SRS help me figure out what to do

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by amac88, Dec 11, 2007.

  1. amac88

    amac88 New Member

    Sep 19, 2007
    Likes Received:
    Plano, Texas
    The past month or so has been really bad for me in general. Right now, Im living at home and goin to college, but I probably wont be goin back next semester. Ive wanted to do auto mechanics for a while, so Ill probably do somethin with that. I havent really been doing well in school mainly because of depression and other personal problems. I just cant seem to get any motivation to really do anything. My parents always go "he just doesnt care" but thats really not kinda is but its not just cause Im bein lazy, I really dunno what it is. Ive always been genereally a quiet person, and have trouble explaining what exactly is going on.

    Relating to that, Im always on the computer. I usually talk on AIM or am on the internet. I find it alot easier to talk with people online about stuff.

    I wanna get a job, and applied to a few places around where I live. However, nobody has called me back, this was about 3 weeks ago. Theres a few more places I could apply but I really want/need a job right now.

    Im probably about to be kicked out, seriously. I have a couple friends/my girlfriend I could stay with if it ever came down to that, so I wouldnt exactly be homeless. I wanna get my own apartment and stuff, but I know next to nothing about getting a loan or getting an apartment lease.

    Right now I have a car but its in my parents name. Id probably have to actually get MY own car, which in a way, wouldnt be so bad. I could get what I wanted. If I got a job, maybe I could even get somethin cool, like a Camaro or older BMW or whatever. Ill probably end up with an old Honda but thats not really my main concern right now.

    My parents think I hate them, I really dont. I get angry and say stuff I really dont mean, then I cant really seem to fix it. The way things have been going the past couple weeks, I seriously think Im about to be kicked out. Still, Im kinda glad in a way, I get to actually start my own life, as crappy as it may be.

    What can I do? If I do end up out on my own, how do I start living on my own? Where do I even begin? Do you guys think theres any way I can fix all this? I have a feeling Im about to be in some major shit, that I may never be able to get out of...right now I just dont know.
  2. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

    Aug 12, 2003
    Likes Received:
    Bay Area
    The bold is a big part of it man. You are being lazy and you even admit it. Do something about it. Get out there, rip yourself off the computer and do something. I know it's hard to just get out and start socializing as many would suggest, but just get out and go walk around. Sit at the park. Something... just don't sit at home in front of your computer chatting all day. Yes this is the easy way, and more comfortable way to do it, but it's not like you are going to live your entire life behind a computer screen, so stop practicing that.

    For the job situation, same thing. If you needed or really wanted a job that bad you would have one. Just the fact you said you applied THREE weeks ago means you are lazy again. Searching for a job itself could almost be a full time job, but when you land one, at least that's one thing off the list.

    For the car, why do you have to give it back just because it's under their name? Use it for now, it's free isn't it? Unless they ask for it back.. use that savings to your advantage! Trust me, older cars are nothing but moneypits in the beginning.. and your entire check will go into it. Next thing you know you will be making a thread about being broke... use that car as long as you can.

    It seems like you know you are going to be kicked out due to your laziness... and don't seem to mind. If you really want to start out like that with no money, things are only going to get worse. Take the initiative and do something about it. Get your job, get things back on track. Once your parents see you doing things, getting a job, etc.. I'm sure they won't have the "you don't care" mentality anymore.

    You know what you have to do... please don't just ignore it and go back to posting/chatting.
  3. Asherman

    Asherman New Member

    Oct 14, 2007
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    It sounds as if your primary problem is one of motivation. You've apparently lived your entire life under the family's protective wing, and found it reasonably comfortable. Now, you are uncomfortably aware that you have to move on in your life. Unfortunately, it seems nothing in your past has prepared you for that. On the other hand, it has become painfully clear to you just how unprepared you are to move out on your own. It isn't too late to rectify the problem, but it will be tough and demand a lot from both you and your parents. There is some information about you and your situation that would be helpful in constructing an effective solution to the immediate problems. How old are you? What have you been studying in college and how far along are you toward a degree? Where do you live (rural, suburban, or urban)? Can you tell us about your previous work history? What are you really, really good at?

