LOVE i hate women v. what should i do

victimizati0n

Active Member
Jun 16, 2005
46,911
alright, there is a girl, who.. to say the least is (or was) in love with me

she tried to just jump in a relationship really early into meeting her, and i was confused, and thought that i was just being used as a rebound guy

well, i found out later, that thats not the case (rebound) but i told her i need more time before i would like a relationship since i just freaking met her and have only seen her ~5 times in my life

i was talking to a friend of mine (that is a girl) and she told me what i was doing was wrong (she says i was leading her on) and it really got to me.

anywho, i saw this girl lastnight and she tried to kiss me, and i basically pushed her away.. dont get me wrong, i do like this girl a lot, but my heart is currently somewhere else, and i cant do that to someone, i just need more time to get over someone else before i make a commitment with her

after that happened last night, her friend texted me, and said she was all sad and shit. She does not know that i like someone else, she only knows that i need more time.

she texted me last night, and i asked her what was wrong, and she basically told me that she *kinda* gives up on me, i replied back with "i still need more time, my life is very stressful at the moment" (which it is BTW).. and she then replied back saying the same thing "well i kinda give up on you so it doesnt matter"

what should i do in this situation.. i know that she isnt going to be over me in a day, i know the feelings are still there, i really would like to talk to her, and tell her everything, but im afraid she is going to accuse me of using her.. now, i may have used her, but it was at a point where i didnt know what i wanted, i wanted to find another girl, but at the same time i was in love with a girl who had put me in the friendzone (her attitude TOTALLY did a 180 on me lately, which is why im just confused)

like, im not the type of guy that is going to just lead this chick on, then totally break her heart by her finding out that i still like someone else.. but i dont know exactly what to say to her, i did what i thought was the right thing by pushing her away

halp me ot.. and sorry if this is all confusing, i havent really thought this post out, and i can provide any clarification

:hs:
 

MattThom01

Active Member
Jan 2, 2006
8,507
So let me get this straight. She likes you, but you are more interested in someone else (and I assume pursuing her).

You weren't clear about this with her, so in a way, you led her on.

Why would you talk to this girl? You've put her through enough, continue no contact with her.

And why does the title place blame on women? Most of this situation was under your control.
 

k1ko

Active Member
Sep 22, 2002
6,647
ATX
i know..you are trying too hard to make your life into a soap opera. Why are you making things so complicated?
 
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victimizati0n

victimizati0n

Active Member
Jun 16, 2005
46,911
So let me get this straight. She likes you, but you are more interested in someone else (and I assume pursuing her).

You weren't clear about this with her, so in a way, you led her on.

Why would you talk to this girl? You've put her through enough, continue no contact with her.

And why does the title place blame on women? Most of this situation was under your control.

im not really pursuing her, i just have feelings for her, and dont think it is right to start dating another girl when i dont 100% like her.. if you know what i mean.. like i truely do like her, but i do not think it is fair to do that to her

no, i wasnt clear with her, but i did tell her i needed more time, and she continued to do what she was doing, this wasnt the first time this happened, but it is the first time she basically said "im over you"

she is one of my good friends room mates, it will almost be impossible for me not to see her again

personally, i dont feel like i lead her on, she was always all over me, and i defiantly her her know i wasnt into it/ready for that at the moment

and this whole situation does NOT just deal with me liking someone else, thats only a part of it
 
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victimizati0n

victimizati0n

Active Member
Jun 16, 2005
46,911
i know..you are trying too hard to make your life into a soap opera. Why are you making things so complicated?

well i guess the reason for this thread is i didnt know if i should talk to her, and tell her everything, or just forget about it.. or what

i have never been in a situation where someone liked me as much as she did, i just want things to be like we are cool with each other, so there will be no drama, nothing dramatic has happened... yet
 

MattThom01

Active Member
Jan 2, 2006
8,507
If you're not that interested in the girl, there's no point in telling her all the reasons why. It won't change anything, and it will just make her feel worse...or she'll try to change those things to match what she thinks you want.

Simply tell her "I don't see a relationship working out", then move on.

And whenever someone has unrequited feelings, there will always be drama. You're not going to be able to go back to the way things were, at least not for awhile.
 
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victimizati0n

victimizati0n

Active Member
Jun 16, 2005
46,911
If you're not that interested in the girl, there's no point in telling her all the reasons why. It won't change anything, and it will just make her feel worse...or she'll try to change those things to match what she thinks you want.

Simply tell her "I don't see a relationship working out", then move on.

And whenever someone has unrequited feelings, there will always be drama. You're not going to be able to go back to the way things were, at least not for awhile.

i completly understand, but the thing is, is that i DO like her, i would go out with her, but i also like someone else (hey, its possible to like two people at the same time, right)

the other girl i like, i have known for a while, so its a bit harder for me to just get over her over night.. thats why i told her that i needed more time

it wouldnt end well if i just went out with her right now.. which i very well could do, and still like someone else.. that will just hurt her even more, make her hate me, and also have her turn my friends against me.. and its not fair to do that to someone

just think about how you would feel if your SO told you she likes you a lot, but is in love with someone else, after you are already going out.. im betting it wouldnt be pretty
 

Reign

No
Nov 17, 2003
35,747
CO
So tell her you like her but you're not ready to commit to a full blown relationship with her yet because you don't know her well enough. Say that you guys just need to hang out more and do more things together and let your feelings grow naturally rather than force them through going immediately into relationship status.

This will please you, probably please her (and if it doesn't, curb her), and will also allow you to still see other people until you make your choice.
 

epracmetcon

Active Member
Aug 22, 2003
1,197
Illinois
I was in a simaler situation the beginning of the summer. I wanted a relationship with a girl that didnt want one with me and had a girl that really liked me but wasn't as interested in her as I was with girl #1.

