To say I am lost recently would be the understatement of the century. I slept with a married woman I knew to be married, and she was just wed in April. I haven't been able to get her off of my mind for the last seven years - when I fell in love with her in the first place. She reappeared in my life a month ago. She was only in town for a month, and I was willing to risk everything to get her to reconsider her marriage and our relationship. I don't regret anything I did, but knowing that it would turn out with her moving across the country with her husband I wouldn't do it again... and I know those two propositions seem mutually exclusive, but somehow they're not. I want to be dead and punished for what I've done, but I also want to be with her and happy. Now I go about my daily life, running a business working 70 hour weeks with absolutely no passion. I am content being at work, I don't care about anything else in my personal life. I no longer strive to leave work as soon as possible so I can be with friends/family/go to the gym/etc. I just do things in a mechanical methodical manner, and nothing gets me worked up like it did before. I feel like an emotionless robot, but if I am then why the fuck have I been crying for the last 20 minutes? There is no point to this post, I just want to tell someone how i feel and can't tell anyone I know about all of this... I don't want to scare family, and I can't tell my friends because they'll know who I've slept with and that could damage her marriage (as if I haven't done enough already). I don't know what to expect from posting this and what I'm told probably doesn't matter, i just want to fucking die.