LGBT Is sex important? v.2

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by stolid_agnostic, Apr 26, 2007.

  1. stolid_agnostic

    stolid_agnostic One who is both stolid and agnostic. Get a diction

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    I think that this could have been a very good discussion. I'd like to try it again if you don't mind. If this seems like a failed attempt, I'll delete the thread.
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    Is sex important?
    or is it a contemporary form of hand shaking?

    It seems like anymore people hardly know a name (if at all) and they find a place and go at it

    I had always believed that sex would somehow be a loving experience but I've always found it to not be worth the effort you have to put in to get it. it's a bit different when you're in a relationship and there is someone next to you.

    I have several questions:

    1) Is sex meaningful/important
    2) Is sex (specifically the pleasure it offers) worth the effort?
    3) Is it good to hold off on sex or better to be hedonistic and satiate desire?
    4) Do high standards play any role in the quality of sex or are undesireables just as good? Meaning, better to be picky about who you sleep with or to sleep with anyone?
    5) Insert random though here

    What do you all think?
     
  2. stolid_agnostic

    stolid_agnostic One who is both stolid and agnostic. Get a diction

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    also if it is possible to rename a thread, please let me know
     
  3. sholnay

    sholnay Active Member

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    from the last thread:

    hmmmmm...

    1) sex is important and meaningful.
    2) I think too many people have this - amazingly precious view - of sex. taken from my favorite movie - it is "a zesty enterprise". As kids (and im speaking for i think - a majority of kids, certainly not all kids) - we are taught that its wrong to do - that it should ONLY be done by two married people. Well what the fuck - I cant get married - so no sex for me. ORRRR maybe our parents were wrong (or hypocrites?)
    3) there are a lot of studies out there showing that sex is healthy - its exercise - its natural - its fun - its romantic - its desirable - I don't know if anything is bad about it. If YOU want sex - YOU should have sex.
    4) Hmmm, I really think that no one should be forced in to sex - or forced to do something they dont want. That also means that you shouldnt force yourself to do something you dont want - or that you might not be comfortable with - its not always an outside force... I really believe that everyone should be honest with themselves - and shit - if you think you have high standards, theres nothing wrong with that, just try not to lead guys on too much
    5) i like sex a lot. it only gets better when you can do it with someone you trust and know (inside and out - of bed). The one night things are fun too though - in their own way.

    ;)
     
  4. XPX

    XPX New Member

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    I'll answer this soon when I do it for the first time :o

    :bowrofl:

    I suppose it can be fun and meaningless a few times but it is more interesting when you do it with someone you love and trust. :dunno: I have big expectations.
     
  5. fez1juan

    fez1juan spadoinkal!

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    RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW IT IS IMPORTANT TO ME!!! Damn it! i need me some soooooon.
     
  6. sholnay

    sholnay Active Member

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    i havent had too many sexual encounters that have been just.. "fun" but when they happen - its pretty awesome...

    for example - when you're playing around and something silly happens - but you can both laugh about it and keep going - or when you actually try to do things better and can get in to different positions and try new things... that is only possible when you've been with someone for a little bit of time... one night stands are like the car shows of sex.. you just show up and shine...

    its about the tough - under the hood work and the hours of waxing that go in to the car that make it able to shine... :o

    i love that analogy - its so poor. :bigthumb:
     
  7. sholnay

    sholnay Active Member

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    i'd rather make that determination first - just my opinion though. If sex is no good - then you cant really form a long lasting close relationship... IMO.
     
  8. BlondieAMC

    BlondieAMC New Member

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    I do think that holding off on sex does make it ultimatly better. Get to know someone first then have sex. If you know a person on a personal intimate level then you can know them even better on a sexual intimate level. (that is taken from a relationship prespective)

    And i do think sex is imortant to everyone, no matter who you are. It's natural and it does the body so much good. Sometimes one time flings are what a person needs, somehow to get that release.

    Now you have to understand something for what i'm about to tell you. I am in a LTR of 5 yrs. So we don't have sex everyday...
    When we go thru stretches where we don't have sex for a week, and we do finally end up having a romp, just the relief i feel afterwards is amazing. It lets me release feelings, emotions, that i had been holding on to for that week that i perhaps didn't even know.

    So ultimatly yes sex is important. Period.

    Sorry if i babbled on about nothing.......
     
  9. sholnay

    sholnay Active Member

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    yea - pick your poison hehe.
     
  10. sholnay

    sholnay Active Member

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    thats good :)

    ive been in ONE "relationship" where I talked to the guy a lot before we did anything.. about a month, it was GREAT - we connected on a level that I havent connected to many people on before - but when it came down to having sex, i dunno - we DIDNT click at all in bed.. very unfortunate because personality wise we were a pretty good match.
     
  11. RyRy

    RyRy Active Member

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    Sex to me is meaningful, and I don't have casual encouters just for sex. Can I live without sex, yes.

    If we've both been working all on the farm or at one of the elevators and we are tired as hell then no.
    Yes I feel that it is better to hold off on sex (even though I'm complaining about my lack of it in another thread :o) for several months into the relationship so you know if it's going to last or not.

    I'm picky but that's just me. I also am a serial monogomist as well. (I hope I spelled that right :o)

    I sure as hell didn't earn my middle name of Hoover by standing here and talking to you!
     