I started casually dating girl #2 and now I couldn't be happier, it helped me forget about girl #1.
 
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victimizati0n

victimizati0n

Active Member
Jun 16, 2005
46,911
I was in a simaler situation the beginning of the summer. I wanted a relationship with a girl that didnt want one with me and had a girl that really liked me but wasn't as interested in her as I was with girl #1.

I started casually dating girl #2 and now I couldn't be happier, it helped me forget about girl #1.

yeah, it looks like that is whats going to happen in my situation

So tell her you like her but you're not ready to commit to a full blown relationship with her yet because you don't know her well enough. Say that you guys just need to hang out more and do more things together and let your feelings grow naturally rather than force them through going immediately into relationship status.

This will please you, probably please her (and if it doesn't, curb her), and will also allow you to still see other people until you make your choice.

thats the thing, thats exactly what i told her, but she basically didnt listen, and is now sad/hurt that i wasnt going fast enough for her liking
 

bjonesy77

New Member
Oct 2, 2006
11,428
Cincinnati
Man, you're making this so much harder than it should be. You "love' girl 1, but "like" girl 2, alright thats fine. Girl 1 doesnt want anything with you, so move the fuck on from her and give this new girl a shot. Just because you're "heart" is with someone else doesnt mean you cant hang out with girl 2 and get to know her. Hell, you may hang out with her a few times and realize shes FAR better than girl 1 and forget all about girl 1. You also are allowed to date more than 1 person at a time. Its completely legit to casually date 2+ people at a time, as long as you're not creating any false expectations.

If I were you, I'd move on from girl 1. You may "love" her and think shes the best thing that could happen to you, but the truth is, she probably isnt. Give girl 2 a shot, let her kiss you, let her hug you and hold your hand. Maybe even try the same things for yourself and see how it feels, maybe you'll find that you don't even think about girl 1 when you're with girl 2 *gasp*
 

iwishyouwerebeer

you shut your cunt
Sep 1, 2006
31,942
:uh: ugh

1. She's not and has never been "in love" with you. If anything she's young, immature and infatuated with you. A little psycho perhaps....
2. The fact of the matter is whether you like her a little, a lot, or not at all you aren't ready for a relationship. She wants a relationship. Even when she tells you "I've given up on you" she's only doing it for attention and hoping you'll say "OK, I LOVE YOU, LET'S DATE!" :hsugh:
3. If you even attempt right now to have a relationship with her your heart and interest are not totally in it you should not date her, at least not yet because it's fair for no one.
4. Stop acting like you are the love of her life. If you cut off all communication with her right now she's not going to die or stand outside your window with a boombox; she's going to whine and hope you pay attention to her and then eventually move on.
5. You need to stop calling her. You can't have her right now and get over someone and deal with your "busy" life at once. End it. Stop talking to her for a little bit. Figure your shit out. Make sure you didn't knock up that one chick. If in a few months you feel better about the situation then see if she wants to go on a date :dunno:
 

Viper

Livin' la vida scrotum
Sep 22, 2004
76,574
In a van down by the river
Ok, first of all, let's get one issue straight and that is with the friendzone situation.

Her attitude is "changing" lately cause it's likely that her "first choice" is bailing on her so it's POSSIBLE that this girl is just falling back on something safe and/or wanting your attention more. In my experience, you don't escape the friendzone until you cut contact for a period of NO LESS than 6 months and then re-emerge into her life with a completely different mindset and attitude, become more aggressive, and make her realize that you want a sexual relationship with her and not just a platonic one.

So, step one is to cut contact with the friendzone girl, because, despite what your wishful thinking mind is telling you, she has no or low interest in you at best. (this also fits into the title of your thread: You hate women because you are not assertive enough to avoid the friendzone. I have had the same problem in the past. So in essence, removing this girl from your field of contact is akin to pulling the splinter out of your hand...yeah it hurts, but it is never going to heal until you do)

That being said...let's move onto the girl who has *kinda* given up on you. That's a load of bullshit designed to make you think you are losing her. The *kinda* thing really exposes that for what it is. It's a way for her to save face by making it look like she's pulling away from you, but to still let you know that she's interested in you. And it HAS increased your attraction levels because now you are questioning yourself.

The issue here, though, isn't whether or not she likes you. The issue here is whether or not YOU like HER (and honestly, this should ALWAYS be your focus anyway, but moreson in this case).

Judging by the language of your post, I'm going to say that you aren't interested in this girl either. So that leaves you two options:

1. Be upfront to her that you are absolutely not looking for anything serious in any way with her right now. Don't dick around the bush about it, don't be "nice". Be upfront, brash, and honest. If she can accept that, THEN you have full reason to continue this on a non-serious level (i.e. FWB or just casual dating/sex). I doubt, however, that this will ever be the case, because she has feeling for you, so I am suggesting the second option:

2. Let her go. For her sake, let her go. Don't use her to satisfy your own need for attention/sex. If she's got feeling for you and you (obviously) don't reciprocate those feelings then you need to be honest with her and cut her out of your life.

Your direction should be more towards finding OTHER girls, because neither of these girls are a good fit for you.
 
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victimizati0n

victimizati0n

Active Member
Jun 16, 2005
46,911
i guess.. and the friendzone girl.. i didnt talk to her for 2 months, and i was basically completely changed when i talked to her after that time period.. including finding another girl

she would never hang out with me alone.. or ask me to do stuff with her, but now she is constantly doing both of those things.

its not that i just found another girl and now she is all attention hungry ;)
 

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