I pretty much want to die. I'm too much of a wuss to actually go through with it, I think. But I do. Currently, I have a financial problems, academic problems, emotional problems. I don't expect anyone to really tell me anything new or even respond to this, but I just have to write it somewhere. My ex (only ex) has been pretty much emotionally abusing me since I transferred away to a 4 year school. Well, she's pretty much ALWAYS done this more or less. Cheating in all sense of the word. Chronic liar. I'm too weak to have really done anything about it. Although I did break up with her before going to school, I did keep going back to her during breaks. Every time she swore to me nothing was going on or this or that. Every time I'd find out she was dating some other guy or slept with some other guy or went back to some other guy. Every time she would make me feel like a piece of shit because I was skeptical. And almost every time I turned out to be right. So this went on all year. It's pretty much battered me emotionally. Not only that, but I haven't made any friends here and a lot of my previous friends have faded out, turned into different people or decided I'm too much of a bummer to remain friends with. So to get any kind of social contact, I started playing WoW again. It's a pretty pathetic fix for social contact, I've got to be honest. That and it totally killed my drive to do anything else, not that it was super strong to begin with. So, this last semester I've completely failed all my classes. Oh and at the beginning of the semester I got in the first accident I've ever been in in 8 years of driving. Now, I have money problems. It's not really that I'm in debt. I don't use credit cards. I only have my car loan (of which the value of my car greatly exceeds the current balance of the loan) and some small student loans. But my checking account is empty. I don't even have enough money to pay for the gas to get home now that the semester is over. So here I am, I've been in my room at school (semester is over) and I haven't done anything for 2 weeks but play WoW and hide from people. None of the people that I still think might be my friends have called me. My grandparent's have called me a couple times but I don't have the heart to talk to them and worry them about anything. I don't know when or if I'm going home. I'd rather just end the anxiety and depression. I've had a problem with depression since probably middle school. My ex gave me a bit of happiness while I was with her but it was bittersweet as soon as I started finding out about the deceptions. I've always thought about suicide, but I fail at even being able to formulate a plan for it. I'm scared and I really do think there wonderful things about life, I just don't think I'll personally ever achieve them. I have no interest in taking drugs. I don't know if I've been manipulated, but I don't like the idea of what happens to people on antidepressants or any kind of drug like that. If I can't ok with life as myself, I don't want to be at all. This is probably just a waste of server space and way too long to read. Also, it's probably just like everyone else's problems. Thanks if you even opened the thread anyway.