SRS How do I move on?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by crazynova, Jan 8, 2010.

  1. crazynova

    crazynova Well-Known Member

    Jan 14, 2005
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    A galaxy far, far away
    This is my first post in here so please bear with me.

    I'll start by giving a little bit of background. I am 20 years old, turning 21 at the end of the month. I have a great job, live on my own, am smart, decent looking, and drive a nice car.

    I have no problem flirting with women but have a hard time moving past flirting and turning it into something. For a while I figured that it was something I would learn in time, which hasn't happened. I am not the type who is looking for hook-ups, but rather a meaningful relationship.

    Right now, I haven't had a girlfriend since 9th grade of high school, which is a long time. Up until then I was on a normal curve relationship wise and was doing great. In my later years of high school though, I stopped caring about school and did not have anything happen in the relationship department. To be honest, I projected myself as an asshole and not many people liked me.

    During high school I met a girl who I really liked. I worked with her and all was fine and dandy. When I finally got up the courage to ask her out and she said yes I was ecstatic. Well, a few hours before I was supposed to pick her up, she called and cancelled. Being the cynical untrusting person I am, I drove down by our work to see if she was there. Low and behold she was, making out with the supervisor in his truck.

    Anyways, after that incident (I never told her what I saw) I have been a failure when it comes to women. I can talk to them normally, but cant get past that. I need advice on what I can do to move on with my life and not still be hung up on what happened 4 years ago... I have made leaps and bounds worth of progress in my life in a professional aspect and everyone at work loves me, but am failing socially and relationship wise.

    If you have any advice, I'll take what I can get but I don't know how to get over this barrier. Thanks.
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Oct 8, 2002
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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    The terrible incident has made you paranoid and reluctant to do anything with woman anymore because you have a fear in the back of your mind that they will turn and cheat on you.

    The answer = Not all woman are like that.

    Along that the aswer to your problem is to make a continues investment into a relationship, your not trying hard enough , or better said the fear makes you stop from 'supposedly getting hurt', but its not always the case.

    Its sorta like driving in a car, or flying in a plane, once it crashes you may never want to drive a car or fly a plane anymore. But its rediculous right?, just because one airplane,or car crashes doesn't mean that every time you step into a car or airplane it will crash. The same counts with woman, they are like airplanes, some crash on you, some don't. And there's rotten apples everywhere, but there are good ones too. So its purely irrational what you are thinking. You need to jump over your fear, and keep going for gold in your life. Fear is like a prison with an open door, being afraid of what lies beyond or getting hurt is making you stay in the same place, but the only way to set yourself free is to keep moving on.
  3. Capt. Slow

    Capt. Slow Member

    Sep 30, 2009
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    Just to add a little more on to what Darketernal said, if you can't really seem to overcome this fear try taking it a bit slow at first. Do what you can do (ask someone out, go on a date or two), and once you start to feel afraid that you will be betrayed again just tell yourself to calm down and rationalize. If that does not work we will still be here to help.
  4. Japan Four

    Japan Four Guest

    you need to not idolize women. being a man means a woman should see you as the prize. men are providers, and women are the ones who compete for the providers.

    like DE said, its like a crash. when we crash, or experience traumatic events in life our mind, subconsious and bodies do things that we arent very mentally aware of.

    You need to work on focusing on multiple women. Realize that a woman should not be a cause of emotional negativity, realize that you dont need to tolerate it. be a man, look at things like you control them( aka your feelings, and reactions) being a man means being in control.

    so take control, muster up the courage, and make some moves! being a man is about taking chances, so take some chances.

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