We still talk, and are very close friends, but she said that I shouldn't think we ARE getting back together later on, but we MAY...we MAY NOT, as well, but I don't want to even think of that. Over the past couple months, I fucked up a couple times (stupid, I know), but I still love her so much. SHe said when she broke up with me that we felt more like friends the past month or so, but we're in a 200 mile LDR, and we saw each other every weekend, or at the longest, every 2nd weekend. The distance thing was a big influence on the 'friends' thing, but I thought she was just worrying about everything. She's starting a new 2-year university course in ASL, and with school, trying to work a part-time job, and events that are mandatory for her course, she feels that we'd never see each other anyways, and that would hurt our relationship even more. Last wed. she broke up with me, and I've been a mess ever since. We dated for just over a year, and I've known her for 5+ years, as a great friend. I even offered to move to her city and get a job, and we could move in together, share all the costs, I could relieve her stresses and even help her study. I even bought ASL for dummies in the spring. But... I was thinking of an attempt at rekindling what we had, by making a Video Letter for her. I was planning the following: Take a small movie and some pics of the beach where we (a group of us) were the day I asked her out, and the same beach of our first date Take a small movie of the beach our group camped at 2 nights later Take pictures and a movie of the waterfalls we visited near her home (her original home, near me) Go to the campground we spent a few days at the end of last summer and take some pictures Go to the campground we were at last month for a few days, and the trails we hiked, and take a small movie and some pics of the trails and lighthouse ...and put it all on a DVD with other pictures we have taken of ourselves, and give it to her if our situation starts to improve (which I hope isn't too far off). I want to say to her, "Is this really something that someone who is "a friend" would do, or someone who is deeeply in love with you? My mind says 'obsessive' but I can't imagine my future without her as my love, not just my friend. I got over ex's before, in fairly short order, but nobody in my life has so deeply affected me, impacted my life as she has over this past year. She's my soul mate, my closest friend, and even though we broke up, she's the love of my life, and I could never love another. Never. All day, each and every day that we dated, I thought of her. I'd smile if someone mentioned her name, and when the phone rang, whether I was at work or home, I would get a heart flutter and hope it's her. We talked every night we were dating, except for maybe 3-4 nights when she was away or I ended up working too late. I really miss the time we had together. Fun times, intimate times, going to the movies, or just cuddling watching TV. Every part of that I miss terribly. I can't ever see me letting go of her. Ever. God I'm such a mess.