LOVE Help... Question about sexual assault

sparklwazngurly

New Member
Sep 4, 2008
536
Sacto
Had something happen to me about a month ago, haven't been talking to anyone or going out since then. Just wondering... do you think it's over reacting to be... in shock, if the assailants were interrupted before they got to raping the victim?
 

ACLdestroyer

OT Supporter
Jun 24, 2003
36,931
LA and SEA
Over-reacting should not be on your mind when it comes to sexual assault or even "near" sexual assault. Im not sure exactly what the details are of your situation but DO NOT think that you are over-reacting. Your natural response is probably the right one.
 

HouseLing

When masturbations lost its fun you'r fucking lazy
Feb 9, 2002
9,275
SoCal
nothing physical needs to happen for someone to go into shock.

sorry to hear this though, was actually just wondering where you went off too the other day :hug:
 

yankeeschick14

New Member
Jul 25, 2007
1,315
NJ/PA
I don't think its overreacting, but I do think you need to talk to a mental health professional. I'm speaking as someone who's been sexually assaulted herself. You cannot allow this to take over your mind, because it will soon occupy all your thoughts. You already say you can't go out and speak to anyone. That's only reinforcing your fears. The best thing I ever did was force myself back into the situation, and form a meaningful relationship in which I was able to associate all those bad things with new good memories. Seriously, talk to someone. I never did and it took me many years to ever open up to anyone about it, and it was only after I began to talk that I started to get over it. :hug:
 

razi

New Member
Jan 6, 2007
1,043
I don't think its overreacting, but I do think you need to talk to a mental health professional. I'm speaking as someone who's been sexually assaulted herself. You cannot allow this to take over your mind, because it will soon occupy all your thoughts. You already say you can't go out and speak to anyone. That's only reinforcing your fears. The best thing I ever did was force myself back into the situation, and form a meaningful relationship in which I was able to associate all those bad things with new good memories. Seriously, talk to someone. I never did and it took me many years to ever open up to anyone about it, and it was only after I began to talk that I started to get over it. :hug:

what she said.
 

Lovely Atlantis

Luscious Lovely Lady!
Apr 8, 2006
1,494
Vancouver
:love: So sorry to hear that something like this happened to you. Don't let anyone tell you that you are overreacting. You react what ever way you do and that's perfectly fine. One of the big problems that people face with these situations is the "nothing happened" illusion. Just because a 'full rape' didn't occur doesn't mean that what did occur was ok. There are a variety of levels of assault, and no one is necessarily 'worse' than the other. They are all horrible in their own way. Please take Yankee's advice and seek some help. This is a very traumatic thing and you need a professional to talk to and help you get through this time. :love: My thoughts are with you....
 
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sparklwazngurly

sparklwazngurly

New Member
Sep 4, 2008
536
Sacto
Thank you for the reassurances. I did not go to the authorities. I had a warrant for a fix it ticket and didn't want to complicate things with my divorce... besides not having a physical description of the three men involved. I was raped in high school by some other students in the bathroom... so when I was forced to the vehicle of these three men, I flash backed and froze. I thought I had gotten over the past things, but it all came back, I feel just as hurt, beaten and victimized as I did then...

but thank you, thank you... I had only told one friend and they seemed to think I was overreacting since I did not suffer any injuries. Made me feel ashamed and guilty for feeling hurt, panicky, and victimized.
 

RougeOgre

FS Librarian and MOD
Jan 27, 2006
4,812
Frozen Bowels of HELL
I don't think its overreacting, but I do think you need to talk to a mental health professional. I'm speaking as someone who's been sexually assaulted herself. You cannot allow this to take over your mind, because it will soon occupy all your thoughts. You already say you can't go out and speak to anyone. That's only reinforcing your fears. The best thing I ever did was force myself back into the situation, and form a meaningful relationship in which I was able to associate all those bad things with new good memories. Seriously, talk to someone. I never did and it took me many years to ever open up to anyone about it, and it was only after I began to talk that I started to get over it. :hug:

yes... what she said!!
 

yankeeschick14

New Member
Jul 25, 2007
1,315
NJ/PA
Slower than is convenient, but a little better every day.
hey, it took me more than 10 years from the first incident to get over it. and frankly, there's still triggers. Its something you're going to have to deal with again and again. At first you're going to think about it every day, all the time. One day the time will come when you realize you didn't think about it at all. And then slowly, you will move on. You will never forget.

you cannot allow these people to control your life, and you have to realize that as horrible as the things are that have happened to you, they have made you the wonderful person you are today. It really helped me when I turned the negative into positive, and I have promised myself to never stop talking about it in an attempt to help other people avoid what I went through or get through it.

