I hate trying to tell people my problems, I can never say what I am thinking for some odd reason. Anyways let me try to clue you in. I am 19, live at home with parents/go to city college/work. My mom has brain cancer 9, my dad is a fire fighter trying to support our family (been happening for 5 years) and I have two brothers. I wrote you members of Asylum because I don't know where else to turn to. I know I have depression to an extent (having more lows than I used to, feeling sore, tired, and not creative all the time). I wish I could tell you exactly why I am depressed but there are so many things going on in my mind at 1000x miles an hour that if I were you tell you you would only focus on what I said which would be 2/1000 of what I am thinking. Does that make sense? I don't know if my health insurance provides a psychologist (I have Kaiser, but don't think so), and I don't really have anyone to sit down and empty my mind on to because frankly I am not that close to anyone any more and it's been hard to get anyone to genuinely listen to me. I am NOT suicidal or anything like that but every morning I wake up I take joy in the little things but my day gets drained away, and nothing good comes from it. Maybe it's in the way I measure my day but when I get home and its night I try to think of what all I have accomplished and how I have bettered peoples lives. But for the last year (with a few days as exceptions) I come home empty handed. I try to do all the things I am passionate about (write songs, make videos, write stories, take pictures) but either I began them and become uninterested or don't attempt them at all. I try to help people but every attempt as failed. I just wonder where did my life go? I used to be so happy and creative and had such good friends. Now here I am, breaking down, friendless, passionless, and with no idea of a future. How do you leave this mindset behind? How do I stop this constant thinking. I used to feel like just a person with feelings that made mistakes. Now I feel like a brain, connected to a body that analyzes everything I do to find out why. And the answers I usually find are due to me not being myself. It's a vicious cycle with no end.