LOVE I just don't feel it anymore.

[BradUF]

Every girl I have met I just don't seem to feel it with, well besides one but she had a boyfriend. I want to use logic in picking a girl but it does not seem to work because I met this one girl that is really cool and I think we would get along great but I don't really feel it at all. I wanna give her a chance but Im afaird I would end up dating her and wanting to dump her after like a month. Maybe I shouldn't have these feelings of a girl being awesome when I first meet them. Maybe it should be more of a neutual feeling.
Back in high school I always used to run into girls where I was just like wow, I would to get with her and now it only happens once in a while and just about everytime the girl has a boyfriend.

I am really afaird I have just raised my standards too high. I am really afaird I hit this point which sucks because I can't lower standards to adjust..

Topping out the Ladder:

Have you ever seen a guy that was not particularly attractive, rich or muscled yet was with a lovely woman? For most guys the most common reaction is envy, something like "Hey I'm not all that muscled, attractive or rich either. Why can't I be fucking a girl like that?" We at intellectual whores used to feel this way about "stump factor" as well. But then ladder theory was discovered and we realized that it was more rational to pity this man.
Ladder theory tells us that the purpose of life is to move up the ladder. When their relationship ends, he will probably never be able to get another woman as good as the one he is with right now -- the rest of his life he'll likely be striving in vain. In effect, he's doomed the whole rest of his life to meaninglessness unless he marries this girl. This of course is just trading one type of doom for another.

 

[quamen]

maybe it is the places where your meeting these girls. I think back in high school or whatever everyone was just hoping to get some ass from most girls and not interseted as much as in a LTR or really getting to know the person. I just think you havent met enough girls or whatever. SO many out there, that their will be plenty that meet your standards. As for the quote i kinda dont agree with it, if im reading it right. Rich and Attactive looking equals getting the girls. Once the guy who isnt attractive and not rich has a beatuiful girl ,but once he loses that girl he will never get one as pretty? I disagree because i have seen plenty of my friends get girls who are very good looking and their not rich or muscler.

Out of the group of my most friends, (im not braggin just making a point) i make the most money because of my jobs and in better shape than any of them. Guess what, i get the least amount of girls. This has to do with issues within myself and trying to get more confidnence or what not. They just dont seem to give a shit and never get embarrassed, and they can pull woman much easier then me. My one buddy has a damn cute gf, and this guy doesnt even work!!

 

[iwishyouwerebeer]

Well first of all, from everything I've read from you and you've told me I don't even think you should try to get in a relationship right now; you just are still not totally over your ex, why it ended, and you put yourself down way too much. All the things are stunting you from having a nice, normal relationship (which is why you are already worrying about wantng to dump a girl after a month).

Which bring me to my other point though. What is so wrong with dumping a girl after a month? What is so wrong with just dating a girl? No long term relationships should even be in your mind right now. You are fucking 21 years old in a huge college town. Just go on some dates and get to know the girls, only then after you've gotten through the bullshit will you realize if you truly like them and decide if you'd like them to be your "girlfriend"

 

[antihero]

blah blah.. never get anyone better.. blah blah

that was surprisingly depressing for complete bullshit

 

[BradUF]

Work on yourself. Its worked wonders for me.

Oh, I am on everything I can think of. I am taking more classes to finish school faster, I am going to start taking Adderal so I will be an A student once again. I will be at the UF in 1 year as a juinor. I have also changed my major to something harder and I will make twice as much money with it. I am trying to lose weight but I am having problems and I have talked to my doctor about this. He says my Fructose level's might be messed up hence the reason I am not losing weight eating 1700 cals a day. This diet though is just about impossible because even bread has fructose in it.

You are fucking 21 years old in a huge college town

You're right and the truth of the matter is I don't want another LTR. It was a complete drag and I don't want to take care of another girl at all but it seems to me my only option is LTR or no girl because I can't really pull of the whole dating thing that well. I just don't have a group of girls who are just friends to hang out with and meet other girls with and what not anymore. Infact, I don't even have one girl that I am friends with. Also, I look back at my pass and I see I had a girl friend through middle school, then I had one my Sr year of high school up until the start of college. So I have had basicly two girls my entire life. Unlike one of my really good friends who had a new girl friend every month since middle school. Not only do I not have a group of girls to call up anymore, I don't have a group of friends. I only have about four people I talk to anymore. I guess it is not that bad thought because I notice people usually roll in groups of 3 or 4 but the thing is people who are really social have like 10 groups of 4 where on any given night they always have someone to call up. There was a point in my life where people were calling me up to do stuff but I always always to busy doing something with another group. You had to make plans with me like a week ahead to be able to do something with me.
I have never built my own social life ever, I just used to be the kid who knew the really cool kid at school so everything would work itself out and now that kid is out of high school he is no longer cool enough to attract hordes of kids but we both used to smoke pot which gave up something in common with other kids. So yes I have a ton of things to fix before I worry about a girl but it seems just about impossible.

