This might be a long read, sorry in advance. A little bit about my past. The last relationship I was in, I thought I loved her. I didn’t, it was a huge infatuation. She ended up cheating on her boyfriend with me and we ended up together. And well you know what goes around eventually comes around, cause she cheated on me, played mind games continuously. Most of my trust issues come from this I’m sure. My head was never so mind boggled at this point. That was my first (what I thought was a serious) relationship in a couple years. The last serious relationship was with my high school girlfriend which lasted 5-6 years. She ended up marrying one of my friends a few years after our breakup. I am more than happy for them, but at the same time I feel it has hurt me, and made me somewhat insecure about things in the following relationships I have had. More on this subject in the next paragraph. I’ve had a few experiences in between, but nothing to dramatic, but probably all adding to my insecurity problems. On to the friend I thought I could trust. I never had a friend do stuff like this before, but I stuck around with him because I thought he was a true friend. Every time I would say I was interested in someone and tried to get to know that person, he would beat me to the punch and either sleep with them or end up seeing them resulting in sleeping with them. This I think is a big problem with my insecurities. As every girl I was interested in, and wanted to get to know would see my friend as the better looking, more outgoing, more attractive person than me. This happened time and time again, till the said girl that cheated on me in the above paragraph ended up going to him in the end. That was the last straw, him and I are no longer friends. Just acquaintances. I've been in a great relationship for the last 4 months. I saw her one night and was instantly attracted to her, and because I am a rather shy individual at first didn’t say anything to her and I thought that was that. I was supposed to leave for a road trip the following day but didn’t because of financial woes. So me and a few friends ended up going out for a cruise to a ice cream place. On the way back home from dropping a friend off I ended up seeing her again. Once again being to chicken to say anything, all I said was “thanks” after she told me I had a nice truck. I went to a gas station where I saw a few people I know that were the people she was hanging out with the night before. I got her number and sent her a text message. Ever since I’m 100% positive that it was pure fate. If I went on that road trip I would have never met her, and I would have never known what could have been. My insecurities are getting the best of our relationship. I can’t shake the feeling that she is going to end up with one of my friends. I do trust her, but not as much as I really want to. I need to trust her for our relationship to work at all, and I know this. And I am finding it really hard to do this. In the relationship I keep finding things that happen the same way they did in my previous relationship. For example, I saw a text on her phone from her cousin saying “no thanks sweetie” and I flipped out because the relationship beforehand the girl would text her ex boyfriend to meet up to cheat on me. I just cannot shake these insecurities. Every time that something remotely close happens I continually jump back and think its going to happen all over again. When I see this stuff I right away jump to the worst possible scenario. “She’s going to end up with one of my friends.”, “she’s going to end up cheating on me.” “She’s going to find someone better for her than me.” When she gets a text, I instantly jump to the “what guy is hitting on her this time”, Or when she is out with a friend or something I just think the absolute worst case scenario and think she’s messing around on me. At this point is where I would tell her in tears that I just want her to find someone that makes her happy. Fully knowing that I can, and could if it wasn’t for my stupidity and insecurities. A little background about me, I just turned 25, and I still live at home. I got myself into some debt which I would like to get rid of before I move out on my own and deal with life at its fullest. I find it really hard to communicate with anybody, my own family, my girlfriend. I have never been taught how to exclusively express my feelings. I really wish I knew, I really wish I could then it would make a lot of things in life a lot easier. My lovely girlfriend was having problems at home, and I offered her to move in with my. She’s been living with me for the last 2 months. And she moved out yesterday because I keep having problems with my insecurities. I keep telling her to leave, I don’t mean this one bit (but this was the last straw for her) because I feel she deserves so much better than me. Because I feel that I don’t make her happy, and in some way or other just want to unconsciously hurt myself in the end (that’s how the people around me see it, and explain it to me). I also honestly can’t shake the feeling that I am going to lose her. I do love her, and this is real love. I honestly feel that this girl is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. If I could I would marry her tomorrow. We are still together, but it feels that we just took 10 steps back and are at square 1 again, adding more to the existing insecurities. I WANT to trust her, I NEED to trust her. I want to get RID of my insecurities. I want to be able to see her go out with her friends and have fun and not worry about her messing around on me. She’s told me numerous times that she’s not here to hurt me like every one of the other people I’ve been with have. I try to take it to heart, and I do, but as soon as something comes up its straight back to the worst case scenario thoughts. So I’m looking for advice, the ways that people have gotten rid of their insecurities. Any things to read to make the day go by quicker. I have told her I am willing to do anything to make things better between her and I. I am covered through work for a psychologist if I’m forwarded by my doctor. So, I think that might be the best route, and would show her that I do in fact know I have a problem, and that I am in fact willing to work on it to make it better. Also note that she is the only person that I have EVER been willing to do this for, I’ve been asked many times before by family to be checked out. Again, note that I want to fix this as well, and DO see it as a problem. Thanks for reading, sorry for the essay, but I really don’t think I could explain myself in any less of an amount.