I used to have really good friends in middle school and early high school. We always had so much fun doing cool things and I felt accepted. Around early/middle high school I had this social anxiety issue which caused me to withdrawl from everyone. I was really intimidated by all the new people and I just chose not to talk to anyone. Well I gradually began losing my friends. I've been unhappy and lonely ever since then. I am 20 years old now and I still wonder about where they are and what kind of things they do/if they keep in contact with each other/if they have all moved on and have new friends/etc... I KNOW that it is time to move on but I still have dreams about hanging out with them again and everything. Like the other night I had a dream that I went over to one of their houses because I forgot something there a few years ago and he gave me what was mine but then he just looked at me like I a stranger to him at this point. Sometimes I think I am just going to get a call from one of them out of the blue and we will hang out but the call will never come. It's just so hard to make new friends and I don't have the same chemistry with the new people that I meet as I had with my old friends. I feel fucking abandoned or something. It's just not fair that I got fucked with this blushing/social anxiety problem. That is the reason I am so socially retarded. I hate the 3 guys I hang out with today. One of them is an ex convict, the other is a selfish prick, and the other is a spoiled manipulative rich kid with a behavioral problem....they are such assholes and I never have fun with them. I just miss the old days.