I have another thread in here that people have just kind of ignored. I need someone to tell me something, something said to me. Basically, I've had a really rough week. I don't have any true friends up here and it hurts. Both of my best friends moved down to southern California. My ex was the only person I could turn to when things were bad. She was the only person I really felt comfortable talking with. We've been in a state now for a while where she wants to be single. Thursday we were talking and she said right now she wants to be single. She wanted to make me happy first with myself, then see where we went. She said who knows what could happen two moths, three months down the road. I was so upset over everything and kept asking why she wanted to be single, and finally blurted out "You want to be single so you can go whore it up right?" I apologized shortly after for saying. Thursday night she was supposed to call me after work and talk to me about things, she never did. I called her, she was out dancing with a few guy friends. I called her 32 times that night before she picked up the phone. I felt horrible about it, and I don't know why I did it, but I did. I yelled and yelled at her, I cried and cried, I apologized and apologized, and then I yelled some more. I was so upset that I felt she was slipping away. When I needed her the most to just calm me down and keep me sane, she wasn't there. Friday I worked and called her afterwards. Things were good when we talked, we laughed and everything. One of my big things is that I'm scared of moving to San Diego. I'm scared I'm not going to make friends down there and I'll be miserable there too. One of the guys from San Diego that I know, not a great friend but is a decent friend, was up here this weekend. He called me Friday night and asked if I wanted to go out and grab some beers with him. I did. The ex told me she was going to call me that night, she never did again. When I got home, I wanted to call her and just tell her I was going to be ok. Him calling me affirmed that, affirmed that I can be ok, I will make friends down there. But I got online and checked her MySpace and she had logged on after midnight. I called her a few times and she picked up and we got into a huge fight for two and a half hours. I ended up saying "don't be such a fucking bitch to me." I hated that I was fighting with her, I cried myself to sleep that night. Yesterday morning I woke up and called her, leaving a voicemail for her just saying I wanted to call and apologize to her and talk to her. However my mom upset me a lot and it didn't come out like I wanted it to. I called her later when I was at work and got upset with her because she didn't want to talk with me. We were texting each other back and forth and I was getting more upset and I called her again. She yelled at me saying she didn't want to talk to me right then, she was on the phone with her mom, she would call me later, and hung up on me. She never called me. I kept calling her, and she would never pick up. I called and called and called. Around 5:30 or 6 I got online and jumped on MySpace, she deleted me from her friends list. Not thinking, I ran out and got in my car and drove over to her house because I wanted to talk with her and make things ok again, or if anything then just say goodbye to her and leave. She wasn't home though. I called my buddy and had him call her to tell her I really needed to talk to her. My sister called me telling me that my ex had just called my sister crying her eyes out about me, scared of me, scared for me because of things I had said earlier in the week about not wanting to live anymore. I drove home and on the way home I got a text from her saying to go home because my mom was crying and everyone was scared for me. She said we can't be friends and we just need to ignore each other for a long time. I ended up going out with my sister last night and called my ex late at night. She answered and hung up, but I could hear her talking with a few guys and it killed me inside. I don't know what to do. I want to talk with her so badly and just apologize for everything I've done to her and try and talking things out and see if we can't do something to make things better. I know we can't be together right now or anytime soon, but I want to keep her in my life as a friend. I keep wanting to call her and talk but she won't answer. I want to know that she's alright. I miss her to death already. I was thinking today about driving out to her place tomorrow after I get off work. I know in my heart it'd be a bad idea, but I keep thinking in my head it'd be a good idea to do it and just talk. A short time ago I saw us being together again and working for a long time. We talked about moving in together when she moved to San Diego. Now, everything is gone. I'm really scared. I'm really scared for myself. I'm really scared I'm not going to talk to her again. I'm really scared I'm never going to be friends with her, or I'm never going to be together with her again. I'm not sure how to move on right now or anything. I want to call her mom and talk with her mom about things and see what she has to say. My mom said she might call my ex later today and talk to her, find out what's going on and just tell her that I really care for her, I'm messed up right now, and I just want to talk with her. What do I do? I feel like I don't want to live anymore right now. I feel like I'm a complete fuck up and always wil be.