There were 3 major milestones or rifts in my 2 year long relationship with the girl of my dreams. Or the girl I thought I was dreaming about. When we met, I was 20 and she was 18. This may or may not be useful. I met her while she was seeing someone else (a long distance relationship). The connection we had could not be ignored in the least. The first time she came over to my apt (nothing sexual), she told me that she thought she had been in love for the past 2 years with her bf but when we are together she feels something on a completely different level. I saw something that I wanted so badly, and I did everything I could to get it. After she broke ties with her ex and fully recovered from that, I told her I loved her and would do anything for her (honestly) and we consummated the relationship (my first time, too, which may indicate why I'm so attached, but I assure you I would be like this with anyone I loved). We basically lived together at this time. Fast forward about 6 months, and she's not done with her ex. I've moved back home at this point, so we are no longer living together. She lies to me and goes to see him and she says they kissed. She's a mess for awhile, and so am I, while we try and make things work out. From that point on, we had *everything* going for us. It was a fairy-tale love, no lie, and we talked about marriage a lot, but we both wanted to finish college first. She was very close with my family and stayed with us a lot. We did *everything* together and didn't have too much of a social life outside of our relationship, which I have discovered is not healthy at all. Last Fall she told me that she needed space and was having a nervous breakdown. She visited family out of state for a few weeks and when she came back I pretty much moved in with her and we resumed the relationship we had before she left. School is very stressful but being together in that stress helped us manage it much better. Things couldn't be better. Then she had a second episode. I took my things and left her apt. My grades went downhill. About a month after I left, she told me she made a huge mistake. Being the guy that I am, I wanted to get back to where we were again and knew that we were capable. And so we did. Fast forward to late July, and she tells me she's now seeing a psychologist. Many times over the course of our relationship I told her I would do anything to make her happy (not knowing that this would be used against me). We were supposed to go out to celebrate my birthday, which was 2 months prior, but we were on vacation and didn't have a lot of time to really do anything previously. I got a text message just minutes before I was supposed to go to her house saying basically "can we do this another time?" and could we meet somewhere else, she wanted to talk. Every guy knows the "talk" thing is awful. My heart sank, my stomach churned, and I prepared for the absolute worst. She says, "remember how you said you would do anything for me? Well I need you to do this for me, and give me some time to figure things out. I'm not happy, I feel like there's a hole in me, and you can't help me." This literally hit me like a ton of bricks. She tells me this has been going on for awhile and she has been lying to me about being happy. I want to go home, but she convinces me to stay and she says she will love me like I should be loved. I should have just gone home. Over next 4 weeks, I would experience pain that I have never ever experienced before. I lost my best friend. And facebook makes it even worse because I see her with friends she hasn't been with in forever, smiling and having a good time. I eventually talk to her about this and she says it's all a facade -- she's leading all these "other" lives, lying to everyone, in an attempt to not stay at her (new) house all by herself thinking about things and crying. We meet a few times, and she cries EVERY time. Once the ice is broken we talk just like we used to, say how much we miss each other because Fall reminds each of us of our relationship and all of the good times we have...I find out she has been drinking and hanging out with *known* date-rapists. This angers me and I express this anger, but she says she never drinks with them, and this is all part of this facade she has concocted. Last Tuesday, after the long weekend, she IMs me and says she misses me, could she call me later in the week. I say of course. Last Friday we met, talked, and tried to work things out. I told her I lost my best friend and I want this to end. She cried again, saying that she is making progress (still seeing the same psychologist). She kisses me before we part. She tells me she's going to a frat party with one of her friends who is seeing someone that will be there. I tell her to be safe. We NEVER did the party thing -- we always made fun of the drunk sluts and man-whores, so this is something new to her entirely. A mutual friend tells me she saw her drinking and "touching" (not kissing) another guy that night and holding an open container implying that she was drinking. My ex (or whatever she should be called at this point) tells this mutual friend "not to tell" me. That Saturday we met. She says she didn't drink the night before. I tell her I just want her to be completely honest. She says she is being honest. I say, you either want me in your life, or you don't. She says "I don't know right now." I tell her it doesn't have to be this way, it doesn't make sense, and this is not the girl I know. She says "maybe this is who I am." I say, "is it because it would be too much work? Because you know it would take a lot of work to get back to where we were, but I know what we're capable of." She just cries and shakes her head. Eventually I say, "do you want me in your life?" She says "not right now." I say bye, and walked away. Walked away from my world, in a sense. I'm so angry, I don't know what to do. I was initially severely depressed, but now that I think that this was going on for awhile, and she says she hid it from me, it all seems like an excuse. My parents have already expressed the fact that she's a headcase and no longer belongs anywhere near me or us. I mean she was literally a part of my family. My mom referred to her as her "daughter-in-law." I'm probably going to leave out a lot here, but you can imagine what's going through my head. I care about her so much as a person, not just as a girlfriend, that I cannot believe she's spinning out of control like this. I want to call her parents and talk to them. I want to talk to her friends about it. If she messes around with anyone else, there's absolutely no way I could take her back. I need to have a little bit more respect for myself in this situation than I have previously. It's so hard to have something like this and then one day, it's just completely gone. I know the "fishes" speech because I've given it to others so many times, but I just don't care about any other fishes at this point. I'm trying to stay focused on school because graduation is only 2 semesters away...but how can someone be so cold, so heartless, so soulless?