The reason for that is alot of shit has been happening currently in my life and I have a lot of emotional ups and downs right now. Since i was 14 my father has been cheating on my mom with another women from another country. Yeah he went overseas got a prostitute and decided to marry her. Well since then he purposely doesn't pay bills and saves up money for trips every year to go back and see that cunt, and now that cunt owns her own barbershop has a house and has my fathers other child. All that was payed for by my fathers money that he saved up for them when he could help us out with the bills. Well because of that my mother was forced to take money out of different types of savings to pay for the bills. So the years go on with the same shit happening and now he owes a shitload of money on credit cards, and guess what my mother and father have a joint account or something like that. our house foreclosed well at least it was supposed to be. yesterday at 5 pm the bank we owed money to sent a sheriff to our house with a 48 hour eviction notice. Now we have to move and it looks like we only have today to do it. So i started packing and thinking about all the shit thats happened and looking at myself for being a failure, i guess i forgot to tell you guys about me. I'm 19 went to highschool till my sophmore year then they asked me to go to an HSED program since i had low credits and i agreed. Now I have an HSED and i went to college for a semester then dropped out. I've done a lot of partying smoked the green every now and then but never did any harder shit. Anyways when i was thinking I thought about how bad my mother has it with her illnesses. I thought how fucking hard it must be to raise someone like me and to live with someone so cold fucking hearted and take them back. I thought how much i love my mom but i never show it. I thought about how i can fix this. I thought how much i hated him. Then this is where i cried. I cried hard, and i realized that this was true pain. Getting beaten didn't compare to this. I felt like he hated us and no doubt he probably does. I felt i couldn't move on. Well the next paragraph was going to be about more shit but i changed it cause well read. Well now the weird thing is that i feel a little better because writing this got alot off of my chest and now probably after reading all this you guys will be all wtf... and even if none of you know me thanks for reading. Just a couple seconds ago i was just thinking that yeah it won't get better, but you know what fuck it. It won't get better if you don't want to make it better. He doesn't have to change if he doesn't want to he's probably gonna be out of my life anyways. After all this shit is over I'm gonna change my life somehow i'll probably pursue another job so i can make more cash go back to CC to get my IT Programmer deal. And hopefully score this one beauty I've been talking to but i need to lose weight and thats another story. Thanks again for taking the time to read i know its confusing but still some advice on what to do would be appreciated.