Honestly, if you need to talk, you can PM me.
 
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sparklwazngurly

sparklwazngurly

New Member
Sep 4, 2008
536
Sacto
On a side note: Buy 9mm pistol......take training classes.....carry in your purse everyday.
I have a pistol, I've had much training and military too... too hard carry concealed in cali, ordering an Asp... looking into krav... problem is that I froze, and forgot everything. But thanks.
 
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sparklwazngurly

sparklwazngurly

New Member
Sep 4, 2008
536
Sacto
hey, it took me more than 10 years from the first incident to get over it. and frankly, there's still triggers. Its something you're going to have to deal with again and again. At first you're going to think about it every day, all the time. One day the time will come when you realize you didn't think about it at all. And then slowly, you will move on. You will never forget.

you cannot allow these people to control your life, and you have to realize that as horrible as the things are that have happened to you, they have made you the wonderful person you are today. It really helped me when I turned the negative into positive, and I have promised myself to never stop talking about it in an attempt to help other people avoid what I went through or get through it.

Honestly, if you need to talk, you can PM me.
It took me about that long to get over the first one. Well... at least I thought I was over it, but freezing and flashing back.... just shows I am not over it. One of the reasons I got into the BDSM scene is that for me, the formality of it all and decorum, allowed me in a sense to take back what was taken from me then. In my opinion, submissives have the real control, having the power to call the scene with a safeword, the power of trust given to the dominant. Probably sounds silly but it let me cope with it, and feel like a victim no longer... until this happened. I thought I was past it.
 
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sparklwazngurly

sparklwazngurly

New Member
Sep 4, 2008
536
Sacto
:love: So sorry to hear that something like this happened to you. Don't let anyone tell you that you are overreacting. You react what ever way you do and that's perfectly fine. One of the big problems that people face with these situations is the "nothing happened" illusion. Just because a 'full rape' didn't occur doesn't mean that what did occur was ok. There are a variety of levels of assault, and no one is necessarily 'worse' than the other. They are all horrible in their own way. Please take Yankee's advice and seek some help. This is a very traumatic thing and you need a professional to talk to and help you get through this time. :love: My thoughts are with you....
thanks... I have missed two appointments with my psych, just haven't been able to get myself out the door, just freezing, unable to grab the handle. This all happened at a big gas station at noon on a thursday on the busiest street in the city... which is why I was lucky someone pulled me out. The guys pulled up to me before driving off and said that I would regret not letting them "take care" of me... I dorve around for an hour before goin home, afraid of bein followed. Iono... I will get to the psych, just need to get there...
 

yankeeschick14

New Member
Jul 25, 2007
1,315
NJ/PA
It took me about that long to get over the first one. Well... at least I thought I was over it, but freezing and flashing back.... just shows I am not over it. One of the reasons I got into the BDSM scene is that for me, the formality of it all and decorum, allowed me in a sense to take back what was taken from me then. In my opinion, submissives have the real control, having the power to call the scene with a safeword, the power of trust given to the dominant. Probably sounds silly but it let me cope with it, and feel like a victim no longer... until this happened. I thought I was past it.
interesting, I tend to be toward the submissive side as well...now that I think about it, I feel pretty close to the way you do about that.
Whoa. Your friend is senseless for making you feel guilty.

I would probably go on a murderous rampage being put in that kind of position. I've been through some unpleasant abuses myself ... Thought I've resolved not to ever put up with shit like that again, I don't know that I'd react any different than you!

:hug:
:werd: I've made the same promises to myself. Sadly enough, I did freeze years after I'd made that choice and allowed it to happen again. I was so pissed off at myself for that, but eventually I realized it wasn't my fault.

