I'm 19, I feel like I should be at the highlight of my life, things should be at their best and right now even though I'm not in the worst of situations...I'm not really pushing the limits. I'm much more in this comfort zone. I spend a lot of my time in my house unless a friend calls and says they want to hang out or something, in my house I try to spend my time leisurely and not necessarily dealing with many responsibilities even though I do take care of them(eventually) they just aren't my main priority. I mean...I've yet to find an actual job. I've always worked for my parents and its been the kind of thing they give me this "allowance" sort of pay and it sucks because I'm unable to save up to buy anything worth while since its shitty pay and couldn't get me through a week if I tried. (Of course, I'm involved in my local hardcore scene and so that already explains where all my money goes...) I've recently been applying to any place I can find (with the exception of fast food restaurants, I know I shouldn't be picky) Otherwise, I think due to my shitty handwriting I don't think any company is willing to take anyone without any job experience. Currently I'm in school at CCRI (community college of RI) and I'm a philosophy major, I feel that thing is the best thing because I can become a college professor this way, I've always been interested in teaching and becoming a teacher. Even though I'm the worst with facts and paper speeches and stuff technically, I can easily go up infront of people and tell them how I feel. I also love being able to pass knowledge. Though, I've found an interest in being an officer of the law or just gonig through regular education studies and becoming a teacher that way. I'm not physically fit at all, I'm not really into sports, but I want to be more outgoing. Sadly living in this shitty state of RI, there's no where to f go that is worthwhile(again, I could be being picky.) I'm looking into buying a bike to ride around providence but its almost winter and it won't really be used until spring. I'm looking into yoga and maybe weight lifting because right now I'm actually underweight and I feel weak when it comes to anything physical, especially around all my friends. My love life is almost as bad, I've only had 4 girlfriends, my first was a ridiculous bitch, though she met my needs. I put my self in this hole I'm in because each girl I've been with, they always weird ed me out or they have something about them that sort of turns me off. Through experimenting with the previous girls I think I've figured out what I'm looking for in a girl but now I can't find anyone I'm really interested in (more than sexually) because I think I might be hung up on my first. I don't really know where I'm going, I don't really know what I'm doing either. I'm trying to motivate myself but I have a tough time getting up and doing something and I don't want this to be the kind of thing that, life will just pass me by as I sit around waiting for something to happen. Cliffs: I'm feeling like crap because I'm just unsure of what sort of position I am in my life right now. Is it me, am I just not making anything of myself? If you can and are willing to, please help.