SRS I think im completly fucked emotionally

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by TwistedMind, Apr 4, 2009.

  1. TwistedMind

    TwistedMind New Member

    Mar 20, 2004
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    Here recently the gf and I have been fighting alot, nothing to do with us as a couple but more our current home situation. I bought a house I knew was a fixer upper and moved into it with the intention of getting it all squared away before she and her daughter moved in.

    Well the repairs are taking longer than I anticipated and im way over budget, no big deal to me shit happens as I see it and it will get done when it's done and it's over budget okay that sucks but I know the shits done right and I wont have to mess with it again for 30 or 40 years.

    Anyways the GF ran into some difficulty with her home, the landlord changed the place to a retirment community no kids allowed and basicly told her you have 60 days to get your shit and get out.

    So, she moved into the house with her daughter. At first I didn't think it was a big deal but we are all living in 1 bedroom, I work full time, full time college student, remodeling house every spare minute I have, getting around 4 hours of sleep a day.

    Anyways all this lack of sleep and privacy came to a head last night and we had this huge fight. Ended up telling her to get her shit and get out if shes going to be this way. The whole fight was over internet, the way I see it is it's 50 bucks a month we don't have to spend right now, the way she sees it she absolutly has to have internet its non negotible. Both of our hours are getting cut and combined wages barely, and I mean barely puts us over the poverty line.

    So, she starts crying and going on and on about how I fail at life etc etc etc and all i wanted was for her to leave. Anyways, I didn't shed a tear, I felt no remorse, I still don't feel anything except kind of guilty.

    I know your standard responce is going to be dump her, move on, etc etc.

    But what I want to know is, is a lack of emotional responce to such a situation mean I don't love her?

    I have never been an emotional person, I didn't cry when my grandma or grandpa passed, and honestly the last time I think I cried was getting paddled in 5th grade.

    I don't know what I would do without her but at the same time according to tv and magazies and books and shit people are supposed to have a emotional responce to shit like that and I just dont. Is something wrong with me?

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Jun 22, 2007
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    I think you did have an emotional response. You experienced anger. There is nothing wrong with feeling threatened financially and attempting to reconcile it by cutting the budget. However, the way the situation was handled wasn't in anyone's best interest. It's not necessarily the logic but how you say it or the context you use. She clearly felt that you would have no problem discarding her at this point -- which to be honest, I'm sure you kind of did feel that way. I know what it's like to be pressured and stressed beyond my means. I've gotten into similar arguments with my girlfriend. We've worked through them though. I'll explain how below.

    Clearly this wasn't just over the internet, but rather frustration over a larger situation. There are rules and boundaries that people need to abide by when living in close quarters, and other concessions that need to be made sometimes when living with a partner.

    What needs to happen is that you both sit down, set some ground rules for the discussion(No blaming, interrupting, yelling, sarcasm, rolling eyes or otherwise offensive behavior), and then give each other adequate time to completely discuss what you feel and think, what you need and what you want. While the other person is talking, you listen. When they're entirely finished, then you talk. When you're entire finished -- talk together back and forth.

    And: Apologize. If you're feeling guilt it's because you made an error probably. Apologize for your part -- but not all of it. Let her be responsible for her part too. Take responsibility for your part.

    If you do these things, you stand a good chance of resolving things. You'll need to think in advance about what you really want to say, and bring some practical ideas to the table to solve the problem or to create a plan that you can both go over -- and then agree upon. If you can't agree on what you both consider some key issues, you then have to decide whether you can tolerate those specific things, or whether you can't -- and if you can't, you will have to end the relationship or change the nature of the relationship (She may have to move back out).
  3. Gillzeebub

    Gillzeebub New Member

    Oct 3, 2007
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    Melbourne, Australia
    forgive me if im wrong but it seems as tho u mention her child with some significance but u never go on to mention her in the arguement. I get the feeling maybe she is more involved than u mentioned.
    I agree with metallic, ur response was to be angry and possibly irrational "get ur shit and get out" (its still a response)
    I dont think u should dump her, move on blah blah, i think u need to talk, properly, and about everything. Again i agree with metallic, this fight wasnt about internet, it sounds like ur in a pretty stressful place right now and its understandable that eventually cracks are going to appear.
    Talk it out, u DO have an emotional response, it doesnt have to be tears all the time.

    Perhaps you took it personally, feel somehow like u would have liked to provide that completed family home for her? Feel she doesnt understand that times are tough and that u need to try to get rid of unnecessary expenses?
  4. northw3st

    northw3st New Member

    May 9, 2007
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    KC MO
    If you love her, it's your job to stick with her I guess.

    I can't take my own advice though. She is obviously in a fantasy world where money grows on trees and wants turn into needs. I would never date a girl like that.

    As for your question, it does not mean you don't love her. It means your logic is at a higher level, and you don't have the time nor desire to argue about something you know isn't worth arguing about.

    I don't care about how much you care for her, that mindset she has will probably never go away. It will only get worse if you guys get married.

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