I said a while ago that I would not post on this forum anymore. I didn't post for a little while but the only thing that makes me feel good is venting my problems here, as I have nobody to tell them to. I'm 19 years old. I am supposed to be in college and I am somehow supposed to know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I dropped out of college and I don't know shit. I have ZERO direction. I have a horrible relationship with my family, except my older brother. I have asked my older brother for advice plenty of times, but he just doesn't know anything because he went to college and he hates his job. I have asked my father, and my mother. My father's advice is very vague. He doesn't know shit either, as he also grew up without any direction. He just does side jobs for money. He is an asshole and I hate him. He did a horrible job as a father figure in my life. My mother just tells me to go to college so I can get a good job. Poor bitch, that is all she knows because she just repeats things that people say to her. That does not sound appealing to me at all. My older sister went to college and now she hates her job. She has also become an alcoholic because of how miserable her life is. What I wanted to do originally was join the Marines last year right out of high school. My dumb bitch mother started crying when the recruiter came over with the paperwork, and she was begging me not to go. I guess every mother will cry, I just didn't realize that and took it seriously and decided not to join so I wouldn't hurt her. One year later, and she is threatening to kick me out of the house because I just sit around the house doing absolutely nothing until 5pm when I have to go to work. That is women for you, stupid fucking wacko. First she won't let me go, then she wants to kick me out for not doing anything. No integrity from women. I have since begun to hate women because of how stupid they are, and how badly then can fuck things up. I lost a year of my life not doing a single thing because she started crying and telling me not to join. I will never allow a women to influence any decision of mine again, EVER! I don't really want to joint the marines anymore. I don't want to become a puppet for the government. I don't want to work for a corporation because I do not want to become a corporate slave. I want to start my own business but I don't know what I want to sell. I just don't know anything. I went to kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, high school. The main thing I learned was to always rely on someone else. Ask your teacher. Do what your teacher tells you to do. Now that highschool is over, I just want to ask someone what I should do. But I don't have anyone to ask. Will someone just please step up and tell me what I am doing wrong. At this point, I am considering joining the marines again because some people on another forum told me to do so. I can't decide on my own. I have been trying to decide for over a year and I can't. Call me an indecisive bitch, a stupid snot nosed 19 year old, a fag, or tell me to grow a pair of balls. "Fuck you" will be my response. I have no real friends. I have never had a girlfriend, and I have never had sex, although I think about it and want it very badly. I am sexually frustrated. I interact with people best when I don't say much. Then they at least assume I am normal. I have social anxiety disorder, I blush very easily. I am very unhappy. I am very angry. I hate how people will all smile and put on a show like everything is alright when they are in fact miserable. I have no real passion in life. It feels like I am missing out on some big things that I should have experienced by now. Never been in love, never discovered who I am, never made any giant leaps forward. Pretty much I have nothing to remember and I am sick of it. Maybe that is why things are dull and gray. Human beings sicken me. Noble men do not exist anymore. People will kill each other for their piece of the pie. The strong pick on the weak because it makes them feel good. What about the other persons feelings? Fuck em. People are generally stupid. Beach blondes with big tits don't have jobs because thier rich husband sponsors them. Women and men cheat on each other. Worse yet, the person they are cheating with knows what is going on and doesn't care. Nice guys finish last. Why? Because people don't appreciate things that nice people do. The world is falling apart in my eyes. The world has always been falling apart and has never been a peaceful place. It never will either because people=shit. Go ahead and tell me that I need professional help. I don't think I do, so I won't get it. That is what I have to say.