  12. RyRy

    RyRy Active Member

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    Join the club.... and I'm practically married! :rofl:
     
  13. sholnay

    sholnay Active Member

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    your random thought ryan... is priceless.
     
  14. RyRy

    RyRy Active Member

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    That's how I told my friend I was gay the other night while we were walking... and I just happened to say it in front of my ex's house :mamoru: She didn't get it! Keep in mind we also had very thick milkshakes at this point... but still how could one not get that!
     
  15. stolid_agnostic

    stolid_agnostic One who is both stolid and agnostic. Get a diction

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    i've been that way - completly turned on by someone until the clothes come off

    it's very disappointing and yet you feel bad for the guy
     
  16. stolid_agnostic

    stolid_agnostic One who is both stolid and agnostic. Get a diction

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    i've always pretty much jumped into the sack with people i've dated


    I think that I'm going to hold off next time - I am more interested in a relationship with someone and to let sex by an aspect of it than into the sex itself per se
     
  17. sholnay

    sholnay Active Member

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    i lol'ed at the mental image of "jumping in the sack" :mamoru:
     
  18. stolid_agnostic

    stolid_agnostic One who is both stolid and agnostic. Get a diction

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    my turn to answer my own questions:

    Sex used to be a very important thing to me. I used to spend endless hours in search of it, hit up every cruise site on the interwebs, aol/chat, did the bars, clubs, even house parties.

    Then I got into a relationship that last about three years. This relationship was entirely unhealthy and I was really trapped in it for a very long time. Eventually I got sick of it and was bailed out by my parents. This was in october of 2005. In the time since, except with 2 or 3 fool-arounds with the same guy (who eventually stopped coming around when it became clear that I wasn't interested in a physical relationship), I have had absolutely no contact with anyone since my breakup.

    I'd really become very uninterested in people in general and 'men' in particular. But, time passes and it heals all wounds, as they say. I've found myself desiring of companionship. Now, I find myself considering whether relationships are worth the potential damage they can cause (I'm a bit scared atm).

    This is sort of what I mean by above. Of course there is pleasure in sex/relationships but I wonder if it's worth the work one must put into them. It's a question of proportion: whether or not the pleasure/security received are greater than the pain experienced.

    At this point, I have to say that it's better to wait on it. It may be a matter of age or perhaps of experience. I am so much more interested in a good relationship with someone than in physical contact itself. As an aspect of a relationship, I am very interested.

    My standards were unbelievably high before. Now they are somewhere up near the moon.

    Hmm....I want sex but am scared. I want a relationship but am scared.
     
  19. stolid_agnostic

    stolid_agnostic One who is both stolid and agnostic. Get a diction

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    I can demonstrate for you if you like

    :wavey:
     
  20. sholnay

    sholnay Active Member

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  21. fez1juan

    fez1juan spadoinkal!

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    i totaly gave up on it tonight even though this guy was all over me. I miss my friend and i was all about her and her "oh my god i revirginised my self". I hate the fact that i missed out on my first hook up ever......Man I hate doinng this.....
     
  22. stolid_agnostic

    stolid_agnostic One who is both stolid and agnostic. Get a diction

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    what made you stop?
     
  23. fez1juan

    fez1juan spadoinkal!

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    she saved me from suicide.....im sorry for being a downer but I owe that girl my life and it sucks bc thats the first gay guy i have EVER been interested in......I CRY!!!!!!!
     
  24. stolid_agnostic

    stolid_agnostic One who is both stolid and agnostic. Get a diction

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    you had to help her tonight?


    Edit: or was it that you were thinking about her too much because you miss her?
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2007
  25. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    I haven't read anyone else's reply, but here goes...

    For me, sex is absolutely meaningful/important, yes. I've been in a sexless relationship and it was unhealthy. Sex is a necessary part of a successful relationship. It helps with the intimacy that is required in a good relationship. If you're not having sex, you're simply best friends (which is great, but then you shouldn't be with each other any more than as friends).

    Sex is DEFINITELY worth the effort. Sex is a wonderful experience, and ideally, you and your partner should have similar sex drives so that you both feel satisfied in the bedroom.

    Well, it depends. It depends on how you feel about the other person, and how that person feels about you. I am a proponent of the one night stand, if used appropriately (when both people have the understanding that this is a one night stand - no strings... or fuck-buddies).

    That being said, I'm a bit of a prude in the gay community. I don't have sex with someone I'm really interested in until date 3 or 4. If I really like a guy, I want to get to know him before I have sex with him. Because I prefer "making love" to "having sex", meaning, I want to be able to look into your eyes and know that you are "there" with me in that moment and not fantasizing or letting your mind drift somewhere else so that you can get off. I want to be able to cuddle with you after and wake up with you the next morning and be happy that you're still in my bed.

    But, if we understand that this is a quick fuck to "get off", I'm good with giving in to my desires.

    I've had good sex both ways.

    The best overall sexual experiences I've had has been with someone whom I love and who loves me. That connection is so important to a healthy sexual relationship. I don't know how to explain sexual chemistry, but if you have it with someone important, sex can be earth-shattering!!

    But, random sexual encounters have been pretty amazing too. The best orgasm I've ever had was from a guy who blew me in a bathroom at Northeastern University. Didn't even see his face... I just stuck my cock under the stall wall (true story) and he just knew how to suck it right, I guess.


    Sex is natural, sex is fun, sex is best when it's one on one.
     

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