You don't need to carry a gun, but pepper spray may make you feel more confident. I carried it for a long time after learning to use it in the RAD program (Rape Aggression Defense). I used to get followed in my town all the time, and people would yell out their windows to me and throw beer bottles and cigarettes. The spray made me feel better even though I never had to use it.
 

razi

New Member
Jan 6, 2007
1,043
I have a pistol, I've had much training and military too... too hard carry concealed in cali, ordering an Asp... looking into krav... problem is that I froze, and forgot everything. But thanks.

asps and other collapsable batons are usually covered under the conceal-carry law too. ask a lawyer (or the local NRA chapter) before you go out with it.
 
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sparklwazngurly

sparklwazngurly

New Member
Sep 4, 2008
536
Sacto
interesting, I tend to be toward the submissive side as well...now that I think about it, I feel pretty close to the way you do about that.

Just the way I rationalized it I guess, glad to know someone else processed similarly.

:werd: I've made the same promises to myself. Sadly enough, I did freeze years after I'd made that choice and allowed it to happen again. I was so pissed off at myself for that, but eventually I realized it wasn't my fault.

Yeah, anger at freezing again... I don't think it's my fault, it was a low key jeans and t shirt day, no makeup even... so I don't think I was doing anything provoking... but the freezing, that just kills me.

You don't need to carry a gun, but pepper spray may make you feel more confident. I carried it for a long time after learning to use it in the RAD program (Rape Aggression Defense). I used to get followed in my town all the time, and people would yell out their windows to me and throw beer bottles and cigarettes. The spray made me feel better even though I never had to use it.

I'll have to look into the conceal-carry stuff...
 

yankeeschick14

New Member
Jul 25, 2007
1,315
NJ/PA
Yeah, anger at freezing again... I don't think it's my fault, it was a low key jeans and t shirt day, no makeup even... so I don't think I was doing anything provoking... but the freezing, that just kills me.
yeah unfortunately, its not about what you're wearing. when all that happened to me, I was a little kid, so obviously I wasn't wearing anything provoking. Every time i've ever been followed, I was either a pedestrian walking in jeans and a tee shirt, or a jogger wearing workout clothes and a ponytail. A lot of people in my town don't understand that its not flattering to yell at or follow people, because its more acceptable in their cultures. However, I wasn't used to that behavior and it freaked me out when I was like 13 and 14 years old. When I started dating my boyfriend we started exercising together and it eliminated the problem.

Now i leave in a VERY safe college town. My friends make fun of me because of how paranoid I am. I check over my shoulders constantly if I'm walking alone, I don't ever have an iPod on or anything to distract me. Especially at night. I keep my doors locked at all times, and at night I bolt lock the front door. I used to lock my roommate into and out of the room constantly when we lived in the dorm. I honestly don't care, I'm doing everything I can to protect myself.
 
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sparklwazngurly

sparklwazngurly

New Member
Sep 4, 2008
536
Sacto
My friends make fun of me because of how paranoid I am. I check over my shoulders constantly if I'm walking alone, I don't ever have an iPod on or anything to distract me. Especially at night. I keep my doors locked at all times, and at night I bolt lock the front door. I used to lock my roommate into and out of the room constantly when we lived in the dorm. I honestly don't care, I'm doing everything I can to protect myself.

I do the same and get the same reaction, but it is not going to change what I do.
 

Ramataklan

Well-Known Member
Feb 11, 2006
1,187
Istanbul
civilized open minded american world...you still dont know that you are close to be on the same level with darwins monkeys dont ya
 

korrosion

New Member
Mar 9, 2003
187
Chicago
On a side note: Buy 9mm pistol......take training classes.....carry in your purse everyday.
fs stuff aside, carry your damn gun. It does you no good at home. Better to be judged then carried. You swore an oath to uphold the constitution of the united states of america which says in part: A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. CCW is not a crime no matter what the state says. Carry your damn gun, that you were attacked is not your fault. 3 guys is a planed snatch not some random crime. File a police report. Carry your damn gun and next time shoot em. rant mode off.
 

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