About a year ago, me, my mom, step dad, and little brother moved from NY to Alabama. We left because it was getting harder every month to get by (if you live in a big city, you know what I mean). I thought it would be a good idea since my mom would be less stressed out about bills and I could leave behind my past and start a new life. Well, I was wrong. When deciding whether or not I was going to go or stay (because my brother said I could stay with him until I graduated college) I didn't factor in alot of things. I left all of my friends in NY, I left a college that I felt comfortable in and alot of the comforts that living in NY has over that of living in Al. I started getting really depressed as the time went on and I didn't make any new friends, which is mainly due to my shyness. I have a hard time initiating conversation and when I do I always end up putting my foot in my mouth which makes me not want to continue talking. I'm also very fearful of rejection and I care too much of what people think about me, which is another reason why I don't talk much. My cousins try to get me to hang out with them, but truthfully they're a bunch of thugs and not my kind of people. I went to a party with one of them once and because of my social anxiety I kind of just stood around looking stupid not really mingling. And this particular cousin didn't have the sense to introduce me to any people even though he knew like half of the people there. I'm enrolled in a college down here and I'm going to move on campus at the end of August, but I've been having second thoughts as of late. I originally thought moving on campus would be a good idea to make me socialize more, but now with my constant bouts of depression I don't know if I want to go. I may just be looked at as the emo guy in room #23 that doesn't have any friends. Recently something happened and my step dad, the main bread winner of the family isn't around, and finances are tight so I feel pressured to move on campus even though I'm doubting how I'll make out there, that and I'm 20. I don't really feel right you know being at home at 20 so that was anotehr reason I thought about moving on campus but now I don't know. I think about just up and moving back to NY and picking up where I left off but then I ask myself, will that really help, or will I bring my depressed feelings back with me? I haven't called my old friends because I was so down and even if I went back I think I've distanced myself from them too far. The other day they called me when all of them were just chilling walking through time square having a good ol time and I just wished I could have been there. I'm also a grade A fuck up. I was advised on what classes to take by my advisor but procrastinated and when I went to register them 3 out of 4 of them were closed so I non-chalantly chose replacement classes and now I realize I screwed myself over because school starts the 29th and I can't get in touch with my advisor to see if the ones I chose are acceptable for my gen ed requirements. I contemplate suicide on a daily basis but I'm not crazy enough to do something stupid like that. It's just that sometimes I wish I didn't wake up in the morning.