LOVE I think I just steered the best relationship I've ever had into the friends zone

TheRemains

If I sound disrespectful, it's only because you're
Oct 3, 2001
40,771
Boston
Met this girl, she's 22 (i'm 25) really hot, fun to be with, have great sex, etc, etc

So we've been going out for a month. At first she didn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wanted to be friends with benefits. She has told me that I'm the best sex she's ever had so I feel like I've got her locked-in in that department. I'm usually terrible in bed but there's something about her that makes me rise to the occasion.

But she doesn't want to become emotionally attached because she's still not over her last boyfriend. You see, she went to school in California and still yearns to move back. She would still be with him if she didn't have to move back to Boston after college was over. But she's here, she had to break up with him, he reacted badly, and now she's here in Boston with me.

So a few dates after she said she just wanted to be FWB she told me that she was re-thinking that plan and said that she really wanted to be committed to each other and be gf/bf. I was happy.

Then a few nights ago I sent a txt message that I regret now that just said "I think I'm falling for you" and she responded with "I think I love you" Great right? No

Because now she can't say it to my face... or say it ever again. I tried to bring it up when she was over last night and we got into this big discussion about how she's still not over her ex, even though she hates him with a passion, thinks he's immature, and would never be with him again (I guess now that she's had me) But when I try to bring up the subject of love she begins to back off, saying things like "I'm just going to break your heart. My wants and desires will change and I will leave you" and then she said "I feel like we should just be friends"

And then we had wild passionate sex which she said was one of the best she's had yet.
 
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TheRemains

TheRemains

If I sound disrespectful, it's only because you're
Oct 3, 2001
40,771
Boston
I think it's California really

If she was able to find a job and an apartment here, and move in with some roomates she would probably be just fine. But as it is right now, she has no friends here, no job, lives with Mom and the dogs and is really bored.
 

iwishyouwerebeer

you shut your cunt
Sep 1, 2006
31,942
I hate to say this....but she's just not really into you. I worry she's just settling with you because no one, and I mean no one goes from being depressed that she had to dump her bf and move away....to falling "in love" with you within days. She's not falling in love with you, she's just reaching and craving that feeling back. Women also don't base a relationship off sex (not a long term committed relationship) like a lot of men do. You very well are probably her best sex ever....but that is not going to keep her around or make her love you more.

She's not over her ex, she's not 100% happy with where she is and honestly even if you two did commit she'd eventually at some point still yearn to go back to California, whether it was to be with the guy or not I don't know. She's explicitly told you this more than once...which is pretty bad.

I personally feel you are wasting your time if your plan is to keep pushing her towards something more right now. I've said it before and I'll tell the story again-when I met my bf I had just gotten out of a relationship that I cared about. I had 0 interest in anything remotely serious and neither did he luckily since he was out of a big relationship. We were monogamous but nothing serious for months and just casually dated and had a good time, no pressure. 6 months later we found ourselves still together, still happy and finally ready and wanting a real relationship. It worked because neither of us pressured each other and it allowed time to get over our ex's and also time to grow together.

My point is, if you still want to try for a relationship with this girl you are going to need to realize right now that trying to push her isn't actually going to benefit you in the end, in fact it will end terribly. The fact that she told you she's going to hurt you is never a good thing. We've seen that in here a million times and it basically translates to "I'm not really in love with you but I really don't want to be alone. So I guess I will stay with you until something better comes along or I figure out what I'm going to do-in which case I'll probably break your heart because you'll still be in love with me."
 
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TheRemains

TheRemains

If I sound disrespectful, it's only because you're
Oct 3, 2001
40,771
Boston
Yea I think you're right, which is why I wish I could back peddle on what I said.

I don't really love her, or want something serious. I just wanted to convey how awesome of a time I'm having with her and how much I don't want it to end. But I've run us to the edge of a cliff now and she's like "Well fuck, you're about to fall and take me with you, I better get the fuck outta here."
 

iwishyouwerebeer

you shut your cunt
Sep 1, 2006
31,942
Yea I think you're right, which is why I wish I could back peddle on what I said.

