Apologies on the length.. I've been dating this girl for about 2.5 years now, and she's great. Really. She's treated me the best out of any of my past girlfriends, and I love her a lot. But...she has a past, and is rather damaged goods, whereas I've had a rather blessed upbringing. Let me preface this by saying I'm not a terribly religious person; I'd say more naively idealistic. Little back story. I'm 25, she's 24. We met in college, and everything was good. Four months after meeting me and seeming into me, she decides to start sleeping around. She went through a bunch of guys in a short amount of time. I was a virgin at the time, and that was something I was in no way interested in. I placed (and still do, I've only ever been with one person) a high value on sex, love, whatever. Fast forward about 6 months. Things start to develop with us, we're pretty good together. We've been together off and on since then, and really committed to being together a couple of years ago. Well, I slipped up. We had sex one night when I was completely annihilated. I've been living in shame of that night ever since it happened (but I guess that hasn't stopped us from continuing to do it) because it totally wrecked my idealistic "first time". Now...the relationship is at a point where naturally, one would be attempting to identify where it's leading. That's the sticking point. A) I'm not ready to get married, and B) I can't get over her past. I know it doesn't affect things now, but my girlfriend prior to her was a virgin (we were waiting -- ha), and having wanted to lose it to another virgin, my idealism about sex was retarded high I guess. The REAL kicker is, she lost her virginity at 17 by sexually assault (ironic, isn't it?) and her justification for the sleeping around was to "regain control". I can't even begin to fathom that, but I don't think I ever will, as I've never gone through an event such as that. I can't really identify with people who view sex in such a callous regard... I know I'm probably going to get flamed for this post, but I don't care. This is how I feel, and I want to get over it. I need to get over my idealism, and I need to get over my problem with her past. She's a great girl, but this stupid fucking problem just keeps nagging at me. I think I need to see a shrink.