I work part-time only, but make pretty good money. I hate going to work, and most of the time being there sucks. But there are times when I like it since I have started to open up to some co-workers. I find that most people will accept you for who you are as long as you are not an ass. At least it seems like acceptance. If it is, maybe they are pretending to accept me since they have to work with me? I think about it later on after work and the more I think about it, they more I come to the conclusion that they talk about me behind my back about how weird I am. That shit makes me cry. I replay situations in my head over and over and realize how much I was being ignored or how I was being treated like I don't exist. I'm setting myself up just so I can knock myself down. The only way to be sure I have acceptance is to hang out with retards. They accept everyone. But then I still have to know that they don't know any better so I am just accepted by default. Not really a good frame of reference. How precise is your self image? When is your self image healthy? Is it best to just not worry about it and continue onward as long as you are satisfied? It's hard to do so when you are self-conscious and drugs/alcohol can only help you for a limited amount of time,and even then they can only help you so much. God damn it there is no escaping my misery. It's just this crazy web of confusion, paranoia, apathy, hysteria, depression, anger, fear, shame loneliness, and self deception. Has anyone ever felt like throwing up because they were so disgusted of themselves? How about not eating food all day because you don't feel like you are worthy of it? You deserve to starve. Many people have a worse environment, but somehow they are ok. Why me? This can be inherited through genes, right? Or is all that a crock of shit?