LOVE I have no problem, and THATS the problem

bobbarker70

New Member
Jan 3, 2005
2,917
upstate ny
I've been single for a year, virtually no prospects other than a rebound girl I met right after the last ex, and i'm very unhappy and frustrated. My last gf of 2 years fucked me and 2 other dudes the last week we broke up, yada yada, I went through a lot but i'm over it now. I just want to move on. I don't even want her anymore, she lives in another state and is over me, and yet I can't seem to just start dating again.

I work 2 jobs, work out everyday, read regularly, and i'm looking to go back to school in the spring to finish my degree. I'm no model, but i'm by no means ugly. Yes, I do have faults. I'm 22 and don't have a car or an abundance of money, but I have a place to live and food to eat and I take care of my shit. Both my jobs are nearby and I make do. I'm no square either, I love to party, have some drinks, toke from time to time with my friends, goto parties. I meet women all the time, just no girl I meet seems to click with me. What can I do about this?
 

Horror

What can you do? Nothing, there's no logical reason for it. Only suggestions..

1) Keep putting yourself out there.
2) Try going after a girl who you normally wouldn't - you'll click quick, trust me. I would have never went after my ex, and I fell in LOVE with her.
 

bjonesy77

New Member
Oct 2, 2006
11,428
Cincinnati
It seems to me that you're not over your ex-girlfriend. If this had nothing to do with her, you wouldn't have bothered to write about it. You seem like you're doing alright for yourself, I just don't think you realize what you have to offer. You should check into some of Vipers posts for insight, Falconer also. They have really good advice on "getting out there" and gaining confidence, they've both helped me along and still do.
 

giz

Active Member
Nov 25, 2004
15,523
salt lake
I just went through the exact same thing man. Two solid years of nothing but lonely nights mixed with the occasional empty hookup. Just keep your head up and know that as long as you keep living a life that involves meeting people and having a good time, somebody will come by that catches your attention
 

Vysion

New Member
Aug 30, 2003
4,694
Twin Cities, MN
I don't think he came across that way at all :confused:

He said he's no model, but he's not ugly [don't take that as boasting, that's realistic]. Also said that he has no abundance of money, but has his shit together.

:dunno:

I didn't mean him exactly, but it's typical for guys to say "I'm good looking, I have a career, I have my head on straight and my shit together, blah, blah, blah etc... Why don't girls like me..."

I was merely making the point that just because a guy is good looking and successful, doesn't mean that he'll get women into bed/relationship with him.
 

Math-E

Well-Known Member
Oct 11, 2002
62,190
Lakeview
It's difficult to find prospects once you reach a certain level of pickyness. But it's good to have options to keep yourself sane. Are you asking any of these girls out? Try to be a bit more bold and in the moment at parties. :dunno:
 

LBFilmGuy

LOL why u mad tho?
Jan 15, 2005
56,686
Southern California
No, there is a problem. That problem is you're just not over your ex yet.

Once you are you will stop thinking about her and be able to date other girls.
 

Horror

It's difficult to find prospects once you reach a certain level of pickyness. But it's good to have options to keep yourself sane. Are you asking any of these girls out? Try to be a bit more bold and in the moment at parties. :dunno:

Explain please?
 

LBFilmGuy

LOL why u mad tho?
Jan 15, 2005
56,686
Southern California
For now you need to focus on making YOURSELF happy. You need to be happy ALONE before you can be happy with anyone else.

Keep working, making $, get a car, keep spending time with friends and family and enjoying life.

Are you not in school?

Girls should be the last thing getting you down.
 

Viper

Livin' la vida scrotum
Sep 22, 2004
76,571
In a van down by the river
You said it yourself, you have no problem.

The trouble with that? It's boring with a capital "B". I don't know if you've ever read the book of pook, but whether you have or not, go here:

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/Downloads/The Book of Pook.pdf

You should probably read the whole thing, but if you don't, look in the index and find the post labeled "Perfect is boring" and read it. I think it applies here pretty well.

And I think the trouble here is that you're not challenging:

1. Yourself
2. The women you meet

The number one requirement for holding a woman's interest is a challenge (read: not games, but "sparks" or whatever you want to call them that break her out of her ordinary, boring, blah life and make it interesting). Her life is likely black and white, so add a little color to it. Add a little color to yourself. Break out of your comfort zone and continue to challenge yourself to do NEW things. Find something you can be passionate about and go after it with all you got. Shake things up. Go to new places and meet new people.

Upset the normal in your life, and everything changes on you. I've seen it happen with my own eyes in my own life. I get into a rut and I cycle into Mr. Perfect status. I spiral down a hole and start feeling for myself. Then, I make a decision to break out and change it up, and EVERY time I've done that, I've met not only with good results, but life altering results.
 

Horror

Viper, I'm curious by what you mean to go out of the normal. If you're not into religious girls, ask them? To me, I don't care about what they're interested in. I won't get bored of someone as long as they have a sense of humor, want to try new things, have a good personality, and finally have some physical attraction to them. The rest doesn't matter, to me.
 

Viper

Livin' la vida scrotum
Sep 22, 2004
76,571
In a van down by the river
Viper, I'm curious by what you mean to go out of the normal. If you're not into religious girls, ask them? To me, I don't care about what they're interested in. I won't get bored of someone as long as they have a sense of humor, want to try new things, have a good personality, and finally have some physical attraction to them. The rest doesn't matter, to me.

I'm not necessarily talking about girls here. I think my point is that if you are tired of the girls you are consistently meeting, then it's time to start changing the social situations with which you are meeting girls. If that makes sense.

This one isn't a girl meeting example, but last year I joined a softball team (I hadn't played baseball since I was 13 up until last year). When I did that, the activity and social interactions not only inspired me to pick myself off of rock bottom and get serious about changing my life, but it also inspired me to take care of the mountain of things I needed to do to get my divorce moving and final. It also gave me confidence again, confidence with which aided me to get into my first relationship out of my divorce, which inspired me to go back to school, which led me to meeting a few girls, making a few approaches on campus, and beyond that led to a milestone experience in my life through a trip to Seattle. In turn, the ENDING of THAT relationship sent me downwards again, but in that down time I learned more about myself through reading fiction, and then eventually in my reading I discovered Dave Ramsey, through which totally changed the way I viewed finances, inspired me to get off my ass, and get my finances in order.

When I reached another low point, I took another break from OT. During that break, I joined a writer's group (way out of my element there), but that writer's group gave me inspiration to get more involved with my writing, which led me to a writing website which totally changed my life, which led to me meeting my writing goals, finishing a novel (for the first time since I was in 7th grade--and that one doesn't really count :rofl:), and inspired me to pursue a career in writing (which I am still working towards). The confidence I gained from THAT led to me going on my first real date since I met my wife 8 years ago (the earlier relationship I mentioned was an online relationship btw).

I'll stop there, because I think you see my point.

My point is that when you rattle yourself, challenge yourself, and break out of your element, it starts a chain reaction and sends you veering in a new direction, builds your confidence, and allows you to meet goals and acheive goals you never thought you could acheive.
 

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