Lately I've not tried analyzing my emotional status, until now, that is, because for probably a year it hasn't followed any logical sequence. I've had my share of problems since graduating high school, including but not limited to lack of direction, financial things, family shit, "substance abuse" and its repercussions. My mind goes up, then down, then completely out... if that makes sense. I used to think I was depressed, but honestly sometimes I am so fucking happy with life it's sickening. For example, the other day I was seriously considering the idea of not living anymore. I wasn't particularly upset, just really fucking tired of how things had been going. Most of the time when I feel this way, suicide seems more like a logical option to me than an insane and depression-driven tendency. The next day, I woke up, ran for an hour, took a shower, and I had a big shit-eating grin on my face the entire day. When I am feeling like this, my mentality is something like "None of this shit really matters. It's stupid not to make the best of what I've got." Mixed into all of this are serious bouts with anger, and I think this specifically is a consequence of not ever knowing how I really fucking feel. I tried cutting myself a few times, but it never really helped. Plus I would just get more angry when people would ask me about the marks on my arms like "what the fuck do you care?" I feel like I can control, or at least, channel my anger into things to make it better, the ups and downs emotionally though, are really testing my limits. If I'm angry I can exercise, or listen to music, or something else. The other aspects of my mind I cannot control at all. One random thought, feeling, or something someone says can trigger a complete and total shift in my personality. This is a recurring problem of mine and I was hoping maybe someone here has had a similar experience?