    Here is a general outline of a one year plan:

    You need to set a goal that can be completed in 1-2 years. Within that basic goal, set up shorter term objectives that lead to the realization of the goal. Here a possible goal: "In one year, move out of the house and be on my own". During your "transitional year" you will continue to need your parents economic and emotional support. To obtain that, you have to convince them that you are settling down to seriously getting your life in order. That means talking over your plans in detail, listening and learning from their advice like a mature person. It means showing them change in your attitudes and efforts.

    1. Develop a budget ... rent, utilities, food, clothing, laundry, transportation, entertainment, and SAVINGS. The budget has to be realistic, so involve your parents in figuring out just how much money you will need to live on your own. In developing your budget, you will have to learn to prioritize and make some hard decisions about where to best spend your whatever money you earn. You may be surprised at just how much money it costs for a young person to live. Once you have a good idea of what it will cost to live on your own, you will know just how much you will need to earn to support yourself at a minimal level. There is a different way to approach this, and that is to determine what jobs you are qualified for pay, and then budget to fit inside those earnings. Both approaches work, but I suggest budgeting first to help heal the strains between you and your parents and to enlist their essential support for the coming effort.

    2. Negotiate a one year contract with your parents for support while you prepare to move out. What will you need to move out? A steady job that pays enough to manage the budget you've designed in step one. It will take at least a year on the job to gain confidence that it will support you for the immediate future. You will need a year to save enough money to rent and furnish an apartment. You need to learn to launder your own cloths and cook your own meals. In return for their support, you need to begin paying your parents for room and board, and stop relying on them for all other financial support. By the end of the year, you'll be prepared to live independently and have a small savings account to handle minor emergencies.

    3. Find a job and stick with it for at least one year. Step two, is contingent upon your finding full-time employment that will after one year pay enough to meet your budget requirements. That may be tough to do. Finding employment for the first time is harrowing, and you'll probably have to settle for unskilled, possibly menial, work for minimum wages. Become a regular at your State's Unemployment Offices. Sign up with job agencies. Check the classified section daily, and apply for work directly and in person every day until you are hired. Go to potential employers dress appropriately and ready to go to work instantly if they'll hire you. Many of the best jobs are found through friends and family, so utilize them to the max. What does your Dad do? Can he help you get into his field as a trainee? A strong good-faith effort to find employment is part of your education, and it should greatly reduce pressures at home with your parents.

    4. Have a contingency plan. I suspect that you have limited skills, no real work history, and that your education so far has very limited usefulness in the local job market. Entry level jobs may not pay enough for you to move out onto your own even after a year. If it becomes apparent after a given amount of time and effort that finding a job that will fully support you on your own isn't likely to happen, what do you do then? If you need the education, skills and experience to qualify for the jobs that appeal to you then you have to acquire that education and/or skills. That will take time, at least one year and perhaps two.

    Basically, in the coming year, or so, you will return to college and take courses that will bolster your chances of getting a good paying job, and you will maintain a minimum of a 2.5 GPA in school; you will find and keep part time job that takes 14-20 hours per week; your earnings from that job will be budgeted to include... a small sum toward your food and lodgings, all the gasoline you use in the parent's car, your school books, AND at least ten percent of you earnings will go into a savings account. Negotiate an agreement, and then keep it no matter how hard that might turn out to be. If continuing college isn't reasonable for any reason, then substitute some sort of industrial arts course that will prepare you for a job with a livable wage (auto mechanics, A/C technician, etc.)

    Even if you find a great job that you love and that pays more than you could hope for, after a few years you will need more. It is inevitable. Your need for more income will be driven by the desire for new transportation and toys. You'll meet and want to attract some young woman who is clearly destined to deliver half a dozen children with you that will need to be sent off to Princeton before joining the President's Cabinet. Ah the dreams of young men in love. Promotions or career changes often hinge on having a better education or a different skill set. If you've been diligent about saving a portion of your earnings, you can further your education part-time or during your time away from work.
  4. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    You're social skills will or might already have hit the shitter. Get off the internet and start interacting with peers, random people and start looking people in the eye.
  5. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

    Jan 7, 2007
    Likes Received:
    THE Hawkeye Nation
    you sound like you should work on computers for a living. go back to school, study IT/Comp sci. make money, live happily ever after man.

    i love my job, but i think im going to go back to school so i can learn to program and make more cash

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