I don't really love her, or want something serious. I just wanted to convey how awesome of a time I'm having with her and how much I don't want it to end. But I've run us to the edge of a cliff now and she's like "Well fuck, you're about to fall and take me with you, I better get the fuck outta here."
Oh, well if that's what you truly want I don't think you're fucked at all man. I don't think she's going anywhere....I just don't think a serious relationship is going to form anytime soon. Why not just talk with her and explain you are sorry if you made her feel you were looking for something long term or serious and that you really meant to just share that you are having a great time being with her and getting to know her? Then just keep on doing what you're doing :dunno: No pressure FTW, don't mention falling in love or whatever again unless you mean it.
 
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TheRemains

TheRemains

If I sound disrespectful, it's only because you're
Oct 3, 2001
40,771
Boston
I'll try, I tried to say it last night... in fact I did, but we were already in a funky mood and i don't think she bought it, or processed it, or whatever.

I texted her and tried calling her, she's ignoring me...

The bad part? She's got an appointment with her shrink tonight.
 

iwishyouwerebeer

you shut your cunt
Sep 1, 2006
31,942
I'll try, I tried to say it last night... in fact I did, but we were already in a funky mood and i don't think she bought it, or processed it, or whatever.

I texted her and tried calling her, she's ignoring me...

The bad part? She's got an appointment with her shrink tonight.
Let her contact you next. If it really pans out that she decides to not even entertain the idea of you then that's that, you've gotta move on. You definitely can not blame it on anything you said, because it all just really comes down to her not being ready for anything :dunno:
 
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TheRemains

TheRemains

If I sound disrespectful, it's only because you're
Oct 3, 2001
40,771
Boston
here's a pic of her so you can understand why i'm so crazy

n13300791_32277306_8398.jpg
 
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TheRemains

TheRemains

If I sound disrespectful, it's only because you're
Oct 3, 2001
40,771
Boston
There's a point to what I said more than what you interpreted it as. Is she God? No, then who cares given she is not a divinity nor is she problem free.

sorry :o


she's not problem free, just the best i've had so far. and who knows how long it will take me to find someone else... or even someone else as amazing as her.
 

Reign

No
Nov 17, 2003
35,747
CO
Wow, you sound like a women in her thirties that's ready to settle for who ever comes next.
 

Mugen92GS-R

New Member
Aug 8, 2003
20,532
Sex doesn't make a relationship. My recent ex was by FAR the BEST I've ever had. Absolutely AMAZING sex, for both of us... and for a while I thought it was all we needed... and that it was worth it.

It wasn't, and I should have ended that relationship a lot sooner than I did.
 

PresidentJames

New Member
Sep 28, 2008
161
ask me later.
Sex doesn't make a relationship. My recent ex was by FAR the BEST I've ever had. Absolutely AMAZING sex, for both of us... and for a while I thought it was all we needed... and that it was worth it.

It wasn't, and I should have ended that relationship a lot sooner than I did.

sex in a relationship is 40 percent of it.
what u share or what u feel on a romantic (that is, not boinking) level is the other 60 percent.
 

chica&buddies

Active Member
Apr 11, 2001
13,586
lovely orlando
I hate to say this....but she's just not really into you. I worry she's just settling with you because no one, and I mean no one goes from being depressed that she had to dump her bf and move away....to falling "in love" with you within days. She's not falling in love with you, she's just reaching and craving that feeling back. Women also don't base a relationship off sex (not a long term committed relationship) like a lot of men do. You very well are probably her best sex ever....but that is not going to keep her around or make her love you more.

She's not over her ex, she's not 100% happy with where she is and honestly even if you two did commit she'd eventually at some point still yearn to go back to California, whether it was to be with the guy or not I don't know. She's explicitly told you this more than once...which is pretty bad.

