I bought us a pair of lobsters on Saturday. I love lobsters (and so should you, unless you're a vagitarian). As you know, usually you drop them alive into steam or boiling water. They undergo a lot of pain in the process, so Emily suggested that we look up a more humane method on the interwebz. The humane execution of a lobster involves piercing its brain rapidly and then rotating the knife downwards, slicing it in half. It's about as quick as you can hope for and prevents a great deal of suffering. Being a great person , I decided to take the ethically superior route and kill it prior to cooking. I then performed what was probably the most concentred act of evil in my entire life ... I don't think I've ever caused so much suffering to a living being in so short a period of time... I stabbed the lobster's shell all wrong, just pinning it to the cutting board without killing it. The lobster suffered SO MUCH pain as a result that its tail convulsed back and forth spastically for the next 40 seconds... not in the automatic twitchy way lobsters do when they are already dead, but in the "OMG! AHHHH!! GET THIS KNIFE OUT OF MY EXOSKELETON!!!" way that they do when being brutally tortured to death. Emily said "Oh my god," and sat on the couch, "I think I'm going to cry." I was like "Ummm ," myself just standing there with this crustacean freaking out at the end of my butcher knife... while Emily sobbed for about 20 minutes, ~5 of them in the fetal position.