourage the closing of the book.
I particularly pulled this on an ex-boyfriend who, no matter what I expressed, did the same old routine. I just happened to care about him too much to end a relationship based on sex at that point.
However, I have been/was casually dating this guy, and after a few dates we slept together, and it was awful. I should have just spoken up, really, but I didn't. And I've been avoiding him ever since.
saying something doesnt always fix the issue..... ever jerk off and not come? sometimes, its just not going to happen, regardless if you tell them what you like.
i agree. others dont though. probably cause either (a) they fear spoiling the guys fun or (b) embarrassment.
and i assumed telling = guiding = everything else possible to make it work
when i was in hs/college i had sex and didnt enjoy it. the guys knew i wasnt getting off, they just werent interested. youre right, it was clingy for me to stick around as long as i did.
i had some silly idea that there was more to a relationship than sex, and it was my job to make sure the guy was pleased as much as i could. i spoke up, but at the same time i wasnt going to be a bitch about it. a fine line, and sometimes its hard to walk it. i was very submissive, and while i still am, i understand the role of a dominate male better now.
When it comes to sex, I can't enjoy myself unless the woman is enjoying herself too. I usually can tell when she is not. Maybe sometimes I've overly paranoid. As far as telling when she's faking an orgasm, I dunno. Really, I think she's just cheating herself, but I can see the rationale in wanting to get over with it. That being said, since I can pretty much tell when she's not into it, I'd rather have her just say something to finish it off. Sometimes I'll just give up and say "I'm not going to cum."
for obvious reasons, i would rather she did not fake it.
it's the typical problem that weak people have with delivering bad news.
they feel anxious in the moment about being direct; so they lie and save themselves that immediate anxiety, at the incredible expense of the other person's long-term future.
i know that i have been deceived about a girl's orgasm at least one time.
if a girl who is madly in love with me asks if I have feelings for her, it is easiest in THAT MOMENT for me to say that I do, that I love her back, and then when the moment passes, , stop talking to her afterwards.
presumably you can understand what is wrong with such actions. the example I gave - faking love - is an order of magnitude more severe than a girl faking an orgasm but it is qualitatively the same thing. it's a magnified anecdote.
generally, when a woman has an orgasm, her heart rate increases and the area on the underside of her chin becomes flush
outside of these 2 clues, i can't tell
sometimes i know for sure when she goes, and sometimes i think she does and she didn't. the size of orgasms varies so much that it makes it hard to tell, so i go by heart rate, breathing, and the chin area to tell for sure
Telling a guy it's not going to happen this time is 2798234789234897 times better than faking an orgasm. The guy will finish and will be glad you were honest with him. Or, you don't even have to say it like that. Just be like "baby I want you to cum..." or something and it will imply that you're not going to have one this time.
If you fake it, you're reinforcing bad habits.
This is assuming you can usually have orgasms and it's just the occasional time you can't.
not having to fake orgasms is so relieving
i asked because i belong to a women's group (of sorts) and we touched on the subject. i was surprised to hear that half of the women faked an orgasm almost everytime they had sex and their partners never knew it. well, if they did, they didn't let on or care. a few women said it was to get it over with and because they didn't enjoy sex anyway. others said it was to please their husband/boyfriend.
personally, i'm with viper. i don't see the point in faking it.
I've never heard of that before, but I have read that a woman's nipples tend to go soft after orgasm; so look for that if you must
this is the best thing i've read all day!
I honestly can't tell when a women has faked it, but even if she has I often dont care. If she wanted to get off then she would speak up and if I had finished without pleasing her, then I would do what I could afterward, whether it was oral or finger stimulation or just another round sex to get her off. It's her loss if she fakes it.
Now I have on occasion faked an orgasm when I was drunk and getting off just wasnt going to happen. Like JJJ said in the moment you fake it because you feel anxious in the moment about being direct; so you lie and save yourself the immediate anxiety. This is by no means a regular occurrance and I can count the number of times I've done it on one hand.
if the sex is so bad you have to fake it, chances are he wont be able to tell anyway.. my 2 c
I too, am in the "no point in faking it" and "atleast be honest that youre not going to cum this particular time" camps....
Just a question though, how old are these ladies in the women's group? I'd think that older women, those who grew up with different ideals about sex, would be more likely to fake it or not enjoy it....
when i was married I used to fake a lot. it was hard for me to get there and my ex really didnt have patience so he would ask me to fake, the sound helped him get there. then it was over and I could go to sleep which at that point in my life was more important to me anyway.
amazing that we are divorced...isnt it?
here is the thing... having sex with someone you care about is supposed to be a comfortable place full of trust.. you really want your man to be playing suspicious detective?
Im going to go ahead and assume everything a girl does durring sex is genuine just because I have no interest in trying to catch her lying in such a situation..
and seriously.. who really fakes orgasms anyway? Just say "its not going to happen tonight but i still want you to have fun" and avoid all the potential ego crushing trust destroying resentment and unfullfilment nonsense that is faked orgasms.
huh? define older please. for my mom's generation (she's in her 70's) it was all about the romance, she had and still has no idea if she ever had an orgasm and didn't care. she just liked the physical closeness. now me (in my mid-40's-ARGH!), yep I've faked. Much more so when I was younger, once in a blue moon now as I am explicit about what I want done, how I want it done, etc. IF he gets off before me (rare) and I'm just really not feeling myself getting anywhere close during subsequent rounds, I'll still enjoy it, just not to the same extent and he can tell if I'm even attempting to fake it. Muscles tighten but not like they would otherwise and he can feel the difference. I can count on one hand the number of times I've faked it with him and he's known it, unfortunately, and does not appreciate it.
Don't know about my daughter, never asked but will check with her. I'm sure she prolly has a few times in her life.
Face it, hun. Around here, we are Geezer-ly
Dammit, you caught me "Older" is now my standard phrase for people older than me (even though I know yall have no real way of knowing how old I am). I've definitly gotten 'in trouble' before for saying 'old people' or putting an exact age on "old", now I just skip that and try not to offend people. I dont think theres anything wrong or bad about aging, its just a descriptive (but maybe I'll feel differently in 20 years )
I guess I was just trying to say that society's views on how women should behave toward sex/during sex/about sex have definitly chaged and become more open over time, and that I'd think (though I dont know) that women who were raised at a time when society had these kinds of views would be more reserved about their enjoyment of sex and the emphasis they placed on orgasming.
we most likely won't know the difference or care
git to it!!!