For some reason I always feel numb, bored and disconnected from everyone else. I'm slowly losing intrests in everything and just becomming a shell of a human being. My one main outlet; writing, I don't even keep up with. It's just like "whats the point?". This has been going on for a while now. I got to think really deeply today, When was the last time I actually felt something, happiness or even sadness? I honestly could not remember, I've been dumped, left out of the loop of friends, haven't really talked to anyone about myself in almost a year but then I came to the realization that I've become comfortable with this lifestyle. For example; this past week a met a girl...she actually captured my intrest, which no girl hasn't really done in over a year. We get to talking and she drops the bombshell...she has a boyfriend. Now old me would have probably been depressed for at least a couple of days ,I really liked this girl, but would have moved on. But when she told me today I felt nothing, no sadness, even when I tried to get a little sad...nothing. Kind of scared me today. Maybe I didn't like her but the fact that there was something else to think about, to hope for, threw me off of the mundane thoughts I think, it was something diffrent. It's not that I don't have any friends, I have a close knit of friends but for some reason I always feel insecure about putting myself out there (I'm usually the go to guy), I am an introverted person also so it just makes things much harder. I just feel like if I put myself out there to the wrong person I will pay for it. I cried once infront of everyone ( a friend died last year) but it was also the annivarsary of my dad dying...that was just too much but I felt like so weird. I guess I haven't found that person/people I feel comfortable talking to. Hell I don't think I've hugged anyone with feeling behind it. Theres no real question in this post, maybe others have felt this way.