I have so much shit bottled up and there is no one to talk to. I don't feel comfortable talking to my parents and I don't want to talk to my "friends" because it will be akward. I'll post a few of my situtations now and more later on. Pretty much, I hate my life. I'm a senior in high school and don't have any real friends. At school, there are a couple people I sometimes talk to, but they don't like being around me and there is no one that I can hang out with on the weekend. I hate going to school because I have no one to talk to at lunch or anytime during the day. I feel like everyone is annoyed of me and wants nothing to do with me. In middle school, I had 2 best friends. 1 of them went to the same high school with me, but we drifted so far apart. He is a sellout and hangs out with all the jocks and stuff and obviously tries to avoid me. My other friend goes to another school, his GF makes it so I never see him anymore and doesn't really care about me. Having no friends is soo depressing. Unless you are like me and have no friends, you won't understand how bad it is. To be looked at as a loser. I've never had a GF and never kissed a girl before in my life, but somehow about 6 months ago I got oral HSV-1. I know its common, but my situtation is unique. I get constant, horrible outbreaks. My lips get completely swelled up and red, it looks horrible and it hurts soo much. It hurts to talk, eat and even smile and take showers. Touching my lips hurts soo much. I went to the doctor, he gave me valtrex to take everyday. I've been doing that for about a month and a half, but now I find out the medicine is making me anemic and I have to stop taking it. It was destroying my body. Now I have no medicine to help the symptoms. I get 2-3 outbreaks a month, each lasting 7-10 days, everyday during my outbreaks, I'm in constant hell. My doctor says I have it the worst he has ever seen. Because of these outbreaks, I cannot even think about getting a GF. Who the fuck would want to go out with a guy with lips like mine. I can't even kiss anyone. I want a GF so badly but it kills me to think there is no way to get one now. This common virus has helped ruin my life. My family life pretty much sucks. My mom had some stuff removed from her body and that has caused permanent hormone problems. She takes medicine everyday for it, but always has violent mood swings. Making every converstation I have with her turn into an arguement. I didn't go to homecoming because it would just make me more depressed to go. I wouldn't have a date, I would just stand there and hope someone wants to talk to me. I wouldn't be able to go to any postparty and have no one to hang out with. I'm getting ready to apply for college, but I've fucked up so much in high school I'm not going to get into a college I want. I don't want to go to CC for 2 years then transfer. If I'm going to have a chance of getting friends at all, I have to be there from the very beginning for all 4 years. Transfering would kill me. All this stress causes more hsv-1 outbreaks and makes them bad. I can't have fun at all. I probably won't have a date for Prom and that will be so embarrassing. I thought of suicide but there is no way I'll do that. So I pretty much hate my life.