I need to vent. I'm 24 and it has always been this way. I'm so shy and awkward around women it's not even funny. I have such a negative perception of myself when it comes to women. Even if a girl tells me I'm cute (not very often, but it does happen), I don't believe her. I'm always afraid that I'm boring and uninteresting and don't have a lot to offer. I really don't know how to fix this either. I've been talking to this girl in my English class for about 2 weeks now. She found me on myspace and said I was cute and everything and we started talking. She's actually cute as hell and has an awesome body...it's a rarity for a girl like this to actually acknowledge me. Thing is, we don't really have a ton in common, so this makes it far more awkward. She's also 19, and I typically wouldn't go after someone younger. We were hanging out tonight watching TV (we hung out twice before, both times at her friend's place, both times drinking) for like 5 hours and nothing happened. I was holding her and stuff, she was poking me and playing around a bit. I feel like I'm all rigid and creepy with my hands, I was caressing her back and her sides and stuff. Nothing major. So, since I am extremely shy and not good at making moves, I said in a playful manner, "I think you should just sit on my lap facing me. That would be more comfortable." Something along those lines...and I'm pretty sure I caught her off guard, and I'm pretty sure she blushed, and she was like "What? Why?" not creeped out, just kinda caught off guard. She never did sit on my lap...after we were playful again a bit later, I brought it up...nothing happened. So of course, I felt a bit shmucky. I dunno, she seems to dig me but wasn't about to sit on my lap. I'm horrible at reading signals, really, so maybe I was misinterpretting things, but the way she was being playful and stuff, I thought it was a sign to proceed, ya know. Maybe she's just as shy, I don't know. Maybe in this case, I'm shooting myself in the foot, since I don't think we have a lot in common. Maybe I'm just going after her cause she's attractive and she's attracted to me. Maybe this will just be something brief for fun, I don't know. But really, I'm sick of how I am so damn shy and insecure around women. It sucks. How do you fix 24 years of this shit? I'm in therapy for OCD (my obsession is that I think I am gay, and this is one of the main things that feeds into that). I've been wanting to fix this but I never know where to start. It's hard to break old habits I guess. I don't know where else I'm going with this, so I'll just end it. Thank you for letting me vent.