Is there any way to tell if I'm in a bad relationship? It's always easy to tell when your an outsider looking in, but when your one of the people who is in the relationship, then it can be more difficult. Lets start with her: I've been dating her for 8 months. The first 3-4 months were really good. We were in our "honeymoon" period where we are very nice to each other all the time. As time went on, I began to notice things about her that really bugged me. One example is that she isn't very affectionate. I'd like to get hugged or kissed out of the blue once in a while, but she never ever does that. She will just sit there and if I don't make a move, then we won't touch each other all night. Another example is that her mother cheated on her father a lot. Despite the fact that she has explained to me that she will never be like that, I can't help but logically conclude that, "like mother, like daughter". I know it's wrong for me to assume such a thing, but I honestly cant help it. Another thing is that she smokes pot while I do not. It gets to me because it gives me the impression that she uses it as a crutch and that she can't manage without it. The last example is that she has put herself in compromising situations. She goes to clubs, she gets drunk when an ex-boyfriend is partying with her, and one time she went on an out of state trip with 2 of her girlfriends and 3 guys. I'm not saying she WILL cheat, but why even put yourself in situations that make you more vulnerable? Me: Almost every time I see her I jokingly make fun of her. It really gets her upset and I'm sure it is affecting her self esteem at this point. I honestly don't want to be mean like that. I just can't stop though. I get bored and I decide to act immature and I will entertain myself at her expense. The jokes are actually more like immature comments like, "you smell bad", or "you're so dumb, I love you". On top of the jokes, I criticize her a lot about her lifestyle. Her decisions just make no sense to me, and I can't help but tell her how dumb she is for doing certain things. For example, the way she puts herself in those compromising situations. Also, for the longest time she had no money and instead of getting a job she would hang out with friends and smoke pot or whatever. It just seems so dumb to me to behave that way, that I had to tell her because I wanted to help her be more active about fixing the problems in her life. I think the reason I do those "comments and jokes" is because obviously I have some sort of suppressed anger about her. So we've been getting in fights almost every time we see each other. We always make up though. Another thing I've noticed is that she acts like she is walking on egg-shells when she's around me. I can tell she is a lot more careful now with what she says around me. When I asked her about that, she says she "doesn't want to set me off". I think my judgements were fair and constructive, but if we are at the point where she can't be herself then I think the relationship has become abusive. Meaning that I am abusive towards her. She reassures me that we are fine and that I'm not being abusive, but I think I am and I definitely don't want to do that too her seeing as how I love her and I think she deserves better treatment. I know she loves me back, and I can't help but wonder if that is the sole reason why she is staying with me if in fact I AM being abusive? How can I tell, and what should I do?