SRS I'm not sure if I should bother with my life anymore

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Banana Mike, Oct 22, 2006.

  1. Banana Mike

    Banana Mike Guest

    follow up to

    This sounds so dumb and pessimistic, but I can't help it. I've completely stopped seeing the point of living. I guess this makes me suicidal.

    I'm just not interested in it anymore. There are things I want to do, sure. But I have no one to do them with. I mean, I have friends and they would go, but it's only because they would personally benefit. I don't have anyone that I could ask to do anything with unless they thought it would be fun or beneficial to them. I don't have any of the friends that would say, "Yeah, it'll suck, but I'll go because it's you and I'll at least enjoy that much of it."

    I'm not a priority in anyone's life, ever. It's rare that people consider me or how I feel. There's never been anyone who would choose me over anyone else, and because of that, I see no point. I'm just the type of person who's always going to be like this and have this problem, since this has transcended years and years of my life, different states, social groups, etc etc. I'm the guy to be forgotten.

    I just wish that I could be the kind of person that anyone truly cares about. I'm sure my parents do, but they're also my parents so they are biologically attached to me. In my life, I've just never been able to form any kind of relationship where I matter to people. And I never will.

    I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't like my job, I'm not doing well in school, and I'm always going to be sad and alone. I don't have any goals, aspirations, and motivation to succeed in my life. I just want to stop living.
  2. brolli

    brolli OT Supporter

    Apr 21, 2005
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    to be honest, I feel exactly the same as you, and I truly mean it. But I guess I stopped depending on other people to have happiness. For me, I put all my effort into weight lifting and brazilian jiu jitsu and competing and doing well makes me happiest. Maybe if you found an outlet that didn't involve or depended on other people, you could find a meaning to continue on passionately. If not, then "just giving up" definitely does not seem like the right thing to do, know that there are people just like you out there.
  3. Banana Mike

    Banana Mike Guest

    I'm going to take a nap and see how I feel when I wake up.

    I still have to get my affairs in order today, and I think after that I'll probably try to check myself in somewhere. I'm not really sure how that sort of thing works but I don't really trust myself to make smart decisions regarding my own well-being anymore. I guess I'd like to see a counselor or something.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 22, 2006
  4. Banana Mike

    Banana Mike Guest

    I'm not sure what it is, but I've always wanted to have other people around so much. I grew up as an only child and my Dad worked a lot, and my Mom was usually with her friends. I mean, I saw her a lot but I didn't have many friends and spent the huge majority of my time alone. I always dreamed of a day when I would be older and could put myself into a position to see people.

    So now I'm a lot older, I have 3 roommates who I, for the most part, really like. I have friends that will call me and I guess I'm pretty likeable because I consistently make new friends at a rate that I can't even handle. There are always between 3-10 people around usually just hanging out in my apartment. I don't have a shortage of people to interact with ever. If I show up to some part on campus, it's very likely that people there will recognize me and come talk. By no means am I the loser that I always sort-of envisioned myself becoming when I was younger.

    My life is set up in such a way that I have a lot going for me, although I don't take advantage of any of it and manage to put myself into really awful situations nonetheless. I'm not the luckiest person - I'm not as tall as I'd like to be, I have acne here and there, my teeth could be whiter, I'm not nearly as smart as I'd like, and I guess sometimes I hit a bad break; however my life certainly isn't nearly as awful as many others. I have the benefit of parents who will do a lot for me, support me entirely, and since I'm an only child I get to inherit a few businesses which certainly can and probably will support whatever kind of a lifestyle I desire into my future. A lot of my friends are really great, nice people and I'm happy when they are around.

    So I guess the part that I've always wanted more than anything is just to have one person, maybe, who depends on me, who needs me ... who just wants to see me more than anything else. And I don't think I'm ever going to be able to attain that, and I don't know what the point of anything else is. Nothing has meaning for me anymore.
  5. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

    Feb 22, 2002
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    Iron City
    bentley, so are you saying that you don't have a girlfriend and that you wish you had one?
  6. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

    Oct 15, 2004
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    Yes I think the problem is girls...

    I began a phase in my life where I'm feeling the same way. I can't seem to concentrate on school, my hobbies or my life really. My grades seem to be slipping, I don't have anything to do in my spare time like I used too...

