Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by dmtnt, Jul 2, 2007.
In this case FFM... Serious question, please discuss.
Lots of communication and set the ground rules before hand. Are you going to all one on one play with each other? Or will it be only threesome play? Will you all be living together?
Not a 3-some, but our 4-some is going on 2 years. It that long term to you?
I think our longevity is attributed to the fact that we have other common interests (music, hobbies & dining). Also the fact that none of us really have offspring residing at home.
It hasn't been all peaches and cream, but we do make the effort to talk about EVERYTHING and make sure there are no smouldering problems or concerns.
Three people, long term? I don't know, sounds tricky. Communication will definitely have to be key, and just know that the odds are, it won't be a very long term thing.
Maybe it's wishful thinking on my part....
Wife, myself and her friend had another incredible 3-some this past Saturday, freaking mind-blowing incredible - 3.5 hours long, everybody came over and over.... My wife initiated it and is really getting into this girl, who's really getting into BOTH of us...
We then spent yesterday on the couch with all of our kids watching movies like a giant happy family....got to thinking, could this last for a long time??
A little FS content - the crescendo of Saturday was when my wife was riding me cowgirl, her friend was facing her sitting on my face, they were playing with each others nipples and ALL 3 OF US CAME AT THE SAME TIME!!!
I spent two and a half years in a FFM poly. It was rewarding,and overall
a happy time,but very emotionally complex. Not at all like just FFM swing
dates with a regular playmate.
Interesting, what were some of the issues you dealt with? How did it end if you don't mind me asking?
Is your girlfriend actually interested in this being a three person relationship? Just because she enjoys having a threesome with the other girl does not mean she wants to share her with you on an emotional level. What you're talking about is VERY different than just sex. The reason I ask is because of personal experience. I can handle the idea of my hubby seeing someone else naked and doing sexual stuff with another girl. But if I notice that he seems to be attracted to her in a more emotional way it starts to drive me crazy. Fucking is one thing, loving someone else is a totally different thing.
Also, you might want to consider how this would effect your kids. Will you be telling them about it? If the other girl were to move in you'd have to... Good luck explaining that one. And be aware that the kids will get teased like crazy at school for it.
Polyamory - read it, love it, live it?
The Poly lifestyle is a lot different than the occasional fling between three (or more) people. It can be a huge balancing act that has it's struggles but it can also have huge benefits.
Based on the information that you have given us I would say that you three are going to be happier staying a "couple plus one". You have already stated that there are some jealousy issues and perhaps some confllict about who is into who more than the other, etc.
The kids also bring up a whole new wrinkle as well - not saying it can't work I know a very well adjusted poly triad who have kids and things work out well for them.
We were a live in Poly,and had the same basic issues couples have only x2. Personal space,chores,bathroom time etc.The outstanding issues were with
the acceptance of family& friends.There were also work problems,SO#1 &SO#2 worked together,they both ended up having to change jobs.
Dominance was one of the largest,two woman,living together ,even in love are going to butt heads.
It ended like a lot of relationships do.S0#1 decided she had to leave.She was the anchor so it all came apart.
For me swinging is an exciting fun thing,that I can choose to do,or not.In a Poly relationship it's love,and swinging can't hold a candle to it,
but we are all helpless in love.
You guys bring up interesting points...
AtlantisLovely, I'm asking more hypothetically than anything. The 3 of us have become very close friends through all of this, sex aside. Wouldn't even know where to begin telling the kids about something like this...her kids and ours are all very close friends but they have no clue about our extracurricular activities. It was actually her 8yo son who suggested we all move into a big giant house together!
dumb_end_user, the jealousy issues were there only in the very beginning, they're gone now. My wife is finally coming to terms with the fact that she really likes our "friend" both in the bedroom and out. We discussed the jealousy and put it to rest. She knows I love her and I'm not going anywhere, nor is she leaving me for anyone male or female.
I don't know where this is going to go or what it's going to turn into, I'm just going to enjoy it as long as I can!
Sometimes you just have to ride the tide!
I've been proposed to by two men. And I used to date a FM couple.
It can work, it's just a LOT harder than normal relationships.
I've known a few of poly-sets. one set of them worked well for over 3 years but they Were older, had already been through shitty, broken marriages and got together(they had been friend for a long time) and it worked out for a long while.. they eved up breaking it off amicably since the love just wasn't there for one of them.
another set i kind of knew was just a disaster because there was mistrust onthe part of the women thinking the man was favoring one over th other..
I gather from the children and the comments thatyou have been married for a while now. I think that is good. I think jealousy really comes into play in new relationships. Since you two have been together for so long, you should have more confidence in the strength of your relationship; however, jealous could (and probably will at some point) become a bit of an issue. Think about the first time you make a noise or do something that you NEVER did with your wife...and she goes...hmmm, he never made that noise before. Might cause some jealousy....may not. I think the key, which we discuss here ALL THE TIME, is communication. Whether it is a relationship or just fooling around, things don't work unless the parties involved communicate. Sometimes even the most experienced individuals forget that and need to be reminded. Before you think of any 'relationship' thing, everyone needs to sit down and express how they feel about it. If all parties are not VERY interested, than there is no point in trying because it won't work. Moreover (personally) I would be careful with children involved, especially young ones that are close friends. The last thing you want to do is do damage there friendship. Personally, some good sex (and relationship outside of that) is not as important as the well being of my children (talkin' hypothetical here, don't worry folks, Lovely isn't preggy ). You can have a close relationship with 'dates' and sex, without a 'relationship'
ask my ex. she's an expert
Keep her as a friend who you fuck from time to time. Deciding to have someone be a live-in "whatever" even if it is just a friend, not necessarily a lover it can be tough.
I am right in the middle of a similar situation
We've known this girl for about five years. We all used to fuck. Actually we used to d a lot of drugs and fuck and we all got along great. We considered inviting her to live with us. She thought it was a great idea until she realized that my wife and I would always be the primary couple and she would always be a third. It was a harsh reality for her but she decided not to live with us.
It's been three years or so since then and we are considering asking her to live with us again
Ive always liked the concept of polyamory. When I lived in NJ, a guy that worked with me would talk to me about it and about how everyone in the house loved each other (this was a house with 7 people). He said it was great. The women loved each other, the men loved each other, and everything in between. I asked if the men fooled around, he said "It had happened, but not often". They just all genuinely loved each other.
I actually started to feel what he was talking about and he asked if I wanted to meet his family. I said yes, and they welcomed me with open arms. Everyone quickly took a liking to me and before I knew it, I was asked to move in.
I decided not to for many reasons (I had someone I was seeing at the time, I wasn't in a stable enough place to make that sort of commitment, etc). There are times I think about it and wish I had though.
if there's a base of rules to go by, open minds, and lots of communication, i think anything can work
Thanks for all the good advice guys. I don't see this turning into a "live-in" situation but I do see it becoming a somewhat long-term dating relationship.
As expected, we all got together again over the 4th holiday. Interesting to watch this all unfold...my wife is really getting into her friend and her friend is really getting into me....
Who knows where it's going to go?? Just enjoying the ride as stated..