LOVE How do you help your SO when they've thru something horrible?

Aquakittie

Active Member
Feb 5, 2007
3,364
Los Angeles, CA
How do you help your SO when they've gone thru something horrible?

Back story:

My SO and I were having a quiet evening in on Friday night. Takeout, movies on TV etc. He passes out early, but I'm still up watching movies. One of 3 roomies-the homeowner,"John" is home, sick in bed down the hall. At 12:30 I run outside to get something from the car, hear/see nothing. 12:45 I hear the dog barking, get a little alarmed but its a nice rural neighborhood, dogs bark. But I was still apprehensive, the dog isn't a huge barker, but he does bark at rats or small night creatures etc. But I don't get up. 10 min later, "John" comes storming out of his room pounding on our door screaming that a car (presumably the 3rd roomies) is on fire in the drive way.

We race outside, and see that its my SO's car that's on fire, and the garage door was graffiti tagged with a racial slurs (remember, my SO is mixed) and the hood of "John's" Yukon was tagged with a pentagram and all 4 tires slashed. The car starts exploding as I'm calling 911.

The police get there fast but we're all standing in the rain outside the house helplessly staring at his car going up in flames. It took over 30 min for them to put it out once the fire dept got there even in a total downpour. "John's" Yukon was completely melted on the side that was next to my SO's car, so its likely totaled too.

Being the victim of a hate crime it makes it all the worse. There was a snafu with his insurance so his 2009 car isn't covered on the accident and the homeowners insurance will only cover what was in the car (an ipod, and digital camera and a sweater).

After the car was towed we then spent another 2hours scrubbing the racial threats off the garage until 5am.

But he was completely distraught naturally, and has been totally bummed all weekend. Since he's in such a financial pickle he's really freaking out. All our friends came out to support my SO and his roomie on Saturday to help get their minds off everything but once the get together's over and the friends go home, we're all left to our own thoughts again.

We're trying to move in together and such and with these recent financial woes its probably gonna push things back a bit especially if he has the car company on his back about the car loan.

Anyways a bunch of friends were talking about how its so wrong to have happened to such a good person who has no enemies etc and how we all want to do a fundraiser or something to help him out.

Anyone have any suggestions on what I/we could do to help? Emotionally I'm the biggest support he's got and I've been there for him but the actual details are whats next.

CLIFFS: SO was the victim of hate crime and he's now fucked financially, and me and friends are trying to figure out ways to help him. Any suggestions?

if anyone would like to help out with a Paypal donation in the name of helping a victim of a hate crime, my SO, here's the email address:

[email protected]
or direct link
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=YURMQNPR996LL

The only person seeing the emails/donations is me, so no bullshit spamming please.
 
Last edited:

THoC

Well-Known Member
Feb 5, 2007
7,349
sorry to hear this happened.


what can you do? other than being there for him, offering moral support, and letting him vent... not much. i suppose you could try and get him out the house to keep his mind off it.

can you/do you want to .... help him financially?
 
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Aquakittie

Aquakittie

Active Member
Feb 5, 2007
3,364
Los Angeles, CA
sorry to hear this happened.


what can you do? other than being there for him, offering moral support, and letting him vent... not much. i suppose you could try and get him out the house to keep his mind off it.

can you/do you want to .... help him financially?
As much as I'd like to, I can't really help him out financially. I just actually lent him some money that he was to payback Saturday after his cashed his first paycheck at this new job. But since all this happened I refused to allow him to pay me back on Saturday. But other than that small loan, I can't do much really.

We're trying to brainstorm some kind of fundraiser for him...but don't know what or how to go about it. He's a very popular man in his community and has a LOT of friends and acquaintances since he's grown up in that community. I mean we all call him the "mayor of Awesometown" cus, he really is that well known and that loved of a guy. I'm sure people would come out of the woodwork to help him, I just don't know how to go about it. And with me living out of town from him, it makes it harder.
 

Amanda Ann

New Member
Jan 31, 2007
13,996
FL
Maybe you can contact some local bars/communities and see if they'd be willing to help with a fundraiser? People here do it all the time. The cover charges would be donated to your bf and some bars are even willing to do a special happy hour where all profits are also a donation or x% of their earnings that night are donated.

If you could get bands to donate their time for the benefit also, that's great entertainment, and justifies the cover charge. One of my gf's just had a benefit for her father and they also had people and companies donate baskets/prizes that they raffled off.


