LOVE Im falling for one of my best friends...

[zmiller91]

So, ive been friends with this girl for 5 years. She has always been one of my closest friends. We have always been open with our feelings for each other, as in if she didnt like what i did she would tell me, and same goes with me.

Two years ago she started drinking and i freaked on her (i was immature but i really liked her and couldnt stand her doing that). She then got mad at me and we werent friends for a year.

A few months ago she freaked out on me for dating my ex. I freaked on her and we moved on.

However, she has always remained one of my best friends, and i can appreciate all she has done with me. She stays up with me late at night, talks to me when im bored, and lays with me when im tired.

Im starting to fall for her, but im afraid of what will happen. I dont want to date her and then have us fall apart, she is far to important. We have already kissed and what not, but im really stuck on this dating part.


Does anyone have any advice? Also, i just got out of a relationship, so how long should i wait?

Thanks everyone, again.

 

[evh]

similar thing happened to me brosky.

look at my huge thread about the ex gf. that was her.

 

[prototism]

i was involved in something like this. my advice is get out now. whether or not she knows it, she is probably using you. i am not saying she is being insidious or malicious.

i could be wrong, so forgive me if i am.

 

[iwishyouwerebeer]

Going off of everything I have learned about you in the past few months....it's probably not going to turn into anything like you hope it to. If it had been meant to be it would have happened by now. I had a friendship with a guy in a very very similar situations to yours and every time one of us was single the other would get with someone, it would start an annoyance and then we'd get grumpy and not talk for a while. After years it finally happened, we became a "couple" and go figure within weeks we both realized it wasn't as great as the movies make it out to be. We had known each other so long that once we were actually an item the whole fun of the sexual tension was gone. The chase was gone. We still care about each other deeply but it really is this weird mutual thing where we know we are better off friends

With you, you are fresh out of that god awful relationship. You are graduating in the next few months and don't need another female distraction. My guess is you love jumping into another relationship so you're not alone but based on you track record you'd probably get with this girl and even if it wasn't great you'd stay with her anyway just based off your long history. Then you'd make an excuse about going away to college, etc. etc. You are 18 man.

 

[zmiller91]

There seems to be mixed opinions on this. Ill try to give a background of this girl.

For one, she shares the same political views with me. She does not require a lot of money. She appreciates the smallest things, and actually has a heart. She is friends with all my other friends. She is perfectly content of just haning out with out friends. There is more, i know im forgetting something.

Also, beer, thank you for the advice, i really do appreciate it, you give some damn good advice!

 

[Bob Brown]

Look, the thing is, it can go super awesome or super horrible. The choice is ultimately yours on whether you want to risk your current friendship to go through with it.
If you are ABSOLUTELY sure you can risk it WITHOUT any regrets, do waht you want, if you have even the slightest inclination it might go so wrong that you will regret this forever, then DONT DO IT.

 

[MattThom01]

probably won't work.

Especially if you just got out of a relationship, and she knows it...she'd see any move you make as one of desperation or loneliness rather than true interest.

But, if you've been friends for 5 years....yeah. Expect the usual "I don't want to ruin the friendship...you're like a brother to me...", etc.

 

[bjonesy77]

Happened to me my freshman year in college. I was good friends with a girl, she was one of my first friends I met in college. We hung out all day every day, watched movies, played videogames (snes) but never kissed, touched, nothing sexual or romantic. I fell for her. I told her. She denied me but we were still good friends. I then gave up on her, moved on. And fell for one of her best friends, who I then dated seriously for about a year. Moral of the story, you're not going to get the girl one way or the other, so date her friends.

 

[Bob Brown]

it never works out like those movies...........and if it does, ur 1 out of 1 baggizgoolian others that actually succeeded

 

[AKA]

What the hell --- Dude --- if you feel like you love her --- go for it -- worse case is it dosent work out --- if you dont you will ALWAYS wonder what if.

 

[iwishyouwerebeer]

I think the thing that makes me the most skeptical is from everything I have read from zmiller I can almost say I'm positive if he started dating this girl and things obviously weren't working out he'd stay with her anyways because they've known each other 5 years and he thinks it has to work

 

[prototism]

Cab you see yourself as just her friend? Is your friendship strong enough that you can recover from this?

 

[Kinks]

Im starting to fall for her, but im afraid of what will happen. I dont want to date her and then have us fall apart, she is far to important. We have already kissed and what not, but im really stuck on this dating part.

I have a close female friend who I developed feelings for. I was also worried that things might not work out if I acted on those feelings, but they continued. So I asked her if she was interested in going out, turns out she's not. No problem, get over it move on! If you know nothing's going to happen then you don't waste time pining over someone. And I'm still great friends with her, and her friends are cute so something might happen there

 

[bjonesy77]

I have a close female friend who I developed feelings for. I was also worried that things might not work out if I acted on those feelings, but they continued. So I asked her if she was interested in going out, turns out she's not. No problem, get over it move on! If you know nothing's going to happen then you don't waste time pining over someone. And I'm still great friends with her, and her friends are cute so something might happen there

this man knows whats up!

