First time in here, be gentle... This might turn out to be a long read, but it's all necessary to flesh out all the relevant info. Okay some background.. I've been with my girlfriend coming up on three years now. I'm 24 and she is 20. We live in different cities a bit less than two hours apart, so until she started having a crazy work schedule lately, I went to see her just about every weekend. Being a typical unsocial type, she was my first everything. But she was sexually active from a very young age, and went through a lot of shitty and traumatic experiences with gangs and drugs... mind you this was in middle school. Her "storied" past I guess was a bit of a sticking point for me, but I accepted it and dealt with it. She got herself out of the nasty shit a few years before but was scarred by it and depressed for a long time until after we got together and I helped her work through everything. I really care about her and we are at the point of talking marriage. In about a month, she is moving out of state, about 5-6 hours away, to continue her schooling, and I plan to follow her there, but not move in together. At this point I should note a few things about myself. I've been known to be a little neurotic at times. I would say I'm the jealous type. It always kind of burned me about her past, she is my first and only, I feel like that's a really special thing and she will never have that with me, I'm just the latest in a long line of boys and girls. She even once admitted to me that she didn't know if she could be satisfied with just me, and have no contact at all with girls. My lack of confidence in my, er.. abilities, being unexperienced, doesn't help. I know that's a common feeling for people to have and it's not necessarily right. But I do feel like on other levels we have something between us that she never really had with anyone else before. The first thing she did that really got to me was when I was out of town, after we had been together a couple months, she got drunk at a party and made out with one of her girl friends. I called her on the phone when she was there, and she told me this having no idea I would have a problem with it. I let her know I didn't really like her doing that but pretty much let it slide. A while later she did the same thing again, and I got mad at her and told her so more directly. A few months later - yep, you guessed it, she got drunk at another party and did it again, and that was when I got really pissed. She had known my feelings and just disregarded them (it was then that she told me about not wanting to give up girls). Still, she promised no more, and as far as I know, she has not broken that promise. Remember what I said about being jealous? Well as she is a sort of geeky type, she has a number of pretty close male friends, one of whom you might say is her best friend; I've sometimes thought they have more in common than we do, and she'd be with him if not for me. Her sister started the running joke of calling him her "other boyfriend" because she hangs out with him a lot. But I have done my best to reason with my head on this. I don't want to live in a constant state of worry because of my own insecurities. She hasn't done anything to truly break my trust, so for me to be so suspicious isn't very fair to her. Fast forward to a few months ago. She and her sister play COH with a number of friends including the best friend and his roommate, who as it happens is her sister's boyfriend of some months. They want to do some quest or something, and they both decided to take their computers over there and play all night. Meanwhile I am in town both of these days and staying at another friend's house - I can hardly go inside that place for 15 minutes because I have bad cat allergies and they have four of them. I helped her get her stuff over there, stayed for a bit and then said goodnight and went to "my" place. I couldn't sleep much. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. And not because I was actually sick. Morning came, I didn't feel much better, so I went over there to see her and to prove to myself there was nothing wrong. Nobody was up yet. She wasn't answering her phone at first, must have been asleep. When she did pick up after a couple tries I asked her to let me in, obviously sounding anxious about something, she seemed kind of stunned that I was there, she said okay, I'll be right down... a 20 second distance at most. 4 minutes passed before she appeared. Strange. Now the panic sets in. She decided she'd go ahead home, so I helped her with her stuff. Her computer was in best friend's room. So were a couple of her things. So was... her phone. Not only in the room but on the desk right next to best friend's bed, which had a large uncovered area on the near side. No, you're just having crazy thoughts. Put it out of your head. Later in the day, I told her I had been thinking worrisome thoughts. I think worrisome thoughts all the time though. This had to be just another one. I never accused her of anything, but she guessed what it was: "You think I'm fucking [friend], right?" She brushed it off, brought me to my senses. She said "Don't worry, I'm not going to leave you for [friend]," in a reassuring tone. Yet, she never actually denied the first thing. Okay, don't nitpick. There's nothing going on; get over it. Recently I've found myself ever more unable to stop thinking about that day. It's the phone. So she was on the computer in there, the other stuff being there makes sense but... why would she have been woken up by the phone, sleeping in another room, and put it down there before coming to the door? It makes no sense. As minor and stupid as it seems, that's the part that makes the whole thing stink. I've seen other pieces too. Her sex drive really started to wane after we had been together for about a year and a half, and it's continued downhill since. We don't get many chances naturally, since she still lives with her parents and I have no place to myself down there. We spent an entire week with her family on vacation at a beach house. I had my own room. We had sex once. We must have done it ten or twelve times in a week on the last vacation two years ago. I know cooling off after a while is normal, but I sure don't like it. It's like she doesn't put much effort into us anymore, not just with sex but in other areas besides that. She hardly calls me anymore. We'll go a week without speaking if I don't call her. She has let herself go in weight eating junk all the time which I don't much like either, since I made a big effort to lose weight myself, not at her request exactly, but in part for her. There are certain things she has said very recently, like she told me she could never have a relationship with [friend], a real relationship like we have... then said at most she could only have a physical relationship with him. That one struck me a little funny when I heard it; thinking back now it seems like a giant red flag with all the other things. I have it in my mind to just go talk straight with her about this. Lay out what I've been thinking, every detail, like I've done here. I don't want to accuse her of anything, but I do want to ask a straight question with a straight answer. I can't prove anything and she can't disprove anything. All I can do is ask her and see her response. Of course if I'm right then it's just an opportunity to lie, but perhaps I could tell if she is being truthful. I fear the question will hurt her very much if my suspicions truly are unfounded. I've always felt like honesty is the best policy, and I honestly am concerned, but this is so sticky and I just don't know what I should do.