Hey dipshit mods: don't lock threads that contain neat techno stories in them. Jesus. My main computer is an 800mhz G4 iBook, which is strange because they even had 866mhz G3 iBooks, but suffice it to say that my iBook is way slow. At least its pretty. So anyway I live in a converted commercial building: it used to be the EPA, now its condo lofts. My ISP provides ethernet connections, and through NAT we're all on a big 10.X network and share the internet. Its a line of sight rooftop wireless network to a big fat pipe at HQ. This connection used to be great, and I don't even pay for it, but lately they have capped bit torrent and... like I said, I don't pay so who can I bitch to? As I was lacking in megahootz, I created and implemented the following scheme. I did some math and... there are 180 units in this building. Probably HALF of those have the same ISP as me. And most of those computers run faster clock speeds than mine so... I set out to work. I downloaded, compiled, and ran nmap to find other computers on the building wide LAN. There were 33 computers there, as many as 53 in total, up to 20 more in the evenings after people brought their notebooks home from work. I profiled each machine, and began to rootor them. I would look at the system's properties, and then go around the building with my scanner and a directional antennae, and with the blueprints they have downstairs I was able to pin point the physical location of each PC according to its clock speed, which I heard resonating on my scanner. I hacked together a custom ICMP based monitor using Nagios and created a 3D map of my building showing the physical location of each PC, and its status at the moment. Looking at that image, I felt like the building, and its electronic nervous system, was my friend. I stopped taking calls. I stopped bathing. I stopped going outside. Chinese delivery boxes littered the floor. I worked, and worked, and worked in front of that evil picture of my, yes MY building and every node within. Why the obsession you say? Because I had an evil plan. Having rootored every machine in the building and installed a rootkit on each, I would now steal their megahootz. How? I created client software to use each machine, be it Windows, Linux or OS X, as a great distributed cluster for my evil purposes. I hacked my MACH kernel to farm out computations to these computers which had more mehahootz than I. As the limiting factor in this cluster was the bandwidth of my connetion, I setup a new compression method of my own device on each link, and soon I was leaching 10% of the megahootz of each computer in the building. Even the notebooks would slow down some when they connected via wireless. My 800mhz iBook was performing as though it were a MacBook Pro, and all was well. I could watch movies in VLC, simultaneously view pron in Quicktime, while compiling programs for other evil schemes and whoring OT: all at once. It was done. But it was not enough. Its never enough. I began to raise the percentage of megahootz I stole. 20%. Then 30%. At the end of three months, I was stealing 90% of the megahootz of every computer in the building. I even rootored their cisco switch, and stole 50% of the megahootz of that... even though it was slower than my iBook. I couldn't control myself! I was out of control! I broke into the data closet and installed a gigabit connection between myself and the other switches, even upgrading theirs with gigabit ports. I began thinking about replacing all the switches with gigabit, and making mine 10 gigabit. I put ads up around the lobby for new and faster machines hoping that the megahootz taxed would upgrade, as their computers got slower and slower. I WAS INSANE! And thats when they came... the men in the White Van. I saw it below. They had come to take their megahootz back. I left that apartment that day, iBook in hand and ran down fifteen flights of stairs, got in my car, ran down the security gate that would not open (I was stealing too much megahootz from the computer that controlled it), and never looked back. I've been on the run ever since, for I took those megahootz which were not mine and some day, some place, some time... I'll have to pay for that. But not today.