 

[iwishyouwerebeer]

You're right and the truth of the matter is I don't want another LTR. It was a complete drag and I don't want to take care of another girl at all but it seems to me my only option is LTR or no girl because I can't really pull of the whole dating thing that well. I just don't have a group of girls who are just friends to hang out with and meet other girls with and what not anymore. Infact, I don't even have one girl that I am friends with.

Well there you go, you don't know how to pull off dating because you've probably never even really tried! You most likely go into it (talking to a girl) very hardcore-thinking right off the bat in your head when you meet her "am I going to want to still be dating her in a few months?" when in reality you should be meeting a girl, talking to her, seeing if she wants to go on a date, taking each date one at a time with no serious ties, so that if you don't like her after a week, 2 weeks, etc. you can just leave it at that!

And you don't need girl friends to meet new girls. I know you said you only have 3 or 4 friends and thats fine. You can still go to bars, clubs, the gym, class, all sorts of places in Gainesville and ask a girl for her number by yourself. Making your own experiences is the ony way you're going to learn and grow in life.

 

[PocoDiablo]

Hi EliteLamer.

How are you?

You know what? I hate your username. It, to me, is passive aggressive and signals both hatred and anger ("Elite") and at the same time a sense of powerlessness and helplessness ("Lamer"). Maybe I am wrong, maybe there is a deeper or more significant meaning to your username, but I'm a little shallow and just go off of what I see.

So, I am going to call you ... well, let's see .. "E" and "L" ... I am going to call you Elliot. Elliot, my name is James. I would hope at some point you can see your way to changing your username, although that may just not be possible. At the very least, let's break down a barrier of communication and be more "real" to each other in some small way.

I promise I will not e-stalk you or hit on you.

I will give you my point of view. I'm "on" tonight, so with any luck my opinion about what you have typed will also be "on", as in "on target" and will serve a purpose.

Enough blather.

Every girl I have met I just don't seem to feel it with

Good. You have standards and understand that chemistry and a connection is a good thing. This is important. 99.9% of women I meet I have felt this way about, even the ones who hit on me and I flirt with.

well besides one but she had a boyfriend.

And bravo for you to understanding that her affections were that of a woman who uses men. Right?

I want to use logic in picking a girl but it does not seem to work because I met this one girl that is really cool and I think we would get along great but I don't really feel it at all.

Logic is great for dealing with mathematics, physics, your checkbook, but not women. Logic is your enemy when it comes to women, BY AND LARGE, on a surface level.

I wanna give her a chance but Im afaird I would end up dating her and wanting to dump her after like a month.

You're afraid all right. But you're afraid of something else.

Big admission: I realized that I have been afraid of women when things get really good. I literally freak out. Why? Well, long story short, when I was 21 my mom died, and only 2-3 weeks prior to her death she told me "You're old enough now to know how the world really works." A simple example of what changed: She never exceeded the speed limit when I drove with her, slowed down at intersections where the side traffic had stop signs, and was basically one of those people you hated. After I turned 21 she admitted to me she never drove like that with me in the car. In fact, she typically drove 45 MPH in 25 zoned, ran 4-way stops that she knew, and did 80+ on the freeway. I cannot even begin to explain other things she was telling me.

And then she died.

So I've had a huge internal struggle with becoming close to women because I literally have a physical reaction and am afraid of losing them.

What's your reason. Do you really know what it is?

Maybe I shouldn't have these feelings of a girl being awesome when I first meet them. Maybe it should be more of a neutual feeling.

Sure, if you are a belt sander and she's an Volkswagen. I mean ... what the hell kind of statement is that? You should NOT be alive and NOT be human? Yeah, I had a stage where I thought being stoic (void of emotion) was good. Yeah .... not so much.

