A lot of me just hates my life right now, a lot. I was supposed to move down to San Diego back in January, and I had to stay up here to finish off junior college before moving down there. As a result, my best friend is probably my ex-girlfriend. I go out with friends from work pretty much every weekend, but that's about it. It's always the same stuff, same people. With my ex, we barely hang out, but we talk a lot. She knows everything going on with me, but she's never there for anything, and it bugs me I guess. And with the ex, it's weird. We broke up in September, didn't talk for a few weeks, started talking again, started dating in November, things went to shit, started dating again in late December, and things went to shit again about three weeks ago. Since then, we've had our ups and downs. She wants to be friends for now and see what happens, I'd rather try and get us good and go from there with us. We went out to dinner last night. I think a lot of things she said could have been taken as nothing, but I turned them around into her pretty much saying she doesn't want anything as far as a relationship with me again. We were supposed to hang out afterwards, but it was going to be drinking by her house. I told her if I drank out there, I couldn't drive home and she said "Well, I guess you could just sleep on the couch." It bugged me, I don't know why, but it got to me. Today we were talking and somehow sex came up (I honestly don't remember the context, I think it was something about lesbian, then threesome with me and her and another girl, then us) and she said "not for a while, if ever." Then told me not to read into the "not ever" though. I don't know why I'm still crying. I hate it. I hate my life right now. I want to be able to get away from it all, but I can't really do anything about it right now. I called my friend, a girl, whom I've known for going on three years now. She immediately asked me what was wrong, and I said nothing. I wanted to talk with her about it, but I couldn't, I felt embarassed. The only person I feel comfortable talking about things when I'm crying with is my ex and my two best friendds, who are both 8+ hours away and partying. I don't know what to do anymore. I just hate this. I've been crying for nearly an hour now and I have no reason why.