Background about me: I've been depressed my whole life. I never told nobody or seeked help from anyone. I grew up a minority race in a town and naturally had no friends. I moved around a lot also. My parents separated when i was 11, and I became a troubled kid. I got into a lot of trouble, got arrested a lot, and served time in Juvy for sending a fellow class mate to the hospital. Throughout my high school years, I got beat up A LOT. I once got beat up 2 times in 10 minutes by 4 different people. One time I got sent to the hospital after I received multiple wounds to the head from a baseball bat. In the final year of high school, I wrote this journal article in writing class that freaked out my teacher to the point where she consulted my counsellor, who arranged me to see a therapist weekly. Well I saw the therapist well until i was 18, at which point she claimed I was showing improvements, and if I wanna come back I have to see a doctor and give him her referral number. I knew she wanted to get rid of me though, because I was an adult at 18 and the school was no longer funding the therapy. Also in my final year of high school, I got my first and last gf. We lasted 6 months until I got into a serious car accident with her. She dumped me shortly after. I was heartbroken, and I don't think I've ever recovered. I have no friends at the moment. I had maybe 3 close friends from high school, who have all moved or gone off to college now. Recently I was set up by an accquaintance, and I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm awaiting trial, and well it does not look too good. I was told I'll be looking at 10-15 years if I lose. My mom is getting really old, and can no longer walk and can't work anymore. I was sitting driving today after seeing my probation/bail officer, and I drove by a cemetery and I was just thinking about the life I've lead so far. I don't know why, but at that moment, tears started rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably. This happens once in a while. I'm not asking for help or for anyone's pity.