    I also do not see the point anymore. I want the same things you do - someone to care for, and someone who will care about how my day went. I used to be quite happy with myself but for the past few months I've been getting down on myself just for that very reason.

    I'm 21 and I missed out on girls for quite a bit because of my concentration on myself. But now I realize how much headache it all is. Reading all these breakup stories just adds salt to the wound.

    Especially how I can't just go up to a girl on the street. I can only ask one girl a week for her number. Obviously at this rate, where I'm "trying" at such a slow pace, I doubt I can get anywhere. As a result, I don't even know if I want a girl or not.

    But I still want to do it. It's destroying my life...
  7. 18c

    18c Guest

    atleast your trying and not drowning yourself in the problem....keep trying you will get the hang of it soon
  8. Banana Mike

    Banana Mike Guest

    I'd prefer not to put it like that, but I suppose one of my problems is that all of my relationships quickly fail and I don't think this is something that will change throughout my life, just because of who I am.
  9. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

    Mar 19, 2005
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    this toilet earth
    I went through, am going through this myself. It got to the point where i would have crippling anxiety attacks. I had used drugs alot when i was younger, and almost relapsed. My life felt meaningless, like every day was just another battle that i didnt even care if i won anymore.

    I too, looked at suicide. I thought about drugs. Even throughout the day, i still think about it. I try to let it fall out the back of my mind, let it be wind behind my ears.

    For me, it was a total percieved lack of purpose and identity in my life. Sure, i have roles, like you do, son, brother, member, employee, roomate, etc. But roles cannot feed identity. My only answer for "who am i?" was "me", and i had no idea what that was.

    I studied different spiritual beliefs, from buddhism to baha'i to christianity, etc, convinced that i am not the first person to ever feel this way. I made a set in my mind of what i wanted or needed inside, called them square holes, and searched for square pegs to put in them. It was a long, long, uncomfortable and agrivating process but i finaly made a decision-not for life, just a test drive, a daily affirmation. I can always take it back, i can always have what i had.

    Try it. When you bought your car, you test drove it, right? But did you really know how it would handle in the snow till you drove it in the snow? You dont have to commit to anything forever, because nothing is forever. If you try it and it doesnt fit, get rid of it.

    Now think, you have realized that you, in and of yourself, are not, and cannot, lead a purposful life. It is a shocking, often shattering realization, but will eventually become undeniably true to yourself. What is there left to do? Take ultimate control and kill yourself? You are not unique. So what do you think other people have done? Are you willing to look, even as a spectator, to what brings meaning into other people's lives? And, if you are intrigued by a certain ideal-are you willing enough to try it out?

    I see it like this process: I cant make a meaningful life. Maybe something else can. Maybe I will let it.

    An open mind and heart is absolutely necessary to do this. Remember, its practice-not perfection. If you cant believe in something yet, maybe just believe that other people believe.
  10. harleysilo

    harleysilo New Member

    Oct 19, 2006
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    Get a dog. Seriously. If you want something that will depend on you, and give you unconditional love, get a dog, they aren't called mans best friend for no reason.

    Get a small dog, easier to ride around in your car with you and idiots aren't as scared of small dogs.

    Other than get a dog, I understand how you feel and have felt like that before in my life. Don't downplay your parents love, you said biologically and that's true, but your parents love you much more and it's not just because they are your parents, well it is because they are your parents, you won't understand that until you are a parent.
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2006
  11. Banana Mike

    Banana Mike Guest

    Thanks for the advice, everyone. I feel a bit better at the moment but I think it might just be because I've been too busy with school and other things to focus on myself. Distractions help me get past my depression.

    I'll probably feel fine again until the weekend, at which time I'll feel the same again. :hs:

    I kind of want to take a trip somewhere. Maybe I'll go alone this Sunday. It's certain that no one has helped me so far, so it wouldn't make sense to drag someone along with me now. :o
  12. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Don't give up on life before you truly exhaust every angle. Have you even sought out help and advice from a top level relationship therapist? Why don't you order the book, "How to win friends and influence people" Google it. I heard it is a life saver. And in your case, that could actually be literal.

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