I'm not sure what to start with, so I'll just start writing. I broke up with my ex back in September. We didn't talk much for a couple weeks, started talking a bit, and the idea of us getting back together came up. We pin-pointed things that needed to be worked on between us. For the past two weeks, everything was going perfectly. The things we knew we had to fix were being fixed. We were incredidly happy together. This relationship before was really just based on sex, but everything we were doing now was based on our feelings for each other. We did nothing more than just be close. We had planned on going out last night on a date. Thursday night she broke down and said she didn't know anymore about what she wanted. She wants to casually date, she wants to find what else is out there, but she really wants me back and really wants to be with me. We ended up going out last night and it was horrible. The same stuff was on our mind the entire time and it just made it really akward. I told her last night when I got home there's no point anymore. I'll come back to this in a second. I'm supposed to be moving to San Diego in the middle of January. I've had this planned since back in February pretty much. When we got together, it was a non-issue, we knew things could work. Now that we broke up, it's the one thing that's keeping her from opening up. But now, I'm not even sure if I'm going. If I can't get the classes I need there at the JC to get into SDSU, then I'm not going, I can't. There's no reason. She doesn't know this though. So back to her. I told her to me there's no point anymore in me trying. There's no point in me opening up to her and doing everything for her that I want. I want to date her again, work things out and see where it takes us. If we don't get back together, thta's fine, but everything that happened the past two weeks really showed me what kind of couple we can be, and it was incredibly easy on both our parts. Nothing was forced, it was all natural to us. But she doesn't know what she wants. She's had two relationships in her life, me and another guy. She said part of her wants to find what else is out there before doing anything. She's supposed to be moving to San Diego in June. She's said she wants to just have me move down there and get settled then us get back together. Then she said she wants to wait until she gets down there because that'd be easier on her. I told her last night it won't be that easy. She's going to get down there and decide to see what there is down there then. What is 8 months right now turns into 10 months and 12 months. I look at this situation with us and think we're supposed to be together. We broke up for a reason and it was for each of us to realize things about ourself and improve those. We wouldn't have come back to each other like this is there wasn't supposed to be anything. Things wouldn't have been that easy between us if it wasn't supposed to be working out. The only argument we've had in the past three weeks was about this stuff because of our differing viewpoints on a lot of it. A lot of me doesn't want to give up, but there's no point in me spending the time and energy and money on this if it means nothing. I can't date her casually, there's too many emotions involved there. I can date a friend casually, I can't date someone I love casually. So I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to do with her. I'm not going to convince her, but I just want her to take a step back and look at things. She said it seems like all we do is fight, but she doesn't realize how good things were with us. I don't know what to do about San Diego right now either. I want to get out of this place so badly, but I don't want to fuck up my schooling for it. I'm going to counseling for a lot of issues and it's helped, but there's still things that it hasn't helped. I'm a fucking mess. I'm tired of it all, part of me just wants to give up on everything right now because life just flat out sucks, nothing is going right with me right now and I hate it.