A couple weeks ago, my girlfriend and I had dinner over at my parents house. Everything went great and she really enjoyed meeting my family. So much so that she immediately wanted me to meet her parents (who live 4 hours away). She had a dentist appointment scheduled for this weekend (with her regular dentist - down at her parents home) so she asked me to come along with her. I happily agreed. So... we'll be staying at her parent's home for the entire weekend. My question is, assuming everything goes smoothly, how appropriate would it be, once I come back home, to send a Thank You letter to her parents for letting me stay in their home? Remember it would be the first time I have met them. Also if anybody has any advice on the actual meeting of parents, I'm all ears. This is the first time I've ever done this - kinda nervous.
That's extremely appropriate, in fact, I'm sure they'll love it. The first meet is nerveracking no matter what, especially if you are staying at there house. Make sure to never impose (i.e. dont just assume you will be sleeping in your grf's room there ) and always thank them for whatever they do. Other than that just be yourself and don't be too handsy with your gf.
Take a bottle of wine with you (if they drink) as a thank you I'm not a fan of the whole notes to parents of girls after staying over thing. Basically says "sorry for the stains on the sheets, have some embossed paper to make up for it" Edit, and there you have 2 very different options, the whole note thing isn't really big in Australia though, so beers advice might actually be better
Thanks. I figured it was a good idea... my only concern was possibly coming off as too try-hard. Her parents are very professional though (her father is a very successful physician) and I think they would appreciate the sentiment. I was aware of the rest of your advice. I usually am pretty good about acting appropriately. We already discussed how disappointing it's going to be to have to sleep separately as we sleep over at each other's houses on most nights.
I would say bring a small token of your gratitude but a note is very personal. Since this is the first meet say what you would have written in a note (e.i. how much you appreciate this so on and so forth) i would skip the note. She sees great qualities in you so show her parents those qualities and be yourself.
I'm not sure how big notes are here in the US either, especially coming from a 22 year old guy. I think maybe I watch too many Lifetime movies but I've always been the mooshy sentimental type, so it fits my personality Also it would be a genuine thank you as I do appreciate what they are doing for me considering we've never met. as far as bringing wine, I'm not sure I could get away with that - doesn't really fit my personality. also there is the fact that her family is pretty well-off (father owns his own personal plane for example), I doubt any wine I could afford would be impressive
He'd be sending the note after the visit, not handing them the note when he's there. If they are professional people they will like it very much. You still can bring something (like wine) if you'd like though.
Not so big on the gift idea just because I feel like I'd be bringing a juice box compared to what they already have on hand (I know her mother loves her wine ) I do think noting their address beforehand and sending a letter without telling anybody would make a strong statement though.
Yeah, the thank you note itself is almost trying too hard, so a gift would be even beyond that. But a thank you note is fine. They'll probably love it, UNLESS they hate you. If they don't like you, nothing is going to make them happy with you.
If they are well off, that probably means they are very classy people (stereotypical, I know) but just because they have money doesnt mean they have $1000 bottle of wine sitting around. I'd go pick up a bottle of $25 wine or so and take it for dinner. That is personally what I'd do, but if that doesnt fit you, then dont do it because it will seem as if you're trying to hard. The note is the best thing you can do I think, it will show alot of respect and I'm sure they will appreciate it. Now, offtopic a little but where will you be sleeping? With your girlfriend or in a separate guest room?
This is just me but I would go to your local distillery/liquor store and ask about a wine if you don't know too much about it. Also see if there is a vineyard close to where you are at (and you can taste test ) I stopped by a vinyard about 4 hours away from me once and they had a great Port that you drink with chocolate on a spoon . There are some great wines that only cost $20 a bottle.It is really up to perception when it comes to that. I like a more leathery wine (great Idaho vineyard that makes the best Pinot Noir) Get dome information on the wine and when you present the bottle let them know about the wine (this wine comes highly recommended and the grape is grown in XXXX with a hint of rasberry and apricot) If If they truely love their wine their interest will be perked and it will be the gesture that you took the time to pick something and presentation not the price it cost that they will like.
agree that a local wine would be a great gesture, moreso than some crap wine just bought in a liquor store on the way. seems less forced to me than a note because its just something you consume during dinner. You could also bring desert or something.
Classy rich people who drink $1000 bottles of wine would be pleased by the gesture of bringing them a $20 bottle. Snobby rich bastards would be annoyed by the gesture. It's a pity you can't disqualify gf parents the way you would potential gfs.
If you live far away, bring them something local that they wouldn't have access too. Regardless of price, it's +rep for exclusivity. "Hey, I heard you guys like wine; here is something from a local winery where I live. I hope you enjoy it." btw don't be surprised if they don't drink your wine with that dinner. It's possible they had something planned out already, or maybe the wine you bring doesn't go well with their dinner, etc.
if they really like wine, id bring something different, perhaps something local. or like said, a local wine. like, gay as it sounds, my town is big on pecans. id probably pick something up from a local grove and bring that.
The trouble with wine is, that not everybody drinks it. So you might want to ask your gf about that if you are going to go the wine route.
Thanks for the advice all. While I agree wine, especially something carefully chosen, would be a nice gesture I won't be bringing it. For one I don't really care for wine, and two I know next to nothing about it. Also as Viper mentioned, I think it may be too much. I think a short thank you letter is perfect. It's good to see you all agree. I'm really excited for this weekend but pretty nervous too. I'll definitely update this. And to answer your question jonesy, I'll be staying in one of their guest bedrooms, separate from their daughter.
Maybe this is just me and I'm completely weird but the note is a good idea but if you wanted to bring something desert is always very welcome to a home. My so's parents love pies so I brought one and took it over to their house when we ate there and they loved it so much that everytime I come over they say "dont forget the pie" as a comedy thing. Worth a shot if you want to.