I cannot blame anyone but myself. I chose to start and i don't know how to stop. I was a straight-edge guy, my friends got me drunk maybe twice before i turned 20. i have a college certificate in Electronics, but it never was utilized. i worked 10-12 hour days at an assembly line. I never really liked alcahol, i knew that i didn't need it's help for anything. Then i started working for the federal government. lots of stress. more than i've ever been used to. People there are 99% alcaholics, and 1% pot smokers. anyway fast forward a couple years. my fiancee gets confused and wants time off our relationship. we had ups and downs, but this was stress through the roof! i basically took this high stress job with the government because her mother wanted me to. and she wanted me to. i loved her so much, and it ripped so much away from me. i felt betrayed, and lost. I didn't like the alcahol, but i had access to mary jane. so i started smoking every few days, after work with some friends, weekends with my cousin. it really took the nerves off things going on at work. i had a well paying, yet dead-end job, full of politics that i just don't understand. My fiancee wants a second chance. we work things thru, and by fall that year i tell her what's been going on with my life and the drugs. i decide i will go to counselling at work to see why i'm so stressed. after only a few sessions time, i've 'exceeded' the free counselling at work. my counsellor wants me to come in regularly and maybe some drugs like prozac or zoloft will help with my mood. I know people on those drugs. they're zombies or worse, happy lil robots. I decide to stick to the MJ. i've been disappointed yet again with the politics thru work. i've tried other outlets, and in some degree they've helped. but the one recreation i loved most, was martial arts. and its a sore spot now. what happened the first time when my fiancee broke up with me was she started seeing a guy in our kung fu class behind my back. for about half a year i noticed he'd been advancing on her, and she'd make suttle suggestions on how to make myself more (for the lack of a better term) "chinese". i'm 1/2 filippino. she's full chinese. anyway, all my effort wasn't good enough to hold her. I'm still angry, i can't feel better about it, almost 3 years later. I feel there's a sea between us now. and i can't feel the magnetism that we had 9 years ago. fast forward to this year. 4 years after becoming a chronic abuser. still with the same girl, but i'm back in college doing something i really love. autobody. even better, i quit smoking drugs from september to december. in february, most of my finals were done, and work with the government started again in the evenings. it wasn't a week before i needed to buy a G or two off a friend. that fuckin place drains the spirit out of you and just leaves spite, and anger. i'm going to quit that job and never look back. but should i kick this habit too? i don't know if i feel like i need it, especially when i'm happy, like the 5 months that i was in school. i would put it down for a couple months then pick up whenever i felt like just getting high. play vids on it, watch a movie, or debate cars with people. i've decided to give that job the boot. i'll be finished autobody in 14 weeks. undecided on the drugs. undecided on the girl. thoughts?