Be alive. Be human. Be a REAL person. It's okay, really!

Back in high school I always used to run into girls where I was just like wow, I would to get with her and now it only happens once in a while and just about everytime the girl has a boyfriend.

Yeah, have you ever looked back at your yearbook? I did recently. All these so-called hot girls are ... not. I was a little blind. But yes, hot women are hard to find because ... well, if everyone was hot then we'd all be average, right?

You know, the most amazing woman I met is not a supermodel. However, she is CRAZY sexy, CRAZY smart, and CRAZY perfect for me. In ways that I cannot possibly explain to you. It only took me 34 years of being alive until I met her.

I am really afaird I have just raised my standards too high. I am really afaird I hit this point which sucks because I can't lower standards to adjust..

Afraid. Again, that word. Afraid.

No, you're afraid of something else, and it's not of these BS excuses I read here. It's something else.

Believe me, there is a woman out there that IF you take the time to get to know her, WILL blow you out of the water in a good way. But it takes YEARS to get to know someone. You only need to lower your standards in terms of "I don't know everything about her so how can I make an informed decision right now?" Yeah, if you walk in and she is fucking some random guy on your bed, you're done. But if you walk in and she is pushing you about something important (finances, job, personal improvement) maybe, just MAYBE, she is working with you to grow up and be a great couple.

You're right and the truth of the matter is I don't want another LTR. It was a complete drag and I don't want to take care of another girl at all but it seems to me my only option is LTR or no girl because I can't really pull of the whole dating thing that well.

Hey, um ... I think this is the problem here. You just said you cannot pull of the dating thing ... you cannot pull off RELATIONSHIPS with women. So how is QUITTING going to make you BETTER at it?

Are you telling me that since you tried to learn how to ride a bike, and you fell of 5 times and skinned your knee and scraped your palms that STOPPING will make you BETTER? You know better. You really HAVE to get up and FAIL and be happy about it! Unless you do it wrong and LEARN from your mistakes you will ultimately fail long term.

What happens when you meet the right woman and don't know how to keep her since you have not been dating and fucking shit up? You're going to fuck up with her? Whoa, bad move!

Don't date because you think you have to, but don't avoid it either. That's all.

I just don't have a group of girls who are just friends to hang out with and meet other girls with and what not anymore.

So? I don't have ANY female friends, I sure as shit don't hang out with any women (like they want to work on my car!), and I don't meet women just because I am with women! I go to lunch and meet women at restaurants, parking lots, bars, book stores, clothe stores, etc. I meet women ALONE. No mental crutch needed.

Infact, I don't even have one girl that I am friends with.

Good, at least you have one thing in common with me. You are on the right track.

Also, I look back at my pass and I see I had a girl friend through middle school, then I had one my Sr year of high school up until the start of college. So I have had basicly two girls my entire life.

Oh, okay, just like me. Yeah, I think you're doing great.

Unlike one of my really good friends who had a new girl friend every month since middle school.

Oh, like my friend Jeremy? Jeremy who confided in me that he was jealous of ME because he couldn't KEEP a woman for more than a month? Like Jeremy who couldn't keep a woman interested for a long time? Like Jeremy who is now fat, bald, and single? Yeah, he's just the guy I look up to. NOT.

Not only do I not have a group of girls to call up anymore, I don't have a group of friends. I only have about four people I talk to anymore.

Hm. Only one person makes the grade for me - Paul. Known him for ten years. And your point is .... ???

I guess it is not that bad thought because I notice people usually roll in groups of 3 or 4 but the thing is people who are really social have like 10 groups of 4 where on any given night they always have someone to call up.

And that's good ... why? Look, you are confusing quantity with quality. I'd rather be single than with a bunch of shallow people. Wouldn't you?

I have a ton of things to fix before I worry about a girl but it seems just about impossible.

About the only thing I see you needing to fix is how you truly FEEL about your situation. On any given night, I'm home alone. On Fridays, I call one of my two good friends, and we go drinking. We have a good time. That's it. We watch guys play game on girls, and laugh. Sometimes I out-game the other guys if it's clear the women are tired of it and need to be "saved". But all in all...

Just relax.

You will meet the right woman when you are truly READY for her. There's nothing wrong with you all in all, other than understanding that more people go through what you are going through than you know. You're one of millions of people, and answers are out there - if you ask the right questions.