SRS I have never been this scared.

BenFer

I've seen bigger
OT Supporter
Oct 20, 2001
26,529
AZ by way of RI
I apologize in advance for the lack of organized thoughts,

I lost my dad very unexpectedly in December 08. He was remarried and it caused a lot of turmoil over his estate. There was also talk of medical malpractice and legal action against his doctors. After a long wait on life insurance due to the circumstances of his young and abrupt death, I got an inheritance and got as far away from Rhode Island as I could.

This move was the single best decision I had made in my life. I used to be extremely agoraphobic, very antisocial and stuck in a very self loathing rut. After moving from the smallest state to the 5th biggest city in the country and literally knowing 2 people. It forced me to confront myself and deal with those issues. I am proud to say I have developed a great group of friends. I have a decent social life and all is well. I still have some social anxiety but it is pretty well under control with medication.

As luck or fate or whatever you want to call it would have it, I am slowely starting to lose my mom to Lou Gerhigs disease (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis)
I visited with her and my sisters for a week in early July. The disease has progressed far faster than anyone has anticipated.

This lead to the decision of moving back east to be close to my mom. I don't believe she will make it more than a year, which is on par with the statistics of the disease. It's a shitty situation for sure, and I need to be near her.

So with all of that said, I currently sit alone in my apartment. I don't know how I am going to move cross country with 2 cats. I don't know where I am going to live when I get there. I don't know where I am going to work. I don't know how I am going to deal with losing my dad, my grandmother and my mom in the span of 3 years.

Sorry for the rant everyone, i just need to vent.
 

frozensparrow

New Member
Feb 22, 2011
4,355
Go to your mom now. My mom had the same thing and went faster than expected. Once they start having trouble swallowing/talking it's game over. It's a horrible disease. The cats will be fine your mom won't. She needs your right now. Be brave and just do it.

Good luck finding a job in this economy :wavey:
 

FunkyMunniez

Active Member
Mar 15, 2008
17,876
Check federal laws/state laws on family illness and mandatory time off from work and see if you would qualify - they would stack if you took them concurrently. You may be able to go stay with your mom for an extended period of time without quitting and moving permanently.

If you can do that, cancel your cable, internet, land line phone, etc in your place. As many monthly bills as possible since you wouldn't be there and have someone you trust check on the place every once in awhile. Then go and live with your mom and move back when everything is over.
 

deusexaethera

OT Supporter
Jan 27, 2005
18,592
FunkyMunniez has a good plan. Don't move, just visit for an extended period of time. Shut off everything in your apartment, suspend all the utilities (but don't cancel your subscriptions), and tell your landlord your mom's sick and you're going to be living with her for a while but you'll still be leasing your current place. It sucks to think about it this way, but if your mom's illness has progressed much faster than anyone expected, she may not last long enough for you to be able to do a full-fledged move anyway. And you'll have enough space and things to do in her house that you won't have to worry about leaving most of your stuff in your apartment. Among other things, you'll be busy dealing with matters of estate while she still has the ability to think about such things.
 

deusexaethera

OT Supporter
Jan 27, 2005
18,592
Good Idea, but a bit to late. Some plans have been made in concrete.
No such thing as plans that are set in stone. A meteor could end all life on Earth tomorrow. It's unlikely, yes, but it's possible. There are many other possibilities that are much more likely which could also change your "concrete plans." You can change them yourself too, if you want.
 

Darketernal

Watch: Aria The Origination =)
Not only is it your location that makes you unhappy, I think you need to realize that its your family who makes you unhappy also. What makes you anxious is that you are attached to people you don't want to be attached to. Maybe it would be better if you should have more distance with your family as others suggested, namely that you don't go back, rather just have some short visits and then go back home to " 5th biggest city in the country " or wherever that is. Go where you are happy, don't go(especially don't settle )(there)) where you are unhappy, that would be my advise.
 

RotiEatter

New Member
Dec 29, 2004
129
No such thing as plans that are set in stone. A meteor could end all life on Earth tomorrow. It's unlikely, yes, but it's possible. There are many other possibilities that are much more likely which could also change your "concrete plans." You can change them yourself too, if you want.

Unless you are talking to someone that believes in pre-determined destiny and then you are just arguing against a stone wall. ;)
 

Falconer

Well-Known Member
Jun 23, 2006
65,535
Good Idea, but a bit to late. Some plans have been made in concrete.

I'm not sure what your plans are, but i can't think of any that would outweigh spending time with my dying mother.

Also, i think the average is a bit longer than 1 year.

From wiki:

Most people with ALS die from respiratory failure, usually within three to five years from the onset of symptoms. The median survival time from onset to death ranges from 20 to 48 months, but 10 to 20% of ALS patients have a survival longer than 10 years

Regardless, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. ALS is a terrible disease.
 

erynne936

my av is a car, but i'm a girl. stop calling me b
OT Supporter
Mar 4, 2002
3,379
Warwick, RI
Hey benfer, didn't see this thread til just now. My thoughts are with you and your family in having to go through another difficult time, so soon after the loss of your dad. Can you stay with your mom or someone else so you don't have to worry too much about job/income/living situation? I'm thinking she would love to spend as much time as possible with you and also you could manage the house or whatever else she needs? It's great to hear how well you are doing in AZ. Remind yourself often of how far you've come and how much you've changed and grown... just because you move geographically back doesn't mean you still aren't a stronger person who is much more able to deal with things. :hug:
 

deusexaethera

OT Supporter
Jan 27, 2005
18,592
Unless you are talking to someone that believes in pre-determined destiny and then you are just arguing against a stone wall. ;)
I believe in a deterministic universe, which is essentially fatalism without a "book of destiny" or any such nonsense. However, the laws of physics prevent me from knowing everything about the past, therefore I can't predict the future with 100% certainty, so the appearance of free will is preserved. If I can never be sure that actions and events are predetermined, then for all practical purposes they aren't predetermined.

For those who believe in God and find themselves wondering how an omniscient deity could coexist with a universe in which free will is possible, I offer this explanation: I can think of scenarios in which the sequence of events can happen multiple ways with the same outcome, so if God possesses the same qualities as I do, except to an infinite extent instead of limited extent, that means God can conceive of a scenario in which the sequence of events can happen an infinite number of ways with the same outcome. So while the world may be destined to end in Armageddon (or whatever), everything that happens beforehand can be a matter of choice without spoiling God's plan. This same logic can be applied to pretty much every religion.

Therefore, no matter your chosen mythology, the practical concept of free will is preserved. From a human perspective, there are no "concrete plans". QED.
 
TS
TS
BenFer

BenFer

I've seen bigger
OT Supporter
Oct 20, 2001
26,529
AZ by way of RI
I appreciate all the help guys, I don't mind uprooting myself for a short while. I just don't know how I'm going to deal with it.
 

FunkyMunniez

Active Member
Mar 15, 2008
17,876
I appreciate all the help guys, I don't mind uprooting myself for a short while. I just don't know how I'm going to deal with it.
One day at a time. You'll get through. Just make sure you have a plan to go back to what makes you happy when all is said and done.
 

Spiritus

Well-Known Member
Oct 15, 2002
19,323
You seem pretty strong.

Don't worry about where you will live. Don't obsess about it. Put in the necessary thought into the matter but do not let it become part of some psychological song about why you life is this way or that.

You have enough to worry about with those very separate issues of each relative dying. Deal with those, dedicate your energy to dealing with those feelings and processing them consciously.

Work, a place to live etc. It usually pulls itself together in these times as if it was magic. Put in the diligent thought, you should be OK. But focus on what is important here.
 

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