Last night my girlfriend and I broke up, and it's torn me apart. This is our second go around at a relationship. Last time we were together for 10 months and things turned sour. We changed and grew apart. We loved each a lot, but we just couldn't handle it. This was back in December of 2004. We started talking again back in May this year and started growing closer again. We started officially dating in July. We both knew I was moving to San Diego, and were prepared for it. We both knew what happened last time, and wanted to avoid it. I even told myself right before we got back together I wasn't going to hurt her again like I did. Well I did. Over the past few weeks, I just started treating her a little worse and worse. I didn't realize it, and she never said anything. I guess it just kind of built up inside of her. Then things just really happened two weeks ago. She told me she was planning on hanging out with her girlfriends on Friday night, and I said "ok, what are you guys doing?" She said they were just going to hang out and watch a movie, whatever. I asked if they were drinking, she said no. Come Tuesday night, instead of hanging out with the girlfriends, she was no changing it to going over to some guy's house for a party and get drunk with everyone. I didn't say anything, but I layed into her about it on Thursday, much more than I should have. I was stressed out from everything and took it all out on her. So Saturday night we talked. She said she was fully prepared to break it off with me, but we talked about things. We both kind of realized that everything that was going wrong were just small things that could be fixed, and said we'd try. I wanted to be more involved in her life as far as her friends went. The only time I really met her friends was when they were pretty drunk already. I told her I needed to not take my emotions out on her. We just kind of agreed on everything. I tried hard this past week. I invited her and some of her friends out to dinner. I just really showed I cared because I didn't want lose her. We planned on going out last night to dinner. Before I left, I wrote her an email on my feelings about everything. On the way over I picked up some flowers for her, the ones that she had told me were her favorites. I got over she was sitting in her room on the computer doing homework still. I walked up behind her, put the flowers on the desk and gave her a hug and she started crying asking why I got her flowers and everything. It all went downhill from there. She told me that last Friday night when she went out told her some things. She didn't worry about me that night. She said she wasn't sure where her feelings were for me anymore. She was tired of always falling asleep crying and tired of waking up wondering if things would be good or bad that day. She wasn't sure what she wanted. A big piece of her wanted to stay with me and work things out, another piece of her wanted to just end things. She wondered if maybe some time away to just think about things would help. She said she feels like she's not happy because she doesn't see her friends. It's work, school and me. She said she feels like she wants to be single right now, but she's not sure she wants to leave me. I told her I saw a lot more than us than what's happened. I told her things could change easily between us. I told her I still really cared for her. I just poured out my feelings. I came to the realization that all of this has really showed me that maybe I do love her. I told her I wanted her to hang out with her friends, I just wanted to be there too. She's been one of the greatest things to happen to me. I'm mad at myself for treating her like crap sometimes and fucking things up again, after I told myself I wouldn't. I'm hate the fact that I don't have her anymore in my life. I just hate her choice. I want her to be happy, but at the same time I look back at how we were a month ago and happy we both were, I just want that back. I don't know what to think. I can't see myself with anyone except for her right now. I told her I hate the whole idea of breaks, and I never would go back to someone that wanted that. But now I'm afraid I will, and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I fell asleep last night crying just because I was so sick of everything, I was so mad at myself. I woke up today and cried for 20 minutes at least knowing that it's over and there's a very real chance I'll never see her again. I want to, but I know my feelings are going to be way too strong for me to even hold up. I just don't know what to do. I had to come home from work early today because I kept tearing up, I couldn't handle it. I got home and cried for another 20 minutes. I just want things to be right with us again, and I don't know if they ever will be. She said to check my email when I got home from work, and I was checking it at work every 15 minutes, even though I probably didn't want to read what it said. I don't want to get back together because it's comfortable, I want to get back together with her because I truly care for her a lot and I know there's a lot more to us that what's happened. I just don't know what to do now. I don't know what to think. I'm afraid to read her email, whenever it may arrive. But at the same time I almost want to, just hoping something good is in there. Thanks for reading all of this if you did. Help me get through this.