This may be a long read, sorry in advance. I joined the military back in August of 2005, and am still currently active. I have been on two deployments, one to Guam for 6+ months and one to Kuwait for ~7 months. I contacted my mother maybe once on both deployments. When I am home I play video games or chill with my girlfriend, I don't go out drinking with friends because I feel like it is self-destructive and meaningless. My parents got a divorce when I was 7 years old, and I acquired a new stepdad within a year. My dad went through a couple of different women before settling down with the current woman he is with today. I speak to my dad maybe once a year. MAYBE. I am so distant with my entire family it's disgusting. I have no idea why it is so difficult for me to call or make ANY effort to keep in touch with them. I am too lazy to email them or call them back..and they are the only people that will be there for me if things go badly. I have been out of it for the past 4 years, lodged between feelings and uncertain of what, and who I am. I don't have any idea how to re-kindle my friendship with my family, or what the hell I can say to make things better..and even if I could, would I be able to maintain that relationship? I have said, promised, etc that I would keep in touch, and I never do. I don't call for birthdays, even though I know that it is the day.. I don't randomly email them telling them I love you. I don't do shit. No presents or anything. And the funny thing is, I ALWAYS THINK ABOUT THEM. I miss them to death and wish I could be with them for every holiday, every family get together, etc.. I am a fucking wreck come the holidays, and no one knows about it. I treat people like shit and don't give a fuck about anyone but myself. What the fuck can I do? What can I say? Should I go and see a therapist? This is the first time I have said anything about this in 4+ years.. I am really lost here. Any help would be greatly appreciated and welcomed. Cliffs: I burned bridges and need help re-constructing them. This is Cobra Commander's ark, and I have no jesus to help me, and the flood is coming faster and faster.