 

[victimizati0n]

There seems to be mixed opinions on this. Ill try to give a background of this girl.

For one, she shares the same political views with me. She does not require a lot of money. She appreciates the smallest things, and actually has a heart. She is friends with all my other friends. She is perfectly content of just haning out with out friends. There is more, i know im forgetting something.

Also, beer, thank you for the advice, i really do appreciate it, you give some damn good advice!

it almost sounds like you like her so much that you are clouding everything else out except for the good stuff that relate to you and her

i would say move on before you get whipped by this chick

 

[Bob Brown]

I have a close female friend who I developed feelings for. I was also worried that things might not work out if I acted on those feelings, but they continued. So I asked her if she was interested in going out, turns out she's not. No problem, get over it move on! If you know nothing's going to happen then you don't waste time pining over someone. And I'm still great friends with her, and her friends are cute so something might happen there

That's how to do it. Just freaking get it out in the open and get it over with. No point lingering around only to be hurt far greater and longer than needed.

Kudos to you about still being friends with her. I have a similar story too, cept that she actually said she was interested in going out but just didn't work out.

 

[spydur86]

Eh, it always happens like this. I'm getting out of the same situation. I've known this girl for the past 5 years, we met through my ex so obviously we couldn't start dating when we met even though she said she wanted to. Didn't talk for two years, much like you and yours, started talking again and I started being more interested in her. She gave me the "I want to be with you but I just want to be single right now, blah blah blah speech." I was a chode and kept hanging out with her for awhile and finally realized I was wasting my time. The thing is, you're great friends with her but if you want something more from her you can't just be friends with her. Take some time off, stop calling her, be too busy to talk/hang out with her/etc even if you're not, tell her you are. Get over her, get your vision unclouded and then think about it rationally. I now realize that things could never work out with my friend and I, there's too many things about her that bother me, even though we get along so well as friends. If you've been friends for 5 years and nothing's come of it there's probably a reason for it, and that reason is probably because you've both realized (conciously or subconciously) that you wouldn't work out.

 

[BlackIce72]

I read the first line and stopped.

I suggest you do also.

 

[V!]

I have a close female friend who I developed feelings for. I was also worried that things might not work out if I acted on those feelings, but they continued. So I asked her if she was interested in going out, turns out she's not. No problem, get over it move on! If you know nothing's going to happen then you don't waste time pining over someone. And I'm still great friends with her, and her friends are cute so something might happen there

 

[iwishyouwerebeer]

Going off zmiller's pattern he's dating this girl already and is not going to come back until they are having trouble when we all said not to do it in the first place.

 

[Mars Princess]

I would get out while you still can. Friendships have to be really strong to survive relationships that go sour for whatever reason. You change the dynamics of your friendship forever once you start dating your best friend. That's not saying that things can't work out, but more often than not, it doesn't. The way I see it, if it was meant to happen, it would have happened already. I don't know your history, but it is sounding like this is kind of one sided. Kissing is nothing. Commitment is a whole nother level.

 

[zmiller91]

Going off zmiller's pattern he's dating this girl already and is not going to come back until they are having trouble when we all said not to do it in the first place.

i actually didnt know this thread got bumped, ive been having car problems so ive been spending my time on other forums...

im not daiting her yet, im going to see how this pans out. she wants to date me, it seems like many think she doesnt want to. Im not sure what i will do, i think for this one im just going to let things take course.

 

[MattThom01]

i actually didnt know this thread got bumped, ive been having car problems so ive been spending my time on other forums...

im not daiting her yet, im going to see how this pans out. she wants to date me, it seems like many think she doesnt want to. Im not sure what i will do, i think for this one im just going to let things take course.

So...because you KNOW she wants to date you, you're going to sit on your butt and wait for her to make a move.

Translation to what it really is...you're afraid to get rejected or ruin the friendship, but you want to hold on to the fantasy that she wants to date you. So, instead of asking her out and getting rejected, you're going to wait for her to realize she wants you...

Ugh...been there, done that.

Nothing will change. You'll keep lusting after her, she'll just keep seeing you as a friend (and why shouldn't she, if you're giving her no indication that you want more). You'll eventually resent yourself, but blame it on her somehow...

MAKE A DECISION. ASK HER OUT OR REMAIN FRIENDS, BUT DO NOT JUST WAIT!

 

[Bob Brown]

So...because you KNOW she wants to date you, you're going to sit on your butt and wait for her to make a move.

Translation to what it really is...you're afraid to get rejected or ruin the friendship, but you want to hold on to the fantasy that she wants to date you. So, instead of asking her out and getting rejected, you're going to wait for her to realize she wants you...

Ugh...been there, done that.

Nothing will change. You'll keep lusting after her, she'll just keep seeing you as a friend (and why shouldn't she, if you're giving her no indication that you want more). You'll eventually resent yourself, but blame it on her somehow...

MAKE A DECISION. ASK HER OUT OR REMAIN FRIENDS, BUT DO NOT JUST WAIT!

.

ive been here before. just do something about it. deal with the aftermath later.

 

[j828]

I fell for one of my best friends, got plastered on NYE and laid her best friend, guess I threw that one outta the window. Fuck.