Hey guys. Lately I've been, I wouldn't say sad or depressed, more like I've been thinking a lot. It just seems like my life is not going the way I want it to be. First of all, I'm almost finished my degree but I really don't see myself doing that all my life, and I generally feel that the world is corrupt and unfair and I'm still very bitter towards Jehovah's Witnesses. First of all, I'm currently in Software Engineering. I'm graduating in december. I've spent 4 years of my life studying this program. I've excelled my first 3 years, getting an A+ average, then last year I've started to really stink it up. It's not at all because it's getting harder, it's even getting easier. It's just that I have no more interest in engineering. It's like suddenly I realize that I'm surrounded with people with no social skills who are only tools to the big corporation and this is now totally against my values. I don't want to be just some other guy that invents for some big corporation, gets paid crumbs, gets treated badly, gets pressured by psychopathic bosses. I worked, as part of my coop program, for a few corporations. I was getting along great with everyone, but then I'd have to go back in front of my computer and spend hours solving some stupid problems that I had no interest in. Then the boss would come along asking me about the state of my project, I'd look at him straight in the eyes, talk to him with as much an authoritative voice as I could, showing even a bit of disdain for him and would say that I would finish my project in like 2 months, while I could have finished it all in 2 weeks. Incidentally, the boss was very nice towards me, even though he was a total ass to almost everyone else and would pick on some people. I'd beat my deadline by like a month, because I had inflated it too much, and I got congratulations from him and his superior. I've met this psychopath again and now he's one of the vice-president of that same multinational corporation. Then I go to class, in my more technically oriented classes, I see a bunch of overenthusiastic students who are just begging to show how intelligent they are. Then in some other classes, I see a bunch of people with a fake smile, I flash my fake-sincere smile to some people, greet them pretending I really like them. Then I hate myself and all those people for being so fake. Then I see those 2-3 girls in the class that are rather normal looking but actually feel they are attractive because they have so many horny men around. Then there's my experience with those fucken Jehovah's Witness. I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness by my uneducated parents. They discouraged me from going to school, they forbade me from having friends that weren't Jehovah's Witness, they totally isolated me and fed me constantly with that propaganda and those fake smiles pretending to be my friend. I then went on to education, decided I was an atheist, and suddenly all my extended family, who are Jehovah's Witness consider me the devil. How can people be so naive and stupid? How can people actually believe all this bullshit that cults like Jehovah's Witnesses spew at them. I guess that's where all my mistrust for society comes. If I cannot even trust what my parents taught me, why should I trust anything that anybody else says to me. So, most days I think. I think about my position in this society. Am I part of those geeks that want to prove they are intelligent to everyone? Am I one of those meatheads at the gym? Am I one of those fake people that's only concerned about appearing like a professional and as if they care? And most days, I try to solve society's problems. Why are people so stupid? Why do politicians, marketers, religious leaders lie to all those people? How can they live with themselves? How can the world be made just? Should I try to make a difference or do people actually need those lies to be happy? It seems that every day I unravel another layer of lies in our society. I'm starting to feel like I'm becoming a conspiracy theorist or paranoid. Then I talk to a psychologist, and she pretty much admits that I'm totally right. Some other days, I say to myself, that perhaps I should just become a psychopath or maybe just start believing all those lies that I'm told. The main thing I would want in the world right now is to become prime minister or president of some country so that I could fix all the problems I see in society. However, if I do this, I feel that I would have to spend half of my life before that being fake to everyone in order to get into the position of power and that I would probably end up like all other politicians. My second main interest is economy, I really want to know how this economy works and I want to fix it, make it fair for everyone. My third interest is sociology. All the sciences and maths that seemed so important to me when I was younger, now seem unimportant and boring. All this to say that I have an interview at IBM tomorrow morning, I'll probably have to lie about how I'm enthusiastic about the job, about how awesome the company is etc. Also, those friends with which I talk about those things feel that I am too negative, but I see myself as a realist.