Sorry this shit happened. It sickens me that people still act in this manner. :wtc:
 

iwishyouwerebeer

you shut your cunt
Sep 1, 2006
31,941
So awful, I'm so sorry you and he have to go through this :( It makes me sick, but I know it happens-most people just don't want to believe it happens.

If you get me a paypal link, I'll donate something.
:werd:

You said your friends mentioned a fundraiser? Maybe you can start a little smaller and have donations made through Paypal? 04JETTA did it to try and cover the expenses of his dad'd funeral proceedings.
 

IslanderOffRoad

Do you even lift kit?
Dec 23, 2003
82,163
Houston, Tx
He's up here in Saugus (Santa Clarita Valley) so its a bit more country-fied out here, but yeah, even all the sheriffs were in utter shock cus they never see any hate crimes up there.

I grew up near there, so I could see it happening there more than other parts of LA.

What was the issue with his insurance?
 
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Aquakittie

Aquakittie

Active Member
Feb 5, 2007
3,364
Los Angeles, CA
Maybe you can contact some local bars/communities and see if they'd be willing to help with a fundraiser? People here do it all the time. The cover charges would be donated to your bf and some bars are even willing to do a special happy hour where all profits are also a donation or x% of their earnings that night are donated.

If you could get bands to donate their time for the benefit also, that's great entertainment, and justifies the cover charge. One of my gf's just had a benefit for her father and they also had people and companies donate baskets/prizes that they raffled off.


Sorry this shit happened. It sickens me that people still act in this manner. :wtc:
Wow, this is just small enough of a community that this kind of idea might just work and we DO know some bands that would be willing to participate. Thanks!
 
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Aquakittie

Aquakittie

Active Member
Feb 5, 2007
3,364
Los Angeles, CA
So awful, I'm so sorry you and he have to go through this :( It makes me sick, but I know it happens-most people just don't want to believe it happens.


:werd:

You said your friends mentioned a fundraiser? Maybe you can start a little smaller and have donations made through Paypal? 04JETTA did it to try and cover the expenses of his dad'd funeral proceedings.
How do you go about broadcasting something like that to get donations?
 
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Aquakittie

Aquakittie

Active Member
Feb 5, 2007
3,364
Los Angeles, CA
You sure there isn't another reason for it? I've lived in areas with hate crimes but never anything this extreme without a real reason.
actually there really isn't any that we can think of. He is quite literally loved by everyone who knows him. He doesn't road rage and wouldn't have been followed home by some raging random asshole. He doesn't frequent bars or get into scuffles. When he DOES drink he's the one keeping the peace between friends. He is always going above the call of duty to help his family and friends out. He just started a new job and hasn't really got his feet wet but he was the only one interviewed (he used to work there so it was an easy shoe-in) so it isn't likely it was someone who he beat out on the job. He doesn't have friends who are into anything crazy. They're all just hometown boys who play softball on Thursdays and work and are married or in relationships. Even the softballs games are for the most part mellow, nothing big going down with team rivalries. He's very family oriented and has a brother that's a teacher and with whom he used to coach high school basketball for. He's like your poster child for all around good guy.

He doesn't do drugs and doesn't gamble (except betting ball games with his brother during major events). He's friendly with all his neighbors and gives oranges off their tree to the little old lady a few houses down.

I mean really, there is NOTHING.
 

Mr. November

Pretty much do anything they need/want, unless what they want is to be left alone, and then I give them space.

Ps- that fucking sucks and I'm sorry. Hope it all works out :hs:
 

MPogg

New Member
Dec 27, 2010
199
:hug: So sorry your SO has to deal with this kind of shit. Racist fucks make me sick.
 

BlazinBlazer Guy

Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.
Jul 24, 2002
18,351
Lansing, MI USA
Holy shit, sorry to hear about this.... I can't believe people are still this ignorant. Please tell us the police at least have some leads on finding the scum that did this!
 
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Aquakittie

Aquakittie

Active Member
Feb 5, 2007
3,364
Los Angeles, CA
Holy fuck, that's terrible. What the fuck is wrong with people?

Glad everyone is ok.

If you get me a paypal link, I'll donate something.
how do you find out what your paypal link is? I've gone to my paypal account and all I can see is Request Money but it just asks for an email address of who to request money from?
 

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