I personally feel you are wasting your time if your plan is to keep pushing her towards something more right now. I've said it before and I'll tell the story again-when I met my bf I had just gotten out of a relationship that I cared about. I had 0 interest in anything remotely serious and neither did he luckily since he was out of a big relationship. We were monogamous but nothing serious for months and just casually dated and had a good time, no pressure. 6 months later we found ourselves still together, still happy and finally ready and wanting a real relationship. It worked because neither of us pressured each other and it allowed time to get over our ex's and also time to grow together.

My point is, if you still want to try for a relationship with this girl you are going to need to realize right now that trying to push her isn't actually going to benefit you in the end, in fact it will end terribly. The fact that she told you she's going to hurt you is never a good thing. We've seen that in here a million times and it basically translates to "I'm not really in love with you but I really don't want to be alone. So I guess I will stay with you until something better comes along or I figure out what I'm going to do-in which case I'll probably break your heart because you'll still be in love with me."

i completely agree with this... i don't think that she is in love with you. i honestly think that she's behaving the way she is because she doesn't want to be alone. :( i have to give her credit though. i think it's a good thing that she told you she wasn't ready for a relationship because it's only going to hurt you in the end. it's best to be open and honest in any relationship, imo. :)

when i moved to florida 6+ years ago, i was in the same exact boat. once it sunk in that i was completely alone, i was really sad. i had been talking to a guy from ot for a few months before i moved though. he and i met, and we really hit it off. he introduced me to his friends, etc, and we all had a great time! however, i didn't want to date him exclusively because i wanted to get to know more people and make more friends. on the other hand, i didn't want to lose him, so he and i fell into a FWB relationship as well.

my advice? don't put pressure on the "relationship." take it for what it is...just realize that with increased contact with someone you're more than likely going to fall for them. :hs: sooo if you can't keep your emotions to a minimum, you might want to reconsider the FWB relationship all-together.
 

ware_ru

I know, I know, I'm amazing
Jun 17, 2004
1,043
you sound like a fucking pussy. no wonder she doesn't like you. grow a pair of balls. This isn't a flame, this is advice.
 

ware_ru

I know, I know, I'm amazing
Jun 17, 2004
1,043
i also don't understand how people decide they want to be exclusive with someone after knowing them for two dates. what the fuck
 

Viper

Livin' la vida scrotum
Sep 22, 2004
76,574
In a van down by the river
here's a pic of her so you can understand why i'm so crazy

n13300791_32277306_8398.jpg

Gotta be honest here, but she's not all that.

I mean, she's pretty, but not in the way that you are describing her.

Your feelings have you blinded. When you get over her, you'll look back and be like "what did I ever see in her?"

You should know the drill:

Cut contact for a period of no less than 90 days and give yourself time and distraction to heal.

Pretty straightforward and cut and dry, but a lot easier said than done, I know.

Just do it. It gets easier with each day.
 

the_mavsman

New Member
Feb 20, 2005
13,227
Sydney, Australia
This is my brutally honest opinion brah, she doesn't look that flash in the pic.

I have something similar to you in my last relationship. I forced her into being my gf cause even though we were going on dates and having sex etc she will never say she likes me or whatever. She wouldn't even hold my hand out in public. Turns out that she was pissed at her bf and they broke up when she hooked up with me. She eventually got back together with him but she didn't tell me this so the slut was cheating on both me and her bf at the same time for a month.

I don't even talk to her anymore now.
 

Dahlia

Active Member
Feb 12, 2008
27,405
Lexington, KY
To all those who are saying she isn't the best looking......

People have different likes and dislikes, the hottest dumb blonde bitch to you guys isn't always the hottest to someone else... Don't cut him down just because you don't think shes "the prettiest thing ever". He thinks she's attractive, and thats all that should matter.
 

MattThom01

Active Member
Jan 2, 2006
8,507
Have sex with her one or two nights a week, but continue to pursue other women in the meantime.

You KNOW it's not going to go anywhere at this point, so the best thing you could do is minimize your time with her...at this point, she's just with you for the sex and companionship when she's lonely.
 

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